No Longer Interested In The Nookie!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
No Longer Interested In The Nookie!
16
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 1:15am
My boyfriend is no longer interested in sex! He doesn't mind if I offer oral sex but when I'm in the mood, he brushes me off and claims he's tired or not in the mood. What's going on? We use to have sex like no tommorrow! I think he's cheating on me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2007
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 1:28am
Could be or maybe his not interested on you. im sorry to say that, I know it hurts but those could be the possibilities. dont feel bad, im in the same boat.... kind of.... i hope im wrong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2006
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 2:30am

First off what makes you think he's cheating?
How long have you been together?
How's work going for him?
Has sex become routine?
Have you asked him if he's stressed about something?

There's lots of reason's he could seem distant.
Think about those questions before you make assumptions.
You should talk to him watch his body language body language talks
more then the mouth. A FBI agent on Kera tv. said that if a person "looks at the
ground when they give answers." "Then they are lying". "Or if they look to the
side and tap there feet then they are lying." In a magazine I read. It said
when a guy looks ((over your head)) instead of looking strait at you then they are
telling the truth. I don't know why they didn't mention the girl. But I have found all of this to stand true in my own experience.

Hope this helps
Kareese

Let us know what happens.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 8:40am
Hi and welcome designer... How old is he? Are there any medical conditions or meds that he's taking? Is he stressed?



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 8:55am

There are all kinds of reasons why men lose interest in sex. Cheating is probably the LAST reason. He could be losing interest in the relationship. Many times problems in the bedroom are the result of problems outside the bedroom. If the relationship isn't going well, the interest in sex doesn't go well, either. He could just be getting lazy and selfish. He doesn't mind you "servicing" him.....he's getting what he wants!

He could have physical problems. A visit to a doctor could rule that out. He might have some emotional problems. Unless you ask, you'll never know.

Most important of all is communication. If you feel like something is wrong, instead of letting your imagination run away with you.....start talking to him, OUT of the bedroom, and ask him what's going on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 8:57am

Welcome to the board designer_ninanicole.

There are many reasons why his libido may have dropped. It could be that he's having an affair, but it could also be that he's having stress, medical problems, depression, and a long list of other possibilities.

Have you tried to talk to him about why he's lost interest?

What's making you think he's having an affair? Does he have a lot of time that's unaccounted for? Do you feel he's sneaking around and keeping a secret? I think there are usually tell-tale signs of an affair, loosing interest in sex is just one of them.

I wouldn't be offering oral sex to him. I would try to talk to him about what's going on and how you feel -- although I wouldn't accuse him of having an affair. Usually when the newness of the relationship wears off, sex starts to take a back seat. Sometimes you have to make time for sex even if you're not in the mood, and it sounds like he needs to hear that. Some couples find that they plan a date night and they plan sex. It's not as romantic or exciting, but it can help a couple get back on track with their sex life.

Here are some articles that you might also find helpful:

3 Communication Pitfalls to Avoid
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscommunicate/0,,7mcw,00.html
Solutions to Your Top Two Communication Problems
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscommunicate/0,,saver_7p3g,00.html
Speak Up! Ask Him for What You Want
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscommunicate/0,,7ffztdxn,00.html
How can I get my guy to listen?
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscommunicate/0,,guystellall_9nmljwsn,00.html

8 Warning Signs That Your Man is Having a Midlife Crisis
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsunderstandmen/whathedoes/0,,pnk4,00.html
32 Emotional Signs That He’s Cheating
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscheating/0,,nt4p,00.html

Keep us posted on how it's going.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 9:48am
Well, I tend to over analyze things so I know what's coming to me before hand, so I'm not hurt or too surprised. But he doesn't show me affection no more, he's getting on me about my weight and appearance which, I'm 5'7" at 140 and very attractive might I add, his excuse for hounding me about my looks is that in public people see how pretty I am and how I carry myself at work then when I get home I let my hair down. I dress up when necessary. But, my point is, he doesn't pursue me I'm always the one pursuing him. And it's not that I'm too sexual, it's what I became use to in the early stages of the relationship. Plus, I'm the type that likes to cuddle and always shows affection. We argue now and again because my finances and the fact that I might know more than he does. And he says he wants to work things out and that he loves me and make me his wife in the near future. He wants me to show him how. I look at it this way, when you love someone and have very deep feelings it causes you to behave that way, it moves you to show that person how much. I don't know, that's just me. We're complete opposites!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 9:58am

"I'm 5'7" at 140 and very attractive might I add, his excuse for hounding me about my looks is that in public people see how pretty I am and how I carry myself at work then when I get home I let my hair down."

Does he want a trophy wife? Everyone needs to be able to let their hair down and relax -- especially when at home. Remind him that vows say "for better, for worse". I think it's nice to dress up for DH, but he damn well better want me when I'm in my sweats too! Love and commitment are not built on looks and lust, that's called infatuation.

Do you think there's a chance that he would attend couples counseling with you before marriage? I think that would be a great place to start.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 10:03am
But that's another thing, I try to talk to him and he takes it as me talking to him like a child. I think he's intimidated by my inteligence on how I approach certain situations down to the point of vocabulary. He's your average mans man! But i feel that I've proven to him that he can trust me, I don't judge anything about him, not even his bad habbits, which are slim. Flaws he has I love and find more attractive cause he's human. So, there's really no reason. Stress, there isn't much, other than the basics, which we discuss. Eveything he watches I watch, so no problem there. I try to give him space and visit my folks but then he doesn't want me to be gone long(2-3 hours are my visits). I really don't know. And it's stressing me out cause I like when we're intimate I feel conected to him even more and it feels good. Between work nad other things I would like us to stop, every now and again when his parents arn't home, which is like always, and take time for us to 'connect', bond, show that we still find eachother irresistable.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 10:19am
His health is fine. When he visits I go with him. There might be a little stress but noting too major. And even if there is stress I try to talk to him but nothing. No meds that are ou of the norm. Pain pills once in a blue moon. He finally took my advice about taking mens multi-vitamines. He runs every day after work. And he's young! To be claiming he's tired!?! I don't know. And, I'm risking my life of pursuing college to major in fashion designing for waiting on him to get himself straight. He says he's doing it for us. First, it was joining the Air force now he's applying for a position as a cop. He was going to school majoring in CSI but felt it would take too long to obtain. I feel it's risky for me to just sit around wait to see what his next move is. And I know he's going to get the position but it's here, Georgetown, SC, I hate this place there's nothing really here for young people or couples. It's like a retirement state! The Air Force would've been a better rout 'cause we would be away from here. Somewhere with some culture.
But I don't know how he wants me to stay in this relationship, holding his hand all the way on how to treat me. I don't want to change him. But he says he's never been in a serious relationship such as this. So, even more so, he should be showing me how much he loves me and that he can't live without. He has to show me. I can't read his mind!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 10:30am
He says that when we argue. He says that he relies that he needs help. At one point he was going to speak with is mother, who is a pastor of their spanish church, but he never got around to doing it. And I don't want to keep pressuring him but then at the same time you only have one life, and I don't want to spend it trying to mend something that may be isn't meant to be. I kind of got him to stop calling me chubby in spanish. He says it's his term of endearment. Yeah right! I'm no where near chubby or fat. And something you have to realize, too, about us Hispanic people is that we tend to be very proud, gaudy, you know, flashy, always trying to look good. So, that's why he feels I should look like how he met me at the clubs, all day every day.

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