Newsweek - Why get married?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Newsweek - Why get married?
132
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 1:24pm
There are some interesting responses to the Newsweek article on cheating wives which brings up a question? Why do people still want to get married, on the affair support board many are wanting to marry their affair partner and start the perfect life. If you are a male the court system is going to destroy you in a divorce so why keep getting married. Just a note to start, I think there have allways been just about the same amount on cheating women as men (who would the men have sex with, so it has to be about the same). A recent college study with a lie detector showed that women lie about sex questions and that throws off surveys that don't use them. Over all the percent of cheating women and men has increased over the past thirty years as well as the divorce rate. Currently, according to paternity lab results, about 30% of children in divorce cases were not fathered by the husband.

Getting married is a huge gamble with your life and the current success rate is less than 50%. I am currently married and have been for a long time but if I were ever divorced or a young person starting out I don't think I would ever marry. The odds of being betrayed are just too great.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 5:38pm
Hmmmm...This honestly pisses me off. Im young...20 years old...very young. Even though I may only be 20 I have been cheated on and abused by past boyfriends more than once. BUT...I found the love of my life about a year ago and we're now engaged. Sure there's a lot of risks youre taking when you choose to marry someone or to even be commited to someone, but doesnt true love mean enough to anyone anymore that theyre willing to take those risks and to meet the challenge??? If you truley love someone you should say to hell with statistics and surveys! You love that person enough that youre willing to put yourself out on the line. And if something does happen like an affair or it just simply doesnt work out...then fine...youll be very hurt for some time,but youll later realize it was worth it. No matter what happens, good or bad, you have to learn from it...and to have so many different experiences in your life makes you a far more open minded, commendable person.

I personally think that the divorce and cheating rates are rising because people have gotten so friggin lazy! No one tries to work anything out anymore by going to counseling or just simply talking it through. So many married and divorced men and women need to realize that their husbands and wives are HUMAN. Now if youre intentionally hurting eachother...well then you dove into the whole thing way too fast w/o getting to know the other person good enough and how you mesh.

If the marriage was so important in the first place it still should be after 10 or 15 years or whatever.

Im 20 years old and I dont care what anyone says about marriage, commitment, or my fiance and him being in the marines. I never thought I could love someone so much...I never thought I could be so close to anyone or feel so loved...People have tried to scare both of us off from getting married many times already. Ya know what? We both know there's more than enough love, integrity, commitment, determination, and trust between us that we're gonna be just fine :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 10:25pm
Heidi you have a lot of good thoughts for someone so young. I wish you and your lucky guy the best. I would suggest you print out your post and keep it for a reference as you go through life together. It should help you keep an track.

Best wishes girl !!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 11:22am
I have to agree that it is like taking a gamble in Vegas when deciding to take the "plunge" and marry. I married my ex-husband at 16 years old. I was divorced a month after I turned 24, and had 3 kids to take along with me. Now, I've been in a relationship for 4 years with a man and we have a beautiful 2 and a half year old son, and I just found out were expecting another, our 2nd, and my 5th-and I have to say I have no urge to run and marry. And believe me I know all the questions about when and why are only going to increase annoyingly from friends and family members, that's why I haven't even told a soul yet. It's my business. Not that I don't want to spend the rest of my life with this man,raising our children together, and not that he's not great with my older children. But, that is now. We are both only 28 years old, and who knows what 38 or 48 will bring? I try to live with faith and optimism, but I'm also pretty realistic. I am not single, but still feel a sense of freedom. I am monogomous, but still have a sense of ownership of my own body that wasn't there when I was married. It takes a few minutes, and your married, it takes forever and alot of money, stress, embarrassment, etc. to divorce. I won't go through that again.

Connie in TX
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 11:42am
Hi Connie, I think you have made very good points. I also think that your lifestyle is the trend of the future.

Best wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 12:57pm
>>I am monogomous, but still have a sense of ownership of my own body that wasn't there when I was married.<<

Perhaps that had more to do with how young you were when you got married. You weren't even an adult yet. I myself have never felt that way in my marriage. best of luck with baby #5 :o)

Leticia

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 6:30pm
You are completely right. Getting married is just too risky for men now. If you break up with your girlfriend you'll be crushed, but at least you won't end up financially crippled, pining for the children you've grown to love and who you can see once a week if your lucky, AT THE SAME TIME as as trying to cope with the loss of the woman in your life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 6:56pm

<>


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2004
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 7:22pm
I personally never wanted to get married again after 2 failed marriages. However, lately I have had second thoughts. Maybe in the past I married the wrong people. I think that I have also matured quite a bit more. The past relationships were flawed due to problematic situations that I could not solve no matter what I did. I know better than to get involved with an alcoholc or someone who enjoys hitting me or dating other women while still living with me! Maybe marriage is a dying institution, and maybe it is not for everyone that is true. However, I now see that marriage can be wonderful with the right person. Edited 7/29/2004 7:26 pm ET ET by vernalea

Edited 7/29/2004 7:31 pm ET ET by vernalea


Edited 7/29/2004 11:09 pm ET ET by vernalea

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 12:38am
Well, gee Romeo, LIFE is a risk, isn't it? But we don't stop living because we might get hurt or worse! And since when do you have to be married to have children you can pine for?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:40am
" I believe the wife staying at home works much better. Old fashion maybe, but she can pick up some hobbies, take good care of herself with excercising and treatments. She can have the house nice, dinner cooked AND be in the mood to actually BE with her hubby and give him the nice extras from not being too tired. "

You must not stay at home. I am a 24 year old mother of two boys. Let me tell you how my life is not the picture you just painted.

"she can pick up some hobbies, take good care of herself with excercising and treatments."

With two boys ages 3 1/2 and 9 months, a house to care for, meals to make, and errands to run, I very rarely have time for my own hobbies let alone excersize or relaxation. I'm so busy making good men out of my sons that I forget or don't have a lot of time to take "good care of myself".

"She can have the house nice, dinner cooked AND be in the mood to actually BE with her hubby and give him the nice extras from not being too tired. "

I am up at 6 am every morning and work my fingers to the bone, and my house is rarely "nice" when my dh comes home, because my young boys have their needs too that take quite a bit of time. I really don't think my dh gets any of the "extras" you talk about. I go to bed at 10, and believe me, I usually am too tired.

That being said, I love my dh and my two kids dearly, and I know they love me. My dh and I still work to make time for each other though it is hard. When we have a problem, we talk about it. We have a good life together. As my baby gets older and isn't requiring as much from me, maybe the housework won't take so long, and maybe I will have more time to spend doing what I want to do. But as my mother can tell you, even after the kids are all grown up, you still don't get a lot of time for yourself. She has been married for 40 some odd years now, and has a great relationship with my dad. I did not vow to be married to my dh until death do we part. We were married for time and all eternity. Think about that. We are married forever. That is a long time. My dh is my best friend and we work every day to make our marriage work. Divorce is NOT an option for us. I will always be faithful to him, and I know, because I know him, that he will ALWAYS be faithful to me. We are partners for eternity.

Jayme

 

Photobucket

Pages