Newsweek - Why get married?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Newsweek - Why get married?
132
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 1:24pm
There are some interesting responses to the Newsweek article on cheating wives which brings up a question? Why do people still want to get married, on the affair support board many are wanting to marry their affair partner and start the perfect life. If you are a male the court system is going to destroy you in a divorce so why keep getting married. Just a note to start, I think there have allways been just about the same amount on cheating women as men (who would the men have sex with, so it has to be about the same). A recent college study with a lie detector showed that women lie about sex questions and that throws off surveys that don't use them. Over all the percent of cheating women and men has increased over the past thirty years as well as the divorce rate. Currently, according to paternity lab results, about 30% of children in divorce cases were not fathered by the husband.

Getting married is a huge gamble with your life and the current success rate is less than 50%. I am currently married and have been for a long time but if I were ever divorced or a young person starting out I don't think I would ever marry. The odds of being betrayed are just too great.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 2:44pm
Hooray for that response. We NEED both incomes. There is always a hot meal (cold in this 105 degree heat) and family time. I love my job and would NEVER trade it for the house even if we could afford it. What use would I be to anybody staying at home. My daughter is in school until 3:30. Why do I need to be there? We all pitch in to keep the house spotless and yard manicured. Too tired for sex? Yeah right!

My mother was a stay at home mom. Life was pure hell for us. God forbid anybody actually track dirt into HER clean house. Perhaps if she had a function, she would not have obsessed on the house or have been resentful of us tying her down or even being there.

Our little American family is quite well thank you.



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 2:50pm
My mother dropped out of USC (fully paid) to marry my father. When they got divorced she had to go into the work force with no experience whatsoever. Her life is pretty messed up now. She probably should have gotten some skills along the line.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 3:08pm
Robin, my only answer as a defnese to that(the predicament you mentioned) is to teach our sons and daughters to become fully functioning on their own before marriage and/or kids(college educated), so that if divorce or death happens they can then return to good jobs/careers. Also, I think if we teach them how to choose partners responsibly it will also cut down on the risk.

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 3:10pm
You missed my posts on the wedding board. My wedding costed $3,000. This included:

Rings, invitations, my dress, his outfit, wedding in a park officiated by a friend, dinner for 50, favors, a guest book (99 cent store), a cake and two champagne toasts.

I would agree that some women are about making the wedding extravagant and forgetting the actual marriage (like forcus on the birth and forgetting you are actually getting a baby), but I spent time on those boards and didn't see much of that. Most people couldn't begin to afford such nonsense.

To us, marriage wasn't about raising kids. We already have two from prior unmarried relationships. It was about a promise made to each other before God and our families to stay together. We were already married in our hearts, but we wanted to stand before the world knowing that we made both a private and public promise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 3:12pm
>>My mother was a stay at home mom. Life was pure hell for us. God forbid anybody actually track dirt into HER clean house. Perhaps if she had a function, she would not have obsessed on the house or have been resentful of us tying her down or even being there.<<

That is her personality, her being a SAHM doesn't mean it turned her into a neat freak. Their are slobs and neat freaks who stay home, and slobs and neat freaks who work. That is neither here nor there. And your point of perhaps if she had a function is valid, but that doesn't necessarily mean a traditional job. It could mean a hobby, volunteer work, etc. I certainly don't define myself as a wife and mother only.

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2003
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 3:18pm
If you don't work for several years in a field, then you often aren't welcomed back with open arms later when you need to work. I'm a nurse. There is always a nursing shortage. I teach a class that assists nurses who haven't worked in awhile to get back into nursing. It is shocking to me that the health care arena doesn't welcome these nurses back. And we are in a field where there is a big need. Imagine what happens to people who work in more competitive fields. And what about people who work in technology? The technology changes several times while they are staying at home, then their skills are no longer marketable. There should be a way for people to stay marketable should they need to return to work. As far as choosing well, people change over 30 years. Couples sometimes grow apart and separate even when both are wonderful people. And sometimes one person will make a bad decision that will destroy the relationship. My parents were married 30 years and then my father died at age 50. This put my mother in an uneviable position although she had worked almost all those years. It is impossible to predict the future. Like I said, I'm not personally going to be affected by the choice to stay at home because my child is grown (and yes that is bragging, raising a daughter is hard work, lol). But my daughter is going to have to face this dilemna some day. I wish the world to be a better place for her to make that decision.

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 3:22pm
Hmmmmm, sounds like you came out if the bad end of a divorce. It is probably best that you not ever get married. You attitude towards marriage and women in general is one of the scariest I've ever seen.

Glad my husband is so laid back and not bitter about the divorce he went through. It was bad. I think I'll go home and kiss him for not being you.

You do win a prize for the most scathing rant I've ever read on these boards.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 3:23pm
It all comes down to choice. You could worry yourself forever over what if's, or you can live your life. You just have to choose with full knowledge. If you know that there is the possibility this won't work out and you'd be starting over, but you choose to stay home for the benefit of your family, then if it doesn't work out you will not likely regret your choice. If one of my children should die tomorrow, I will atleast take comfort in the fact that I was home with them instead of spending time away at a job. It's worth the risk to me.

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 3:29pm
Agree. It was just her personality. I was one of the SAHM's while many of my friend's HAD to work, and they resented having to go to work. There was one mother who was the neat freak, and was more like an army sargeant to her kids when she was at home. She worked and went to college(her husband worked and took care of the kids and house). The kids were always at sitters and hardly ever saw their parents. I tried to help out whenever I could as I did with many of my friend's who had to work full-time. BTW, my house was not a museum. I loved giving the kids paint and playdough where some parents would never allow it. I gave them paper mache`(flour and water) mixture to keep them busy. I was never anal about my home, I love having children in it messing it all up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 3:33pm
What debate? I've yet to see a debate. What do you want to debate about? Most of the people on IVillage have been through soem pretty huge problems that included adultery, cheating boyfriends/girlfiriends, death of children/spouses, disease, loss of jobs, spousal abuse, child abuse, etc.

This is no cutesy world here. What makes these people somewhat different is that they don't choose to be so pessimistic and angry.

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