Number of Partners

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Number of Partners
40
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 6:27am
How many is too many partners in a lifetime for women? Are there stats on the average number of partners per women versus men? Do the experiences (long term relationships vs. one night stands) make a difference in someone's perspective?
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 2:18pm
I will be the first to admit there are people who handle being promiscous very well. In my humble opinion they are the exceptions. Too many times Ive know both men and women who came out of a bad break up and went wild. Why? because their esteem needed the boost. It wasnt the sex, and after things calmed down, they even admit it. I know people who, the first thing they do is hop into bed ,well before they really get to know the other person. The relationship starts out as sexual and rarely ever gets past it. (and these people are looking for relationships).One defination of crazy is to keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Many people who are looking for relationships are very promiscous, thinking that they will find the "one"with this method (I`ll admit is not immpossible). But they just keep coming up empty handed. Whatever happened to getting to know someone first before jumping into bed. So the sex may be good, but what about her political views, he religious views, her 8 other men who cheated on her? Yes some people will want to experiance sex with lots of others and may fare well from it, but the vast majority of promiscous dont...Go to your local "meat market" and observe, its sad really.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 2:48pm
Hump, although sex can skew a lot by having it too soon, does it really change "her political views, he religious views, her 8 other men who cheated on her?" Why can't you still find out all of that? Sex didn't make her something she's not.

"Yes some people will want to experiance sex with lots of others and may fare well from it, but the vast majority of promiscous dont."

Do you think that the amount of sex is the reason they don't? I don't. People who fail in relationships, fail because of who they are, not because of sex. If they were meant to be, they'd be together, sex or not.




Edited 10/1/2004 2:54 pm ET ET by life_is_but_a_dream

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 4:14pm

<<


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2003
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 9:25am
I know this was posted quite awhile ago but feel to add something. I am 33 my DH is 41, I've been married once before (we were together since I was 15) I have had a total of 4 sex partners (1, 1st hubby, 2 his best friend Hubby talked us into a 3 way, 3 a co worker I basically had an affair after I told my ex I wanted a divorce, 4 my DH now). My DH on the other hand has been married twice before me, lived with at least 4-5 other women and has had NUMEROUS one night or short term relationships. He also cheated on both his ex wives (they also were guilty of that). I can tell you this KILLS me, its just disgusting and I have such a hard time dealing with it. BUT, my husband and I also have brought God into our lives which has TOTALLY changed him. I know I'm the last women he's ever going to be with, once he found out what it was like being cheated on by someone he really loved it hit home. I also have a hard time dealing with the fact there has been numerous women he's LOVED. I will say my DH couldn't live without alcohol, smoking and drugs until a few months before we met, I am sure the alcohol and bar hopping had a huge impact (he was also sexually molested as a young boy). I just wanted to add my story cause it really hurts knowing how my DH USED to be and I wish I didn't know as much as I do cause I can't get it out of my mind. We have an AWESOME relationship and I know deep down that I am the only women in his life that has known him as a christian man and dedicated to God, me, his son, my girls and his anger is 95% better than it was even a year ago.
Thanks for listening.
Jennifer

Jennifer F.

Love The One Your With!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 11:12am
Jennifer I just wanted to let you know that I think like you do and would feel the same way. If you love a person and feel that they have changed and can be true to you then you have to make peace with their past but in no way does that mean that it doesn't make a difference. Knowing God makes a difference and the best way to deal with the issue is to pray to God to take that fealing away that bothers you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 11:43am

When is the right time to find out about someone's past?


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 12:07pm

Tish, did you read the link I posted? I'm going to state some things from memory, so they may be incorrect, but it seems as though mostly men cheat 21% as opposed to 11% female. More men have sex on a first date 42% as opposed to female 17% and men have more partners on average 20 as opposed to women 6. It would seem apparent that with those stats, that men are more promiscuous, and it therefore would probably be more risky for women to date men without knowing their histories and/or judging them on it. It is more likely that a man would have higher numbers, cheat and have sex on a first date.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 3:06pm
Hi ROAE, I am going to sneak in and post to Tish and you, just my opinion but after all isn't that what boards are. One I don't believe in double standards for men and women, and that is reflected in my post to eightball. Second I think numbers in sexual surveys are suspect, based on how the group is gathered, and how the questions are ask, and how anonymous the responses are. I try to apply some logic to the results (basic fact is that in man/woman sex it takes one of each). I therefore think that the sex on the first date numbers have to be about the same. The cheating numbers can only vary by the amount of uncommitted singles involved in the relationship and I think with more women in the workforce that difference is becoming small. Most estimates indicate that between 50 to 55 percent of both sexes cheat at sometime. As far as Tish's question on how many is too many, I think it depends on the people involved and what they think. I certainly believe you need to feel at peace with your potential partners past before you start making lifetime plans. There is a reason or reasons people do what they do and what they think and those thoughts are really what that other person is. When you find the real person behind the smile it may be one you don't want to committ your life to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 3:21pm

I can't tell you how to think txguy. That's your perogative. I can only tell you from my POV how it is.

Diane Sawyer did go over in the beginning of the show how they gathered the info(because they knew there'd be skeptics), to try and prove accuracy.

The real person behind the smile will be the same person regardless of her past...as we all are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 4:09pm

<>>


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd