no sex drive, no orgasm

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2004
no sex drive, no orgasm
4
Tue, 07-05-2005 - 8:30pm
My fiance and I definately have had a couple years of great, creative, and enticing sex. It used to be a few times a day. Recently, I haven't had any desire to do so, I think that part of it is because I never get off- unless we masturbate prior, I get off, and then we have sex so he can. I come very close to orgasm, but it takes so long that he can't hold back any longer, and I don't blame him. In the last two years, I have gotten off only 3 times vaginally. I love to masturbate (virbrator/clit) when he's off at work because there is a guarentee that I'll get off, but I think I am loosing my drive with him in a way because I'm not getting the same satisfaction he is. By all means it feels wonderful, but it takes me a bit to get into it. It seems like everytime he wants a little somethin-somethin, I'm just too tired and don't care. Please give me ideas in which I might actually be able to orgasm without him pushing the brink and then getting bored! Thank you!
-Jessica
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Tue, 07-05-2005 - 11:43pm

Are you aware that 80% or more of women don't have orgasms during intercourse? Most of us need clitoral stimulation, before and during intercourse. Usually, if you have them during foreplay, there's more of a chance to have them during intercourse....the pump is primed, so to speak.

However, the general gist of your post is that because you don't have the orgasms from intercourse, just like he does......why bother? Some women have never had an orgasm in their lives, but they manage to enjoy what pleasure they DO have. Having an orgasm doesn't make sex good......good sex makes orgasms happen. You're concentrating on the wrong thing! Also, just concentrating on having an orgasm is the best way to NOT have one.

Are you having sex to have orgasms, or are you having sex because you care about each other, and you enjoy the intimacy that sex provides? It's really kind of sad that you've lost interest because you can't have what HE has....You need to rethink what's going on.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 2:10am

Is there some reason why you can't bring your vibrator to bed with you and use it during intercourse? Or better yet...have him continue to manually stimulate you during intercourse?

Most of us need that continued stimulation to orgasm and it makes no sense to stop what's exciting you almost to the point of orgasm simply because an erection has been inserted, does it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2005
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 5:18pm
u should try expermenting with him to get him back in the mood. try role playing, s and m, or masturbrating with fruit wit him or three- somes and if that doesn't work u might want to invest in a nice pair of size ben wang balls. and if that doedn't work u should talk to him and find out wat the problem is!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 5:40pm
deleted


Edited 7/8/2005 5:52 pm ET ET by luv_vols