Not feeling anything during sex
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Not feeling anything during sex
| Mon, 01-01-2007 - 10:33am |
So here it is: I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now, we started having oral and what not about 2 years ago. It feels absolutely amazing and I had orgasm the first time and frequently ever since. The problem is when we have sex I do not feel a thing, usually he's inside me and I don't even know it. He says the sex is amazing, but he has yet to come and I just lay there, no matter what we do I feel nothing. Its not that I'm not turned on because I am, he's very attractive and great at other things. Why am I not feeling like we're having sex and what can I do about it? Its starting to tear us apart.

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First of all, you're talking about intercourse, not "sex". Sex is everything from the first kiss to exhaustion!
You are like the majority (80+%) of women who don't have orgasms from intercourse alone. That's because there is little or no feeling inside the vagina, with the exception of the "g" spot. That's also because the vagina is not the female's main sexual organ. The clitoris is your real sexual organ, equivalent to the male penis. If you want to "feel" something during intercourse, you need clitoral stimulation at the same time. You can do it yourself, he can do it, or your position can do it. The best position for clitoral stimulation is Woman on Top, if you do it right.
Men love intercourse....and many of them mistakenly think that it's the be-all end-all for women, and for most of us, it's not. If this is starting to "tear you apart"....then both of you need to understand the female body, and what makes it work. If it's bothering YOU, then you need to learn about your own body, and how it works. If it's bothering him, he needs to learn the same thing.
Many women are perfectly happy and satisfied having their orgasms during foreplay, and before intercourse. If that's the case, then there shouldn't be a problem. If you want orgasms during intercourse, then you can have them by creating clitoral stimulation during intercourse.
For more information on female sexual response that both of you can read, check out www.the-clitoris.com
I agree with sakura. Intercourse is the best way for MEN to orgasm but typically, women need more stimulation than that.
Have you or he tried stimulating your clitoris during intercourse, either with a position that facilitates it or manually? Most women require direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm so why would intercourse be any different? Add manual stimulation and you'll probably begin to enjoy intercourse more.
Ask for what gives you pleasure and don't assume that because your response to intercourse is different from your BF's that something is wrong with YOU!
I have the same problem with not feeling anything during intercourse. And people have suggested clitoral stimulation but that does nothing for me. Rubbing on my clit during sex is just as boring as having a guy going inside and out while feeling no sensation at all.
Now, I have never ever heard of women feeling nothing during intercourse before in my life until I became sexual active and discovered this myself. But most women say that they do feel something during sex and it feels good but just don't climax or orgasm. if women aren't feeling anything than why are they having intercourse so much? what did they do back in the old days when there weren't any vibrators and other little sex toys??
that's why I don't do it that much because I don't get pleasure from it. every now and then i might want to see if just maybe this time will be different but no, its the same.
I don't think most women feel "nothing".....they just don't have orgasms from intercourse, because there are few or no nerve endings inside the vagina, with the exception of the "g" spot. What they feel is the "fullness"..and some "friction".
Why do women have intercourse? For several reasons. To share intimacy with the partner they care about! To give their partner pleasure! Even though women don't get a lot of "feeling", men love it, and just giving your partner pleasure should give YOU pleasure, too.
If you don't enjoy clitoral stimulation, then maybe your partner(s) aren't doing it right. It's supposed to be very gently, and of course oral is much more gentle than manual. Most women who have learned their own bodies will have orgasms before they ever get to intercourse, and that's enough to satisfy them.
Then there are women who just don't like sex in any way shape or form. It's too bad, because if they'd learn more about their bodies, they might enjoy it.
There have been vibrators for over 100 years, they just didn't advertise them for sexual purposes. And before that, women didn't understand that it was possible for them to enjoy sex.....in "victorian" times, it was strictly for a man's pleasure, and women were there to provide that pleasure. Most women never heard of orgasms until the 1970's...during the "sexual" revolution.
i enjoy clitoral stimulation during oral, but it just doesn't serve any purpose for me during sexual intercourse, not to mention it does not help with the discomfort that i get from regular sex at all.
i am pretty sure that when I was having intercourse my boyfriend he was getting a lot more out of it than i was. but it was just so boring to me and the discomfort was far too overwhelming for me to really enjoy it. and once he realized that I was not getting much out of it, he stopped wanted to have sex with me and we just did oral instead. but after so long, a guy is gonna want intercourse, and eventually he became bored with just doing that.
I don't know exactly what I am supposed to learn about my body to like regualar sex--most teenage girls know nothing about their bodies & are having much more fun doing it than I am. what am I supposed to explore? I don't know what I am doing wrong.
If you're feeling discomfort during intercourse, then that means you're not well lubricated....and that happens because there's not enough foreplay, or sometimes because some women just don't lubricate well. Get some sexual lubricant, and try that!
You're not enjoying it because you're not allowing yourself to enjoy it. If it's painful, of course you won't enjoy it, but you have to figure out WHY it's painful. Have you had a physical since you've been sexually active? You should have one annually but if you haven't had one, now's a good time to start.....to make sure there's nothing wrong with you. There are medical conditions that can cause painful sex.....like endometriosis.
Most women enjoy sex because they care about their partner, and they like giving pleasure as well as receiving it. Maybe your partner doesn't know what HE's doing!
Check out this web site...maybe something there will ring a bell for you: www.the-clitoris.com There's a lot of good information there, and if you don't know much about your body, this is a good place to start learning.
You obviously get pleasure from having your clitoris stimulated....at least orally. So, if he learned to touch you the right way, you might find it would enhance intercourse as well.
Could be that you just aren't being aroused so that your genitals never fully engorge enough to feel pleasure? It's a learning process because every woman is different.
BTW, there have ALWAYS been sex toys, from the beginning people have found ways to give themselves pleasure. No batteries, but sex toys for sure.
Have you tried bringing a vibrator to bed with you for clitoral stimulation during intercourse?
For women, the mind has to be engaged, or their bodies won't respond. Perhaps there is an emotional componet to your arousal issue? When there is pain though, there is a reason for the pain. Figure out what's causing it, correct it if possible and see if there is improvement.
Edited 1/5/2007 6:09 pm ET by katmandoo2001
You explore your own sensations, what works for you and what doesn't. It's trial and error.
But it SOUNDS as if you are turned off to intercourse because it's painful for you. No wonder. Figure out why it's painful and you may resolve your problem. IF it's a emotional thing, then deal with that.
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