No kissing allowed....
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No kissing allowed....
| Thu, 10-14-2004 - 11:02am |
Ok, I have had this problem with my husband for a long time now. And I'm wondering if I'm alone, or if anyone else has this problem. He doesn't kiss me......EVER! Not even during sex. It's been three years. And when I talk to him about it, he doesn't see a problem with it. He says he doesn't "want" to. I've even told him that I have dreams about being kissed, and he still doesn't get it. I have a couple girlfriends that tell me that that is crazy. Can anyone give me some good advice on this one? And I'm not an ugly person, or extremely overweight, so that shouldn't be the problem. Thanks!

First of all, you're not alone sister. In fact, lol, there are times when my own wife will tell me the same thing. I'm so into the rest of her body that I just simply don't pay enough attention to those things that she does, lol.
This problem is so common that I dare to label it as in my own thinking. You mentioned that he said he didn't want to, but you didn't mention "why" he didn't want to. Only you can find that out, but in the meantime, here's an interesting viewpoint from an article I remember reading recently, along with a link to the Dr. Ruth message board:
"My husband doesn't kiss me anymore!"
http://magazines.ivillage.com/redbook/experts/gray/qas/0,,192655_593767,00.html
Ask Dr. Ruth
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlruth
I think it would encourage him to open up the communication on this a little more if he didn't feel forced into it when you ask him whats up. For example, remind him that he doesn't have to do this, but that you just wanted to be sure that you weren't doing anything wrong anyway and would like to know why he isn't interested. I'm not necessarily saying this is true at all, lol, I'm just saying that I've read this to be effective at getting men to open up more about it without feeling like their answers are going to be attacked or ridiculed. Make sense?
Furthermore, while communicating with him, perhaps it'd if you asked him if it was okay for you to tell him why you desire it anyway, just so he understands you better, then that would open up his and willingness to feel your side of the issue better too. Just an idea to think about. No magic words of advice, lol.
Let us know how things turn out and teach the rest of us, okay?
:)
:)
C h a r a c t e r
above all else
Mr. Para
C H A R A C T E R
I think you need to talk with your DH more and find out just what it is that bothers him about kissing. If it's just a discomfort or ignorance about how to do it, then you might be able to work with him on that. But if he's deadset against it, believes it's spreading germs, etc. then nagging about it will do no good and more likely, make him more resolute about not doing it.
My question to you is, did he kiss you before you married him? And if kissing has always been important to you, then why would you marry a man who doesn't like to???
Does he know how much kissing means to you and your enjoyment of sex? Have you asked him to try and make it part of your lovemaking again? Does he know why he's not interested in it anymore? Does he seem distant or reserved in other areas of your relationship? Are there any unresolved conflicts that could be causing the avoidance?
I hope that through honest discussion, you can come to some conclusion that allows for some kind of compromise. Like any other issue in the bedroom though, you can only express your desires and hopes but you can't force them on your partner. Hopefully, he'll want to please you and remember how much fun it was to kiss and want to try again. The last resort would be counseling to determine if there is an intimacy issue that he's not disclosing to you. Good luck!
Edited 10/14/2004 6:11 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001