NOT READY FOR SEX

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2005
NOT READY FOR SEX
6
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 5:17pm
hey ladies-
im not quite ready to have sex/bj/hj with my new guy. are there any clothes on ideas for us to get close? thanks so much
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: ren80
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 5:37pm
Intimacy and closeness does not have to involve sex at all.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
In reply to: ren80
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 7:47pm

One of the most sensual experiences in my life happened fully clothed and with no touching in the genital areas.


On one of our very early dates, dh and I sat and held each other close and he caressed, with a very light touch, every bit of bare skin. My face (my eyes, nose, cheekbones, lips, chin), my ears, my neck, my arms, my wrists, my ankles. He kissed only my lips and my wrists. This went on for about 30 minutes. By the time he left, I was a quivering mass of jello. I could barely walk him to the door to say good night.


It was completely, exquisitely sensual. Yet not sexual in the least.



Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: ren80
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 9:33pm

There are plenty of things that you can do, but inevitably they can lead to sexual contact. I think that the biggest problem that you will have is that your b/f may be expecting and anticipating it to go further. If he thinks that sexual contact will develop then he is likely to try to go further than non-sexual stuff. You'll need to clearly and calmly tell him at some stage that although you want to be close and intimate with him, you are not ready to go any further at this stage.

Once that is out of the way, there is plenty of kissing and cuddling to be done. Are you prepared to have "dry" sex? That's where you keep your clothes on but rub your genitals together, simulating sexual intercourse. Often the guy can orgasm from that. I just ask because that's something that you may not have thought about.

You may find that you have to take the lead if you DO want things to go further at a later date - for example, him fondling your breasts or you playing with his penis. After telling him that you don't want that sort of contact, he may be reluctant to go further without clear and specific directions from you.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ren80
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 2:30am

Hi Ren. BJ's and HJ's are sex, just like intercourse. Any activity that is meant to sexually arouse or that brings one or both partners to orgasm, is sex.

What happened to holding hands and kissing? What happened to sharing personal thoughts and getting to know someone emotionally before becoming physical? That's the time and means of deciding IF you want to be sexual with this person.




Edited 7/7/2005 11:41 am ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
In reply to: ren80
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 9:08am

"Clothes on" ideas? Yeah, keep them ON! You want to know how to get close to this guy....then forget about sex, and spend time getting to KNOW him, and letting him get to KNOW you. That's how you get close.....because you get to know everything about each other, and you LIKE what you know.

Sex has nothing to do with getting close emotionally, only physically. Young people today seem to think that if you don't have sex, it's not worth wasting your time. It works MUCH better if you develop a relationship, make sure of your feelings for each other, and THEN worry about sex. By the way, it's ALL sex. Manual, oral, intercourse, or anything else you can think of. It's all sex.

Believe it or not, some people don't get sexual until they get married! I'm not telling you to wait that long, but don't feel that you need to have sex to keep a boyfriend. If a guy insists on it, then he's not interested in being your b/f, he's just interested in getting some sex. If he gets it, that's no guarantee that he'll stick around. If a guy REALLY cares for you, he'll wait forever, if he has to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2002
In reply to: ren80
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 9:49am

I have to agree with GTB. Build the emotional aspect of your relationship before you start on the physical. I don't know about others, but to me sex always had a strong emotional connection. When I engaged in one-night-stands, I never felt that connection. I was in a FWB relationship for a while, it never felt right because I wasn't allowed to make that emotional connection. It was only when I was in a relationship with the emotional connection, that the sexual part of the relationship felt right.

I am a guy, and my wife and I have been married for almost 14 years. While we were engaged, we lived 700 miles apart. Needless to say, we didn't have much of a physical relationship before we married. What we did do was talk on the phone, alot. We talked 2-3 hours every night. We really got to know each other alot during that time. That is probably one reason we are still married after almost 14 years and 4 kids.

CH