No orgasm.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2003
No orgasm.....
4
Wed, 05-03-2006 - 7:03pm
i dont get it. i can not have an orgasm through intercourse. we have been together for years and tried everything and every position and i have never experienced an orgasm. i know my SO is frustrated because he feels like a failure even though ive told him time and time again that he isnt! he can give me orgasms through oral sex..but usually only after about 30 min... yikes i know... is there something wrong with me where it takes me so long to orgasm and cant during sex? He has used his hand to stimulate me during sex as well.. but it sitll doesnt help... sometimes i have no good feelings at all down there even during oral... i really dont understand..
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-03-2006 - 10:23pm

No, there is nothing wrong with you. You sound like many, many women who don't know their own bodies well enough to ask for what they want and need to orgasm. You don't mention whether you masturbate or not but that's the best way to discover what you need to be orgasmic.

You said that you orgasm with oral stimulation, as most women do, and that's because the majority of women need direct clitoral stimulation to be orgasmic. The clitoris, not the vagina, is the main female sex organ.

And there may be emotional or psychological reasons why you don't enjoy much sensation during sexual activity as well. Only you can determine that though.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 3:38am

Relax - just layback and relax; also thoroughly enjoy the person you are without any thought of orgasm - just enjoy every sensation and relax!

IMO, that's the normal reply you're gonna get. I wish I could say it works, but I can't. The only sure way I know to get vaginal O's is to be older. I was married for 17 years and I think (yes, think, which THEY say probably means I didn't have any) I had 3 in those 17 yrs (age 21-38). Now that I have a new partner and am in my forties, I have vaginal O's every time. So, your choices are relax or get older! Good luck! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2003
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 9:46pm
thanks lol I just feel terrible because I do enjoy myself regardless. Yes its frustrating and i wish i could have a orgasm that way... but i think it bothers my boyfriend more than myself. He feels like a failure and that he isnt good. He thinks he sucks just because he cant give me orgasms that way. I have told him time and time again that i love hima nd i love being with him and i enjoy every sexual experience we have and jsut because i dont orgasm vaginally doesnt mean that everything doesnt feel great! but he doesnt believe me and thinks it cant possibly be good if im not orgasming that way and only orally... i dont know what else to do ya know
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
Fri, 05-05-2006 - 1:27am
Please go into the archive messages and read up on this subject. According to many that post here, 80% of all females don't have vaginal orgasms, so you are not alone. Many of the archived messages will have a link to a website that discusses in full detail our female body - maybe you and him should visit it. Good luck!