Not feeling anything during sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2007
Not feeling anything during sex
18
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 10:33am
So here it is: I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now, we started having oral and what not about 2 years ago. It feels absolutely amazing and I had orgasm the first time and frequently ever since. The problem is when we have sex I do not feel a thing, usually he's inside me and I don't even know it. He says the sex is amazing, but he has yet to come and I just lay there, no matter what we do I feel nothing. Its not that I'm not turned on because I am, he's very attractive and great at other things. Why am I not feeling like we're having sex and what can I do about it? Its starting to tear us apart.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2005
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 5:29am
DW loves the Trojan Vibrating Ring on my penis during intercourse. She cums and cums.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 6:00pm
i don't think the vibrator is a bad thing, but you have to make sure your guy is ok with that. some guys feel swuirmy or weirded out by sex toys. some guys want to please their girl themselves, not with some sex toy. but if your guys is down with that, then by all means. another thing to think about is that do you wonder if you might get addicted and stuff to the vibrator? me personally wants my guy to be the one to pleasure me. I think if he had not pleasured me so far and i used a vibrator with him, he might have a harder time trying to please me if we ever tried to do it without the sex toy. i don't know if i am making any sense here. lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2006
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 4:59pm

well, this is very emotionally distressing for me. i never thought about getting a vibrator mainly because i still live with my parents and my mom occassionally goes through my room, and there is a great chance that she would find a vibrator.

i am also curious as to how exactly the vibrator is going to help me feel something when i am being penetrated. will it help me enjoy a man thrusting inside of me?

and it doesn't matter what position i am in, i still feel nothing at all. having an orgasm is out of my league right now because i haven't even learned the basics.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 6:08pm

My sense is that you believed what most girls do in the beginning...that intercourse will be the most pleasurable experience you'll ever know. Uh...no.

Learn to pleasure yourself with your own fingers first and then you'll be more likely to enjoy sex with a partner. Because, unless you know what you need to feel pleasure, you won't be able to ask for what you want from your partner.

And why can't your BF keep the vibrator? It doesn't have to a monstrosity either. There are very small discreet vibrators that can provide clitoral stimulation during intercourse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2006
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 6:23pm

yes, lol. that is what i often believed growing up, that eventually when i have sex it will be amazing. i didn't expect my first time to be fantastic, but i had expectations that it would defintely get better. i had no idea that sex would be this way, no one EVER talks about not feeling any pleasure during sexual intercourse. it's almost unheard of when i ask other girls about it. they DO feel something.

i don't like to be fingered either. i remember when my ex boyfriend was peforming oral sex on me, it felt amazing (as usual) and then suddenly i started to feel this discomfort that got worse and worse, then i realized he was fingering me...so being fingered is just not my thing. even when i masturbate i often stimulate my clitoris. i've been doing this since i was 6 or 7. this hasn't helped my sex life much though.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 6:28pm
Penetration has never been my greatest source of pleasure either. But have you tried stimulating yourself during intercourse?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2006
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 6:46pm
it doesn't seem to help at all for me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2007
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 3:47pm

Hey

Rule one: just because girls say they feel something during sexual intercourse, does not necessarily mean they do. Some girls won't admit to feeling nothing because they are afraid of being the only one, being weird or not doing something right.

Rule two: most women take longer to orgasm than men. So unless you have a man that can last for hours, then you probably may need to do it via foreplay, afterplay, manually. Although you do get the odd man that can last for hours, but rarely.

Rule three: before you think about having sex again, explore your body. I'm not just talking about your clitoris, g spot or anywhere down there. I'm talking about your nipples, him kissing the back of your neck, spine etc. There are nerve endings in these body parts that can make you gagging for sexual intercourse.Knowing your body, and what turns you on, is the key to unleashing orgasm otherwise you may as well not try to because you could be pushing all the wrong buttons.

Rule four: lower the expectations. If you don't push yourself to orgasm so much, you may relax and actually enjoy it. You may be experiencing pain because you are tense, or not lubricated enough.

rule five: change positions. Take control for a bit, then let him take control, when in the missionary position, place a cushion underneath your back/bum, so it raises your pelvic muscles, which increases clitoral stimulation. Try it somewhere else other than a bed, a shower perhaps, and while he enters you with your back facing him, use the showerhead to stimulate yourself.

I hope all of this helps, but remember relax and try to enjoy it.

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