A No-Sex RL: I care about him, but....
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A No-Sex RL: I care about him, but....
| Fri, 04-20-2007 - 8:53pm |
I've been seeing him since last July, minus a month or so when I broke it off. I care about him deeply; he makes me laugh, we have pretty good conversations, we usually have fun. But, though we tried, disastrously, to have sex, it just doesn't work. Why? Good question. (Did I mention he's morbidly obese? That's probably reason #1. When we tried last summer--rubbing, no penetration---I could feel all his weight on me, and it made me nervous--also, my back really hurted afterward...and, when we tried recently...he couldn't get it in, I think his stomach got in the way, or something...). Actually, his size is probably the main reason we're not having sex. I value our friendship, and so, if having sex leads to a deadend, I just don't want to go there; it makes me feel bad, and frustrated, and lots of really negative things. Yet, I really miss having a sexual relationship with a loving partner. Yet, when I do see other men (with his knowledge, he knows I'm conflicted about "us'), I end up comparing them to "L" and in lots of ways, they don't measure up. Oh, also, he doesn't work...and I think his uneemployed status makes him seem, somehow, less desirable, if that makes any sense...

Have you tried woman on top (WOT) positions? Either the traditional way or reverse cowgirl style where you face his feet? Perhaps different positions will help.
Remember there are many sexual things that can be satisfying besides intercourse too.
It seems, you really like this guy, and if, he likes you, the both of you need to communicate your concerns with each other. I'm sure there is no reason why he would not want to have sex with you. The both of you need to experiment on what positions work best for you. Start with women on top.
stay away from man on top positions.