Newsweek - Why get married?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Newsweek - Why get married?
132
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 1:24pm
There are some interesting responses to the Newsweek article on cheating wives which brings up a question? Why do people still want to get married, on the affair support board many are wanting to marry their affair partner and start the perfect life. If you are a male the court system is going to destroy you in a divorce so why keep getting married. Just a note to start, I think there have allways been just about the same amount on cheating women as men (who would the men have sex with, so it has to be about the same). A recent college study with a lie detector showed that women lie about sex questions and that throws off surveys that don't use them. Over all the percent of cheating women and men has increased over the past thirty years as well as the divorce rate. Currently, according to paternity lab results, about 30% of children in divorce cases were not fathered by the husband.

Getting married is a huge gamble with your life and the current success rate is less than 50%. I am currently married and have been for a long time but if I were ever divorced or a young person starting out I don't think I would ever marry. The odds of being betrayed are just too great.

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Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 5:04pm
I already responded to the original post, thank you. I apologize if I misread your comments though.

But to answer your question...would we be as happy if we didn't marry? How could I know? We're all selfish human beings and when you choose not to marry, are you doing so in order to remain free and unattached on some level? I don't know.

My DH and I felt it was important to be married for symbolic and spiritual reasons, not just to be legally bound by a piece of paper. Because we feel that marriage is a sacred bond between two people, a promise made before God and witnesses. The ceremony only celebrates that promise to one another and makes it public. But even more importantly, we feel that children are better served, legally and emotionally, in our society by having married parents.

Remaining unmarried IS a lifestyle choice though...and always has been, hasn't it? People have been choosing not to marry ever since I can remember anyway. But with the present attitudes and unrealistic expectations of marriage today, I'm not so sure I would marry again if anything happened to my DH.

My point about the laws was that they become this big institutional entity blamed for unfair treatment but they're only in place because of the demands of the people. Easy, no-fault divorces are the result of the demands of the people. So, when you blame the laws that govern child support, divorce, etc. you're essentially blaming yourself if you don't participate by voting for laws that make divorce more fair and equitable for husbands and fathers. Children are the most vunerable victims in divorce though...they get NO choices.

I would like to see judges impose madatory counseling in more divorce cases rather than just signing the final decree so quickly, particularly when there are children to consider.




Edited 7/30/2004 5:32 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2004
Thu, 10-07-2004 - 8:02am
i got married when i was 19. at first it was hard but the reason i am still married is the values that were instilled in me when i was growing up and i guess i found someone who was just as serious as i was about it. being married is a commitment and if you're not ready don't do it. and dont forget u attract the kind of people that u are.u are what u eat.meaning find someone that has the same values that u have, share the same dreams. and u can find those people in the weirdest places i am south american and i found mu husband all the way here. totally different backgrounds but same values in life. good luck .keep looking and don't settle for just a good sex partner there is more to life than that.

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