Newsweek - Why get married?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Newsweek - Why get married?
132
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 1:24pm
There are some interesting responses to the Newsweek article on cheating wives which brings up a question? Why do people still want to get married, on the affair support board many are wanting to marry their affair partner and start the perfect life. If you are a male the court system is going to destroy you in a divorce so why keep getting married. Just a note to start, I think there have allways been just about the same amount on cheating women as men (who would the men have sex with, so it has to be about the same). A recent college study with a lie detector showed that women lie about sex questions and that throws off surveys that don't use them. Over all the percent of cheating women and men has increased over the past thirty years as well as the divorce rate. Currently, according to paternity lab results, about 30% of children in divorce cases were not fathered by the husband.

Getting married is a huge gamble with your life and the current success rate is less than 50%. I am currently married and have been for a long time but if I were ever divorced or a young person starting out I don't think I would ever marry. The odds of being betrayed are just too great.

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Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 5:37pm
Even though the recent stats don't look very promising, I still have to believe that there are people with integrity in their personal lives. We have to HOPE that some people still value marriage and honesty. Although, like yourself, I would be more hesitant to marry if I was younger.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 5:53pm
Unless you meet someone VERY VERY special, I don't think people should get married either. I think when 2 people work full time, out of the home is VERY stressful on a marriage and sex lives. Most women are too tired or are just too busy for their husbands when they both get home, then the husband feels neglected and many times they BOTH will look for for easy affair at the office. I believe the wife staying at home works much better. Old fashion maybe, but she can pick up some hobbies, take good care of herself with excercising and treatments. She can have the house nice, dinner cooked AND be in the mood to actually BE with her hubby and give him the nice extras from not being too tired. JMHO though.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 5:58pm

I could see your point, but like Kat said, I like to believe there are still people out there that value commitment and marriage.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 6:24pm
Marriage is the ultimate commitment. It represents a certain security and intimacy that is not felt if you are just living together. Yes, some people don't stick by it, but people do value it still...look at the current debate over gay/lesbian marriage. It is also a legal contract that affords you privileges and obligations that living together doesn't. For instance a friend, who has been living with her bf for several years and had a child with him was not able to make medical decisions for him when he was in a coma in the hospital because they weren't married.

I think when people get married they usually intend to be monogomous and married for life. Also the often quoted 50% divorce statistic may be misleading. It says that 50% of marriages end in divorce. For instance if there are 8 couples who got married and stayed married and 2 couples that got married and divorced 4 times that would still be 50% of marriages ending in divorce.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2003
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 6:29pm

I believe that marriage provides the perfect basis for raising children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 6:57pm
taxes

*ezizabef*

*ezizabef*

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 7:30pm
>>I believe that marriage provides the perfect basis for raising children. If we were to all shun marriage, what would happen to our kids?<<

I totally agree with that statement. Children *deserve* to have both their parents involved fully in their lives, and no matter how well you get along with an ex the parent living away from the kids will not have the impact they would living under the same roof. That is *exactly* why we won't risk a threesome. Our children will pay for any fall out if it causes irreprable damage to our marriage.

>>As for many young women these days....call me cynical, but I do believe that for many, the driving force is the fairytale wedding day - not the long term implications of what they are doing.<<

You can say that again LOL. My wedding didn't go the way I wanted it too, too many cooks in the kitchen I guess, but I didn't care. I just wanted to get married. I have seen some girlfriends who really got out of hand wanting the "perfect day". I think also, people apply alot of cliche's to marriage and try to follow them. Like, don't go to bed angry. Huh? We do. Usually by morning we don't even remember what we were fighting about and just get on with the day. If we are still not in agreement by morning, we have atleast had the night to cool off and speak to each other rationally. I guess what I am getting at is people are trying too hard to follow what they "should" be doing in a marriage instead of just doing what works for them even if it isn't how the book says it should be done.

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2003
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 8:04pm

>>I think also, people apply alot of cliche's to marriage and try to follow them. <<


What about the cliche of "love will conquer all".

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 8:09pm
I am 19 and I do plan on getting married. Not for a while (maybe 10 years) I do know that I do feel that marriage isn't the perfect, but two people can work at it and make it as perfect as they can. I admit I do dream of the "fairy tale" wedding, BUT I know that will probably not happen. Marriage to me is the ultimate commitment and I know that I will have someone always. There's a saying I like, and I can apply it to marriage...

"Everyone wants happiness, no one wants pain, but you can't make a rainbow without the rain."

Marriage takes work, I know that. My mom and dad got divorced when I was in 5th grade. Even though the divorce "stats" are "50%" that just depends on which studies you look at. As for cheating, I think that's the most rude thing you could ever do. Why would you get married and then want someone else? Even if it gets boring it takes two people for a relationship to work.

As for my wedding, I can take all the time to plan and think what I want, but my future husband's opinion will matter in OUR special day. Just my 2cents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 9:35pm
>>What about the cliche of "love will conquer all". I see so many posts from people who are just dating or engaged and determined to persist in relationships that are dysfunctional because "I love him".<<

Exactly

Leticia

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