No desire for sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
No desire for sex
5
Fri, 07-01-2005 - 8:23am

I am 25yrs old, have been married for a little over 3 years and have a 7 month old. For the past two years I have had absolutely no desire to have sex and even when we do I don't enjoy it very much. Sex is just like a chore to me.

Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions as to what I could do to help with this problem?

THanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 07-01-2005 - 8:40am

If it was just since you had the baby, I would say that it's a combination of things, your hormones, being more tired with a new baby, an adjustment period, etc. that comes along with giving birth and adjusting to being a mom and the added responsibility.


But since this has been going on long before you had a baby, what has changed in your life when you lost your desire and enjoyment?


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
Fri, 07-01-2005 - 8:58am

Thanks for the reply.

Like I said, I'm 25 and have been married for a little over 3 years. When we got married we were both virgins. For the first year the sex was great and it was at least twice a week. Then, I started not wanting it as much and it's has dwindled down to once every two weeks or sometimes even longer.

I talked to my OB/GYN about this while I was pregnant and she dismissed it even though I told her it had been going on for a while before I got pregnant (and we weren't trying so it wasn't from the stress of trying or anything). I am on a few meds for allergies and Hypothyoridism but don't think it's from that.

I just don't want to have it any more because I'm always so tired and then when we do it's just okay but I'd rather be sleeping.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Fri, 07-01-2005 - 10:12am

As Tish said, NOW, there's a very good reason for your lack of interest. It takes at least a year for your hormones to settle down after having a baby....add to that the work involved in taking care of a baby, and how tired you are....it would be odd if you felt any other way.

As for how it was BEFORE you had the baby.....that's a different story. Since you were both virgins, it follows that neither of you knows a lot about different positions, trying "different" things to make it more interesting, etc.

In the beginning, it's always exciting, even if you do nothing but have intercourse...but that gets old. A successful sexual relationship is always growing, it's a work in progress. You have to read things, find out about new things, TRY new things, and work at keeping it interesting.

For a woman especially, you need lots of foreplay, oral sex, manual sex, romance OUT of the bedroom so that you look forward to getting INTO the bedroom. Do you have any of that? If not, then it's time for the two of you to start talking to each other, and start being honest about how you feel. Do a little experimenting.....get some porn video and watch it together (It can give you some good ideas!). Ask him what HE'd like to try, and have an open mind about it.

Libido is a good part mental, and if you're not excited about it, you're not going to be interested in it. Talk, read, learn, experiment.....and keep it interesting. No one wants to do something that bores them.....

For the "foreplay" part of it, if you're not sure what to do....check out www.the-clitoris.com Find out what makes your body work, and teach him, or have him read it too.
If you love your husband, and you want to have a happy, AND sexual marriage, then you have to work at it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 07-02-2005 - 2:19am
I have been having the same problem for the last few months. I don't seem to have the initial desire to want to have sex but then once I get over that hurdle, it seems to get better. For me it's just the initiating part of it. I have been experiencing some hormonal changes (I'm only in my early 30's so it's not menopause) & this causes me to have aggression & anger which makes my relationship not so good therefore the lack of desire for sex. I have read articles on hormones & what they can do when off balanced. I'm taking Horny Goat weed for her & just about to try a herbal supplement called 30 Plus (Lisa Curry Kenny - Australian promotes it.) It's not only my libido which is playing up but my emotions too & thus making me feel uninterested so I'm hoping these herbs will benefit. I've read great reports from them & they're all natural. I don't want to get into the HRT program at my age. I think it's just something more simple than that. I hope you can feel better & more desire soon.
Avatar for ariesgirl26
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 07-02-2005 - 7:29am

I don't have any tips for you, because I haven't enjoyed sex in two years and I hear you when you say it's a chore, welcome to my world!! When you find the answer to that question come and see me!!!!

Jessica