Is the "number" really important?
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| Fri, 08-10-2007 - 10:41am |
Should you ever tell someone your “number”…as in how many people you’ve been with sexually?
I had a guy ask me that recently. I wasn’t too keen on telling him, especially since I’ve only known him for a week and he and I aren’t having sex (we’re not even close to it). Why would he even ask? Why do people want to know that? I’ve never wanted to know that. I know that everyone’s not like me. I know that people are concerned about STD’s and such. What other reasons would someone want to know? I’m 28, and my ‘number’ is very low (only 5 people). I’m very inexperienced, to say the least. And, it’s been two years since I’ve had sex, as I’ve chosen to remain celebate until my next relationship. It's a bit anxiety provoking for me because it has been so long...I don't even remember what to do! LOL!
What do y’all think?

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Welcome to the board mali2579.
You're right each person is different, and might have their own reasons for asking such a question. Could be that he has been with many (or few) and wants to feel you out before he reveals his "number". Or it could be that he is worried about STDs, maybe he thinks you are waiting too long, or a host of other thoughts. The best way to find out why he wants to know is to ask him. Ask him why he is curious.
Often times, if you won't answer that question for a potential mate, it will make them a bit cautious. It depends on their motivation for wanting to know in the first place, so that's why it is important to know why they care.
Incidentally, experience doesn't have much to do with how many partners you have had. I'm not sure about your relationship status with your 5 lovers, but for many, one lifetime lover can give them all the experience anyone would ever desire. For others, 5 one night stands may leave them feeling like they don't understand what all the hoop-lah is about. It's much more important to be ready for the sexual experience and to be with the right partner than it is to worry about who is more experienced. Choosing the right partner depends on what you're looking for as well. Some people are only interested in casual relationships while others want a full commitment.
As for the anxiety, when you are with the right person, for the right reason -- whatever YOUR reason is, that will all fall by the wayside. Your body will guide you through the rest.
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As far as I'm concerned, the only people who would ask that are insecure people. They NEED to know if you're more experienced than they are, or if it's a guy, if someone was "bigger" or "better". Numbers mean nothing. You could have been wild in your teens and had sex with the whole football team. So what? When you grew up a little, you changed your ways. Whatever you did in your past makes you what you are today......and it should be kept in the past. The only thing a guy needs to know is if you're still a virgin, and if you're not, if you've been tested for STD's.
As for experience, that doesn't equate "knowledge"! A guy can have a high number, and not have a clue about a woman or her body, or how to give her pleasure.
It's a rude and unnecessary question, and should be answered with another question...."why do you want to know? Are you keeping score?"
A guy that's "secure" in himself knows you've been with other guys if you're not a virgin. He doesn't have to ask, and knows that it doesn't matter. All that matters is that you're with him now.
A person who asks that question may just be nosey, may be insecure, or may not want to deal with the many issues that many people with high numbers carry.
Think of the people you suspect have high numbers.. Are they your type when it comes to what one looks for in a relationship?
It also is one way of a person checking out what ones thoughts are concerning sex and it`s value...For some people sex means nothing. To them it is "just sex" Sex is nothing more than a hand shake with an orgasm.
Edited 8/22/2007 2:12 am ET by capegirardeau
Welcome to the board capegirardeau.
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