No foreplay whatsoever.
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| Sun, 02-06-2005 - 1:40pm |
I have a fairly new bf and I like him a great deal. He's a very funny, smart and soulful guy. Sex with him is awesome, at least penetration-wise. I always have orgasms and am just massively turned on by him.
However, what is a bit wierd is that there is no, read ZERO, foreplay coming from his side. I typically go down on him for at least 15-20 minutes just to get his penis really warmed up and such. Not only does he not go down on me, sometimes he doesn't do anything at all except maybe caress my arm very briefly and maybe give me a couple of kisses. Usually it's just my own saliva on him that makes insertion work, although sucking him does turn me on and I get a bit lubed up that way. A couple of times when I've been too dry to penetrate and he could feel it, he will just spit into his hand and put a glob of spit on the head of his penis. Then it is slippery enough to penetrate me and we're off to the races, but it's done so nonchalantly that it's a wierd gesture.
I have asked if he would go down on me and he says he does not like the taste. OK, that's fine, but there are different ways of doing foreplay, like using fingers, spit, enthusiasm, etc.
I'm not one of these people who treats oral sex as something that he won't get if he doesn't give. That's not how I am, and I think conversations like that are best avoided. I don't particularly mind sucking on him, as long as he gets that I have a bad gag reflex and can't take much of it in.
I know some of the women he has gone out with before and they are for the most part pretty amazing, and attractive, people. But I think he has an incredibly penis-centric view of sex. He's quite well-endowed so perhaps women have paid unusual attention to it, I don't know. It is all about him emptying his balls and if I get off in the process that's fine but incidental.
I'm not going to break up with him, I adore the guy, but I am just wondering if this is normal or if any of you have ever dealt with guys of this mindset.

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You have to talk to him and tell him what you want and that you want more foreplay besides rubbing your arm or spitting on his hand to get you lubricated.
"Normal"? I guess for him it's normal. I'd call it lazy! In fact, I'd say he's one of the guys who thinks size matters, and he's relying on that. If you want it to change, then start talking. Too bad all those other amazing and attractive women didn't set him straight a long time ago. (I can't help but wonder, what does their being amazing and attractive have to do with anything?) Whatever his past partners were, they're not with him anymore, and you have to wonder if it's because they got tired of his laziness...and sent him on his way.
So you don't feel that oral should be reciprocal....fine. But, why do you think it's ok to be so one-sided? You'll either have to put up with his selfishness, or you'll have to ask for what you want.
No, I've never dealt with a guy who didn't want to touch me or engage in foreplay. Seems odd to me, that a person who is aroused and attracted to their partner would NOT want to touch them. In fact, I remember always having that struggle to keep their hands, etc. out of my pants and bra until I was ready! LOL!
And even though you MIGHT be okay with his "penis-centric" point of view for the moment, I suspect it will get very old with time.
Edited 2/7/2005 10:28 am ET ET by katmandoo2001
After reading Kat's response, I realized that I left out a thought:
Why doesn't he "touch" you manually?
Why worry? It happens to the best of us? NO, it happens to those who allow their lover to be selfish.
HE says it's a waste of time and energy.....sure it might be for HIM, but what about you? If you're ok with no foreplay, then God Bless you. Most of us aren't ok with that. If he cared about YOUR pleasure, he would be willing to "waste" his time and energy to give you pleasure. Can you honestly say that's okay with you? I sure wouldn't accept that! There are two of you in that bed, and you're BOTH supposed to enjoy it, and get pleasure from it. You aren't there to give HIM pleasure if he can't do the same for you.
Foreplay is a
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