Not Staying Erect and Coming Too Soon...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2004
Not Staying Erect and Coming Too Soon...
3
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 12:52pm

So this is like date 25 or something - spent plenty of time with each other, comfortable & pretty open about stuff... Finally, we get to the bedroom and I realize that he must have been nervous or had some emotional scars or something related to the topic, but he was not erect anymore... After some playing, we finally get into it... and it must have been a while because he wanted to stop after like 10 minutes and I figured we'd pick back up after more playing, but he couldn't get it back up again.

I've never been with a guy who had sexual discomfort as it related to staying erect and premature ejaculation, but I WANTED him to finish and take his time the 2nd time, on everything - foreplay, getting erect, getting in... So, we made out and went to sleep.

I just want to get everyone's opinion on how I should act. We both like each other a lot and I want to make him feel comfortable with talking about this and working on fixing it together. I already know that missionary is not the best position to be in to avoid it, so can anyone suggest any positions? Also, should I say anything to comfort him or wait for him to talk to me if the problem persists?

The day after the act, everything was like it never happened. I just feel a bit helpless and unsure as to what I can do to help the problem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 1:50pm

Welcome to the board daria_s.

There are several things that can cause ED. You didn't mention the age of your BF, which would be helpful.

Here's a thread on this board with a lot of information about ED:

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlletstalkab&msg=19896.1&ctx=4096

As far as your BF goes, if he is young, it's likely a psychological problem. Perhaps baggage from a past relationship or feeling uncomfortable. I don't think I would mention anything to him yet, and I would definitely try to be reassuring. If you are frustrated, try to stifle that so you won't put more pressure on him. Chances are, if it continues, he will bring it up in conversation.

If the problem persists, the two of you should have a conversation outside of the bedroom. Encourage him to see his doctor and have a physical to rule out medical complications. The doctor should also order a blood test to check his hormone levels.

When he changes positions, or activity, that is when he is most likely to loose his erection. Woman on Top is probably the best position to try. It will also help to keep him from having problems with premature ejaculation.

The two problems that he's having could be intertwined. Once one of them is addressed, chances are they will both improve.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 3:09pm

It could be date 25, or 100. You may be comfortable with each other, able to talk about anything..........BUT doing the deed is different than sitting in the living room talking!

The guy was nervous, plain and simple. It was the first time, he probably had "performance anxiety" which is sure to lead to problems. You worked at it then he wanted to stop after ten minutes. Did he finish, or just want to stop? If he finished after ten minutes that's sure not PE!

If he did finish, and you wanted more.....very few guys can start right up again. If you were left "hanging"......he could have taken care of you orally or manually! Maybe next time concentrate more on the foreplay so you "get yours" first, and then he can relax and enjoy himself, too.

Regardless, it was the first time, and very few "first times" are that great. It gets better every time, when you both can relax and enjoy instead of worrying about whether or not everything will go alright.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2004
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 3:19pm

No, he did not finish, although I would have preferred that he did. I do think a part of it was performance anxiety, too.

Thanks for the comments.