Not a virgin anymore but still hurts

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Not a virgin anymore but still hurts
2
Thu, 01-05-2006 - 4:56pm

I am 31 yrs old and I had sex for the first time mid november with my boyfriend. The first time it hurt and I felt pressure. It didn't last long at all. Since we have tried it 3 times and still no sucess. He can't get it in and loses his erection. It almost feels like I cant seem to relax. I need help this is putting a lot of stress on me. He is really nice about it but I know it most be frustrating to him as well.

What to do?
How long would it take until it feels good?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Thu, 01-05-2006 - 5:35pm

How much foreplay is he giving you? Women need LOTS of foreplay, especially inexperienced women. You need to be fully aroused and well lubricated. If you're not, it's going to hurt. And every time you try, you get more stressed out, and it will just get worse, not better.

For starters, make sure you get plenty of foreplay, and also buy and use some sexual lubricant. It's difficult if not impossible to lubricate naturally when you're nervous. Also, are you on any kind of birth control? It could be fear of pregnancy that makes you nervous, too.

How long will it take to feel good? Until you learn to relax, and go with the flow. It's different for everyone. In the meantime, until you can accomplish intercourse, there are plenty of ways you can make sure he's satisfied, and he can do the same for you. Intercourse is only one part of sexual activity, and for women, it's rarely the best part......because most women respond more to clitoral stimulation than to intercourse.

For more info, go to www.the-clitoris.com

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-05-2006 - 5:41pm

It sounds like you may be bearing down during penetration and not allowing him in. Shutting the "garden gates", so to speak. Maybe out of anticipation of more pain?

Are you and your partner spending plenty of time in foreplay? Did you use lubrication to help keep things slippery? Do you ever orgasm BEFORE attempting intercourse?

IF your answer is no to those questions, then there's the likely answer for your difficulty and discomfort. Women need to be aroused and ready before attempting intercourse or you will be too dry and sometimes, too tense. IF you can have one orgasm before intercourse, via manual or oral stimulation, then you should be more relaxed and lubricated...which will mean less pain and more pleasure upon penetration.

But most women get little pleasure from penetration alone anyway, the vagina has few nerve endings. 80% of us require direct clitoral stimulation before and during intercourse to orgasm. I would suggest visiting www.the-clitoris.com for more helpful suggestions and information. Good luck!