numerous partners

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
numerous partners
15
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 12:12pm
Ladies or Gentlemen, would it , or does it bother you if your mate confessed to you they had been with ,say 15 others before you? Does it bother you to know that that many people have enjoyed what you now consider sacred? Is it a positive or a negative effect on a relationship? Or should it /does it even matter? Pleases dont turn this into "they should have kept it a secret or lied about it" issue. Assume you were friends before lovers, and you were told in confidence as a friend.

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Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to:
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 12:33pm
Would it bother me? I don't know since my DH was a technical virgin when we met. But it bothered HIM that I had been intimate with my former fiance'. It might bother me, at first, but sex is just sex. It's the emotional bond that makes it different for us.
Avatar for luvmylittleones
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to:
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 12:39pm
It does not matter to me in the slightest and come to think of it neither dh or myself have asked for a number from each other.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
In reply to:
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 12:39pm
Once upon a time it would have, but I came to realize that:

a:) I'm no virgin myself & if I've been around I cant expect any different from my partner

b:) The past is the past, unless disease is involved

c:) unless shared & understood I could comment, the persons history is their business, if they share that part of their life with you, that's a very sacred trust

d:) Finally, they are with you now, so does anything else matter?

IMHO

Stephen

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
In reply to:
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 12:50pm
As long as she's healthy, happy, and mine, I wouldn't care if she slept with the entire fifth fleet before we met. I didn't exactly live in a monastery before we met, and I'm interested in who/what she is now, not who/what she used to be.

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martinisnsushi - living the good life since 1963


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martinisnsushi - the two most important food groups!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
In reply to:
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 1:20pm
I grew up believing that most guys were promiscuous. So I was conditioned to accept it as was our society. So it never bothered me, because I really didn't have any other choice. Most guys validated that belief too, even though some of them were probably liars. ;-)

Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to:
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 1:46pm
It wouldn't bother me. Most of the men I date are in their 30s and never married. I would think it odd if it was much lower than that. I want my partner to have a variety of experience, as I have. I guess I want him to understand the "it's just sex" mentality and not take sex too seriously, but i also want him to know that it can be the most intimate and spiritual experience too. I do have a "too high" number in mind which is around 40 partners.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
In reply to:
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 2:08pm
No, it doesn't bother me. All of that happened before we met, so it had/has nothing to do with me. I don't think it has a positive or negative effect, just neutral. We don't talk about how many we've been with before or any of that. Maybe an occasional name, but no - it doesn't bother me at all.

To us, the important thing is that we are together. We both have told one another that we are the best match either of us has had.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
In reply to:
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 2:14pm
Whatever a person did in their past is done....it' can't be changed or undone....so why would anyone worry about it? Also, whatever you did in your past makes you what you are today.....it's a part of your history.

Only a very insecure person would worry about it. Wondering if someone else was better than them.....did they have better bodies, etc. That's a complete waste of time, because maybe someone WAS better, I can learn. Maybe someone DID have a better body. Who cares? He's with me now, and if the ones in the past were that great, he'd still be with THEM!

A secure person wouldn't even ask in the first place. In the situation that you describe, it was told to a friend, not a partner...and you can't undo THAT either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
In reply to:
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 2:15pm
By the way, humpdaddy - I love your handle!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
In reply to:
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 3:27pm
It seems most people here are on the same page! So this may seem redundent...but my feelings are that knowing eachothers 'number' is entirely irrelevent (unless perhaps someone is a virgin).

I make it a policy not to ask, nor will I tell- it has nothing to do with the current situation!

what DOES matter is sexual health. my current SO and I simply had the 'how safe have your sexual experiences been' convo. we asked what we'd been tested for, and how we wanted to prevent pregnancy etc etc...but how many women he'd been with? i don't care! how many men i'd been with? he doesn't at all care!

i think so long as you know you're safe, you're fine!

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