No sex drive- need some advice
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No sex drive- need some advice
| Sat, 07-30-2005 - 5:43pm |
Someone please help- I'm 21 and I have absolutely no sex drive. My Fiance is very concerned about this (I don't really view it as that much of a problem.) For the past 2 years, we have had sex infrequently (maybe once or twice a month) but lately it's been less and less- the last time we had sex was probably 2 months ago. We are getting married in September- he wants me to seek counseling, I'm not exactly willing to go. I have a very hard time discussing this, even though we used to be very sexual and adventerous. I think that I need someone that I can relate to- even just to talk to about this. Someone please help me!

Are there any reasons you know of that can be causing no sex drive, depression, medication, physical or emotional problems, problems in your relationship, etc.?
"we used to be very sexual and adventerous".....what changed? Are you on any new medications, including birth control or antidepressants? they can cause sexual problems. If not, have you had an annual physical, including hormone levels? What else is going on in your relationship? Very often problems in the bedroom stem from problems outside the bedroom. Having second thoughts about marriage?
You don't view it as much of a problem, but it's obvious that your fiance does view it as a problem. A normal healthy man needs and wants sex more often than once every two months. So should a normal healthy woman!
If you haven't seen your doctor, then you need to do that. If he/she finds nothing wrong, then you need to do exactly as your fiance suggested, talk to someone about what's going on. If you're not willing to do that, then it doesn't seem that you're very invested in the relationship.
If you want your marriage to work, then you have to compromise on this issue, if you can't fix it. If you're not willing to do that, then something is definitely wrong somewhere.
>>...he wants me to seek counseling, I'm not exactly willing to go. I have a very hard time discussing this, even though we used to be very sexual and adventerous. I think that I need someone that I can relate to- even just to talk to about this.<<
First thing to keep in mind is that the counselor IS that someone to relate to. This is their profession that they get paid for. Counseling has oftentimes been THE key to resolving issues where other avenues have failed.
If you indeed know this won't resolve itself, then that is what the counseling is for. If you're simply hoping this issue goes away on its own without the effort, via counseling for example, then YES you two DO have something to worry about. The most intimate part of your union together is something you don't want to discuss??? Yes, it is time to worry IMO. That is exactly where the counseling should factor in.
We don't have info other than its been quite a while since you had sex together, so there really isn't anything helpful we could say other than please take the man you trust by his hand and get that professional help together. You're going to marry him?, then stop pushing him away and start resolving this TOGETHER...thats what we married folk do.
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