Newsweek - Why get married?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Newsweek - Why get married?
132
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 1:24pm
There are some interesting responses to the Newsweek article on cheating wives which brings up a question? Why do people still want to get married, on the affair support board many are wanting to marry their affair partner and start the perfect life. If you are a male the court system is going to destroy you in a divorce so why keep getting married. Just a note to start, I think there have allways been just about the same amount on cheating women as men (who would the men have sex with, so it has to be about the same). A recent college study with a lie detector showed that women lie about sex questions and that throws off surveys that don't use them. Over all the percent of cheating women and men has increased over the past thirty years as well as the divorce rate. Currently, according to paternity lab results, about 30% of children in divorce cases were not fathered by the husband.

Getting married is a huge gamble with your life and the current success rate is less than 50%. I am currently married and have been for a long time but if I were ever divorced or a young person starting out I don't think I would ever marry. The odds of being betrayed are just too great.

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Avatar for zaboz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 3:25pm
Well, there is always a chance of being betrayed

in ANY relationship, not just marriage. How does

NOT getting married protect you from betrayal?

If anything, your odds are better

because at least you both started out (hopefully)

with intentions of a firm commitment.
Avatar for zaboz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 3:40pm
Right. In my definition, love has never

meant being a doormat. But it shouldn't

have to, because a loving partner

wouldn't treat you that way in the first place.
Avatar for papparic
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 4:49am
Marriage is more than a word, it's a sentence.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 8:08am
You're right, men should never get married nowadays. With the way women are, and the "family" court system the way it is, (a joke) it is completely hopeless. Where you're wrong, is that the no.1 type of divorce filed in this country is the "no fault" divorce. 75% of these are filed by women. Women simply are too critical of men, with ridiculous expectations, and are completely self-absorbed, self-centered mall zombies. There's nothing even likeable about American women anymore. We as men created these personality-less monsters by putting women on a pedestal, not to mention the fact that we were the ones who actually gave them "liberation," i.e., air conditioned offices, cell phones, malls, luxury cars, etc. We invented all of that. So it's little wonder why the modern American woman is now worthless. They've simply taken everything for granted, which is typical female behavior: Give women gifts and money and they will never appreciate it.. you've only set a bar of expectation. (Which is why you should NEVER give a woman ANYTHING, EVER, guys!) Women aren't even interested in marriage. Talk to any woman who's not married right now, and bring up the subject of marriage. The first thing out of her mouth will be the description of her future "wedding." Women only like the vain, superficial, fleeting part of marriage.. the very first day. Wedding magazines and catalogs are larger than the yellow pages for some cities. (Women are completely superficial.. for instance they only talk about "babies" or "puppies..".. not "people" or "dogs"..) Women only care about the wedding part of marriage because it involves a great deal of attention being paid to them. And that is ultimately all a woamn wants, is constant attention paid to them, of course not for anything constructive.. no, just the childish, "look at me (for no particular reason)" kind of sickening self-centeredness. The groom could be a freaking mannequin for all they care, because for women, it's ALL about themselves. I have talked to so many men who said they were married to a woman for 10 years who told them that they loved them everyday, then suddenly turned on them like snakes, stunned by how much she suddenly seems to know about family law and how she's been manipulting and calculating behind the scenes. We're conditioned through movies, TV, and the news to believe that MEN are calculating and evil, but this is all a load of garbage. My suggestion is that if you want to marry, move to a foreign country. Instead of addressing the real issue of what monsters American women are, of course, the drearily predictable response from the women on this thread is going to be "you can't say they're all like that," or "yes, there are SOME women like that..BUT." Who has the luxury of time to weed through thousands of American women looking for that one rare, decent one, when MOST of them are that way? Who has the luxury of risking throwing away their lives? How can you even tell if an American woman is "decent?" They're so completely fake in their "niceness." Make no mistake, guys, this is about SURVIVAL.. forget political correctness. Political correctnes is for fools that are going to die at a young age! I agree txguy, marriage for a man is IRRESPONSIBLE. Any man that would get married in 2004 in America is obviously ill-informed, uneducated, a complete sucker, and a loser who's going to make a lot of OTHER bad, foolish choices as well, so therefore isn't worth marrying in the first place. Until women change, the future of the American family and marriage is grim and completely hopeless. I've actually thought about traveling the country, maybe doing seminars for men, warning and teaching them of the horrors of the family court system, the psychological and pathological profile of American women, saving them a lifetime of misery.


Edited 7/24/2004 8:54 am ET ET by verve2004
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 8:36am
WOW !!! Relationships can be tricky, more issues today than the past and good long term relationships are hard to come by. I still love women however and think that they add a lot to this world but I think marriage is a big committment that needs very careful consideration before making that decision.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 9:04am
Don't get me wrong, I love women too.. which is why I'm sickened by American "women" all the more.. I don't really even consider them "women." They might have vaginas, but that's about where it ends. I travel abroad a lot, and the quality of life in this regard is SO much better in other countries. I have a 19 year-old daughter as well, and she knows exactly how I think and agrees with me wholeheartedly. I think I've raised her to be a decent person, but what am I going to do, marry my daughter? Trust me, foriegn is the way to go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 9:56am
Hi papparic. Listen, I found your one liner very interesting, lol! I'm curious now what you meant by that:

"Marriage is more than a word, it's a sentence."

Your meaning is probably obvious, but there's nothing wrong with 'some' of us hearing it again anyway, right? ;)

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 10:12am
Hi verve. I have to agree with almost everything you've posted about this so far...

...but thats only if I do so from your point of view. If you'll allow me, I'd like to offer another point of view:

Despite the numerous and even evergrowing number of challenges facing the possibilities of enjoying a loving committed marriage these days, always remember that there ARE those of us who have one . Although you've witnessed the 'evidence' through your point of view of just how impossible it seems to find a good and committed woman here in America, it is just as realistic to remember that the stories you've heard do not represent of them and the women you've seen do not represent of them and the divorce vs. marriage stats you've read does not indicate it must include future necessarily either.

Your point of view has what appears to be very valid backup, LOL, but that is a point of view based only on what YOU have learned or investigated. I encourage you to learn from other points of views as well, particularly positive ones. Feel free to compare what you've learned with the views of happy marriages out there, particularly those that have lasted a while. There are some right here on THIS message board who've been married for quite some time actually, but take a peek at the Happily Married board

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlhappilymar

and feel free to ask them this same question. You'll obviously get mixed responses just like here, but that board actually on the subject and may likely be able to provide better wording than we probably can here on the topic.

Hope you consider it, and please keep an open mind...u just might b surprised.

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2003
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 10:36am
So, your bottom line is that you wouldn't get married again, or do it all over the same, because the chance of getting cheated on is too great? Life isn't perfect. $hit happens and you get over it and on with it. YES being betrayed is horrible and it hurts and it sucks and it seems sometimes like the end of the world - but guess what - it isn't always.

Sometimes it is a wakeup call! My husband of 18 years had an 'online affair' and I was devastated for a moment and then I realized it was an opportunity to communicate about why and what we wanted and what we are going to do with our future!

We have a better marraige, we have sex more now than when we were dating, *better sex , and I see a future that includes "us".

I think people get lazy when they get married. It's work, marraige isn't a reason to sit back and watch the world go by - kwim?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 11:00am
Most women? Hmmmmm. I like you have two American daughters. I believe I have taught them well, both by parenting and example. I was never afraid to USE others as an example to show them first-hand what NOT to do. I often brought empathy to the surface....and said "How would you feel if that happened to you?" Perhaps that's how come they're both very respectful, unsuperficial, happy, loving, considerate, people. I would have no qualms about pointing out how their actions affect others. If they ever said or did something towards anyone, including a boyfriend, I wouldn't allow it to go unaddressed. They are almost 20 and 16 and I am very proud of WHO they are as young women. They are unselfish, unmaterialistic, respectful, goal oriented, and marriage is the last on their list of priorities). I think that any man would be honored to know them. And they too have one stipulation....they also seek the same in a mate. You give all/most American men more credit then is due them. Not all men are perfect(as you insinuated) humans and are void of all of those negative traits including wanting to get married. In fact, my older daughter told me a story yesterday about a five-year old boy who proposed to her(she works at a day-camp). He went on and on about who he has to get a job first working in a car wash, and she has to wait for him. She said that she would have given her whole summer's wage to have it on tape. When a man is in love, he has a one-track mind. ;-)

I just find it ludicrous that you think that most women marry for the wedding day ONLY and not for any other reason. I know that I wanted all of my family, friends and co-workers to be present at my wedding because I loved all of them and it was an important event to me. We had 225 people at our wedding, but at the time it was $16.00 a plate(and that was the cheapest). We paid for our own wedding and we broke out even. We're married 23 years. I remember that day still, but it's just a symbol of the beginning of a journey, not the end(as you suggest). That's sad really. My daughters will want to get married, but not until they fall in love--not just for attention(as you put it). They don't need the attention of others to feel good about themselves. When they marry it will be for the real reasons--love, commitment, family. They're American, and proud of it.

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