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| Sun, 06-22-2008 - 5:21pm |
I still can not believe I am even willing to post this but I do need some help! I am dating right now...no one special but soon the time will come when the dating part gets to sex. Here is my problem. I have a TERRIBLE time telling a man what I want and what I need to orgasm. I have had several relationships that were good all except the sex part. I LOVE sex. But I do not seem to have the BIG O unless the guy is rubbing me or giving me oral. And sometimes they rub it all crazy and what not so I end up giving up and just having sex. I just would like to grow a spine...and be able to say...hey here is what I need. And get that. HOw do you broach the subject with out it seeming like you are too pushy or bossy? How do you get your needs met? Any advice would be helpful!

Best of luck but if you want it tell us! We aim to please.
-Gerry-
-Gerry-
Hi Cutefont!
You have taken a big first step by telling us all what it is you would like to achieve orgasm. You just need to take one tiny step further and tell your partner.
It is sometimes difficult to ask for
Mrs P
If and when you think things are heading that way......you need to have that discussion BEFORE you get to the bedroom!
Hi!
Hi Cutefont,
As a male I can ensure you that it a great turn on for your partner to tall him what she wants, and vice versa!!
What could be better than having her say 'go down' or 'suck my tits'etc. Just tell him what you want, don't be shy!!
Best of luck, Gordon
Welcome to the board, cutefont.
Since this isn't an established sexual relationship, I don't think it would work to just lay the law out beforehand. There has to be a sort of chemistry, and it seems that telling him what you want beforehand would put pressure on him. If you want him to know what works for you prior to actually having sex with him, I think talking to him in the form of questions is a great idea. It opens a dialog that doesn't put pressure on either of you, and will give each of you something to look forward to when you do take that step.
The other thing that I tend to do is talk about things that felt great after the fact. Sometimes when we're laying there in the afterglow, I'll mention how this one thing he did really set me off, or tell him that I just love it when he "blanks", or how wonderful it was having him do "x" which led up to "y". It's like using positive reinforcement, doesn't put any pressure or guilt on him. He feels great about being a good lover, and he tends to repeat the performances.
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You have received a lot of great in out already so it is my turn to add a thought. Don't be afraid to SHOW him what you like if words escape you. I know I had difficulty with this for a bit with my dh. He just wasn;t getting me where i needed to go and I realized that was my issue I had to solve. We decided to show each other how we made ourselves feel good (some call that mutual masterbation) but we learned a lot from each other and still do after 25 years of marriage.
If you are shy with the words, try action and good luck!