Not being able to finish sex
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Not being able to finish sex
| Mon, 04-30-2007 - 11:59pm |
My boyfriend and I recently had sex for the first time. He told me that he had stamina and sometimes can take him a long time to ejaculate. We had sex for an hour and a half and I was exhausted! He told me that he couldn't ejaculate from the sex. I was absolutely mortified feeling like I'd done something wrong. We talked about it and he assured me that it wasn't me. He has only been sexual with one other girl. He said for the first few times and the last few times with her he had the same problem. He doesn't really know why this happens. It takes him a long time to ejaculate with four play as well. I've never encountered this problem with any of my past guys. It was always the opposite problem. Although he assures me that it was great and that I was great I am not confident in having sex with him again soon. I really hope someone can help me with this. I don't think this is very common but I would really appreciate some advice.

It's really not UNcommon. First time sex with a new partner is stressful for a guy. I have a clue for you......next time, don't let him go on so long. I can't believe the first time you ever had intercourse that you were able to stand it that long. When it gets too long, just tell him to stop. He can finish by hand, or you can help him manually or orally.
Your b/f doesn't have "stamina"......he has a problem relaxing enough to ejaculate. It had NOTHING to do with you whatsoever. There's nothing you can do wrong during intercourse. This is him, being nervous, being scared, having performance anxiety, or who knows what....but it's his hang up. Hopefully, as he gets more comfortable being with you, he'll be able to finish quicker.
I think it's pretty normal. I rapidly went out of one relationship and into another this past fall. I loved cumming inside the old one, it was all I ever thought about. It took me literally weeks before I came inside the new girl. It was just different. Much more lubed and quite a bit less tight. But I don't think that has much to do with it. What really mattered was, the previous gf talked to me a lot and I was very aware of what she was feeling. The new one, while she has a lovely tiny body, wasn't nearly as free to talk. So it didn't quite get me into that same psychological state. Interestingly, the first time I came inside her was right after she had an orgasm. You can feel it kind of twitch and you know she's feeling so great so it happens.
Believe me, she was stressed out that for several weeks I didn't cum inside her. It was fun doing belly shots, facials, bjs, sunglasses, everything but inside her. Even when she'd specifically say "cum inside me." It just didn't happen. I still don't cum inside her all that often. She's wonderful and gorgeous, but somehow it's just not all that happening between her legs for me. I don't know if it's delayed ejaculation or what, but I know that when I finally feel that feeling that it's gonna blow in 15 seconds, as much as anything else I'm relieved. Not the best situation; just being starkly honest.
Welcome to the board dreamonjaded1.
I bet you were exhausted after intercourse for that long -- he probably was too. There are a lot of things that go into orgasms (for both sexes). For him, the anxiety of having a new partner was likely the cause. As he indicated with his last GF, he had problems at the beginning and at the end of the relationship. Perhaps at the end of the relationship it was anxiety over the fact that he knew the relationship was ending.
Another thing that can contribute to the problem is his own masturbation habits. How long has it been since he has had a partner? If he has either masturbated for a long time, or has masturbated frequently, then he may be used to his own hand. The grip that a guy can make with his own hand is very different than the feeling that he will experience inside of the vagina. If that's the case, he can retrain himself by not masturbating for a while.
Since he is having problems, and you probably don't want to last as long as he needs, I recommend more foreplay for the time being. Get him closer to orgasm during foreplay and see if that makes a difference.
Good luck, and let us know how things go.
my partner in the siggy exchange