"normal"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2007
"normal"?
9
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 4:16pm

I even hate to title this post in that way.

I'd just like some help decoding my guy. We've been together for 5 months...both 33 years old and we live about 45 minutes apart. We're very very happy and very in love. I'm just a little confused about something.

I pretty much all my life have always dated guys who were all about sex. With my current bf, things are different. Part of me feels like he doesn't want me but another part thinks I just need insight into if the behavior is "normal".

We both work entirely different schedules, him getting off of work at 11:30pm. He comes to my house afterwards about twice a week. When he gets here, it's super late and we usually end up going right to bed. He loves to rub me, talk to me, play with my hair, etc., but he usually subtly initiates sex. We're usually in bed about an hour before anything starts to happen. I don't try to initiate that often...he is tired after work and is building a new home, which often leads him to work a full 7 hours before he goes to his official "job". We've had sex so far every night that he's been at my house, but I can't help but worry since I have to initiate more than I ever had before that something is wrong, even though we definitely have great chemistry. The other times I see him are usually at his house, which is actually his parent's house (while he finishes the home he is building.)

My concerns my seem silly, and I've visited the libido board...I'm just used to almost fighting guys off and this is so different to me. We've talked about it once...and he replied that's not all that he wants and he often after work is just exhausted. After things do "get started", it is absolutely fantatic.

I"m trying to be sensitive to his needs (and he is a wonderful lover) but I'm thinking we've only been together 5 months...is something wrong? In our convo about this, he says he's in love with me and doesn't feel like we need to have sex all the time.

Thoughts? Is this a mismatched libido situation that will only get worse?

Thank you :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 4:36pm
Has he been like this for the whole time? Has he been this busy all this time? If so, chances are, he could just be exhausted. If not, it could be a problem. Maybe you should take some quiet time together and see what happens. Like a weekend away or something.



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 5:34pm

I think nhgal asked some good questions. Has he always been this way, or is it just because he's basically doing 2 jobs? Building a house can be very demanding and exhausting whether he's doing all the physical labor himself or not.

I wonder if you would get a better reaction from him if you didn't have sex every time you were together. Perhaps he is tired and just wants to snuggle and drift off to sleep sometimes.

It's really difficult to answer if this is normal for him, not knowing all the circumstances. I know that when life is more demanding, sex can easily get put on the back burner. Trying to create a balance might help both of you out.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 8:04pm
Thanks for your replies. To respond to your questions, it hasn't really been like this the entire time. We started having sex after about two months but he's always been very clear that sex isn't his sole purpose for being with me/that he sees long-term potential and he didn't want to give me the wrong idea by seeming too forward after we first were intimate (from right after we started having sex).
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 8:27pm

Have you tried talking to him and letting him know how you feel? Maybe he doesn't want to give you that impression or make you feel that is all he wants. If you let him know that you have a high libido then perhaps he will become more comfortable with it. Also, he may just need you to be the one that initiates more. There are some guys who are like that.

If he's not turning you down, then chances are his libido is fine.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 8:29pm

You must be a mind reader. I was just going to reply with almost the same response.

I agree she needs to talk to him about it.



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:47pm

>>We've had sex so far every night that he's been at my house,<<

That statement right there leads me to believe that his libido is fine and he is probably just completely wore out. Most LL men will find excuses not to especially when they are tired even in the early stages of the relationship.

I would say that as long as he responds that way even when he is so tired you don't have a lot to worry about. You may want to tell him that you like it when he is aggressively seeking sex -- but have that discussion outside of the bedroom of course!

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 12:04am

I agree with tamikins......I can't believe that you have sex every time you see him, and the man is working 16-18 hours a day, he takes his time touching you and caressing you, and USUALLY "subtly initiates sex......and you think there's a problem because you have to "initiate" more often than you ever have before?

This man drives 45 minutes to see you after working 8 hours at a job and probably almost as many hours on his home.....and you want him to be super stud? I think you should be thankful that he doesn't pass out as soon as he hits the door!

Given the circumstances, how much more "normal" would you expect him to be?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2006
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 1:49pm


He sounds like a gentlemen to me!!
Very caring and thoughtful. I bet when
the work load isn't so heavy you will see
a whole new energy come out of him.

kareese

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 2:55pm
I think that you've found a guy that enjoys sex and has a healthy libido but just doesn't feel the need to aggressively chase you for sex. You are having sex frequently and you say that it's good. He doesn't turn you down or refuse sex. And that's despite him usually being tired. It all sounds just fine to me. If you *need* a guy to initiate and aggressively chase you then this is not the guy for you. But he sounds fine to me.