Not even a minute man

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2007
Not even a minute man
16
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 3:24am
This is a very awkward subject for me to discuss hence the fact I am doing it anonymously online. I have been in a relationship for a few years now and am actually engaged to be married the problem is we are sexually incompatible. I honestly don’t know how to even bring up this subject with him as I am fearful of damaging his ego. I have tried to prolong it by stopping or squeezing the head prior but it really doesn’t help at all. Our sex is literally over the minute he puts it in. In the beginning I just thought it was because he was nervous and we were new together but it has been over two years without improvement. I do not enjoy having sex with him because it is so awful. I know it sounds silly but I often cry because I am so unsatisfied. I guess I'm just looking for possible solutions. Am I going to have to just learn to live with this or can it be fixed? I honestly believe if this does not improve I will have to end everything because I fear if I stay I am going to cheat.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 4:08pm
Jen if he cums that quickly, then in the short run, you may need to get him off first, then while he is recovering from his refectory period, he can do foreplay on you...Then after a short period , he may be ready to penetrate you. The second time most guys will last a lot longer. does he cum with oral? with a handjob? ..you might do these first, and then foreplay, then penetration.....As he get older, he may improve.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2007
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 11:01pm
it is so not sily that you cry over not being satisfied!!
Stop worrying about his ego and hurting him hon, if he comes the minute he puts it in then he knows he isnt getting the job done. You must tell him and search for a solution or you must break off the engagement. Period. End of story. If you two are this sexually mismatched how can you possibly have any happiness in a long term relationship? Anyone who says sex doesnt matter in a loving relationship is lying...sex is a wonderful way to physicaly express your love and passion for someone.....sounds like you two may have a BIG problem. But if you love eachother enough you can fix it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2007
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 4:20pm

Bad communication skills often leads to bad sex. If you don't tell your partner what you want, or what the problem is, how can you expect him to know? chances are, he is thinking the same thing, but too embarrassed to say something to you.

Why not suggest seeing a sex therapist for the both of you, to learn more about your bodies and sexual desires? You don't have to mention the problem though it is a good idea. The problem isn't that big of a problem really, it can be sorted out. but not if you bury your head in the sand and pretend it isnt happening, when all the while, you are so frustrated you are crying, and eventually you'll get resentful towards him.

Often men come because they are excited too much so that can be something you can work on. Get him to train his mind and focus on lasting, chances are, he comes without even thinking. but if he actually thinks about lasting, he may actually last.

penisrings, which tighten around the base of the penis, are meant to be brilliant at controlling your mans pleasure. You can tighten it, loosen it or do whatever you want with it, which can aid him in lasting. www.annsummers.com has a selection of vibrating, non-vibrating penis rings. They also now sell blue pills, made to help your man last as well.

Good luck x

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2006
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 6:26pm
What foreplay do you use on him. He needs foreplay as much as you. Foreplay helps desensitises me. If I go straight to IC with no foreplay I have a hard time. On the other hand if she sucks on me or strokes me. Vigorous hard stroking works best as it is to rough to make me cum but desensitises me. Something else if he is having a problem then when he enters you let him get use to the feeling. If you dont produce enough natural lube may be try some lube. Also let him be in control in the beginning and don't do things to intensify the feeling till he is ready. If you can get him past the 1st few minutes them he will likely last for a long time though you may have to work up to it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2007
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 2:44pm
I just tried a c... ring last week and let me tell you, it works! My erection was larger and I couldn't cum unless I took it off! so get one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2006
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 3:32pm
Not sure anyone else has told you this but go to Sinclair Institute on Intamacy and they have loads of books, gels, rings and more on this exact subject, good luck!
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