Oh Advice! Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2008
Oh Advice! Help!
8
Sun, 06-22-2008 - 5:21pm

I still can not believe I am even willing to post this but I do need some help! I am dating right now...no one special but soon the time will come when the dating part gets to sex. Here is my problem. I have a TERRIBLE time telling a man what I want and what I need to orgasm. I have had several relationships that were good all except the sex part. I LOVE sex. But I do not seem to have the BIG O unless the guy is rubbing me or giving me oral. And sometimes they rub it all crazy and what not so I end up giving up and just having sex. I just would like to grow a spine...and be able to say...hey here is what I need. And get that. HOw do you broach the subject with out it seeming like you are too pushy or bossy? How do you get your needs met? Any advice would be helpful!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sun, 06-22-2008 - 5:36pm
How about just being Up Front with it like you were in your post. The other thing is be a little coy and when it get hot and heavy kinda hold him close and with your mouth close to his ear tell him the story. You know I would really like you to give me a "O". To help you on this journey her is how you can get me there.... and tell the story of the begining, the build up, and the "O". I can tell you that in my case if my DW told me the story and is spinning the tale that it gets very wild. It spurs me on to a greater zeal to make it happen.
Best of luck but if you want it tell us! We aim to please.
-Gerry-



-Gerry-






iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2006
Sun, 06-22-2008 - 6:31pm

Hi Cutefont!


You have taken a big first step by telling us all what it is you would like to achieve orgasm. You just need to take one tiny step further and tell your partner.


It is sometimes difficult to ask for

Mrs P

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Mon, 06-23-2008 - 1:08am

If and when you think things are heading that way......you need to have that discussion BEFORE you get to the bedroom!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2006
Mon, 06-23-2008 - 8:59am

Hi!


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2008
Mon, 06-23-2008 - 9:09am

Hi Cutefont,


As a male I can ensure you that it a great turn on for your partner to tall him what she wants, and vice versa!!


What could be better than having her say 'go down' or 'suck my tits'etc. Just tell him what you want, don't be shy!!


Best of luck, Gordon

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 06-23-2008 - 9:20am

Welcome to the board, cutefont.

Since this isn't an established sexual relationship, I don't think it would work to just lay the law out beforehand. There has to be a sort of chemistry, and it seems that telling him what you want beforehand would put pressure on him. If you want him to know what works for you prior to actually having sex with him, I think talking to him in the form of questions is a great idea. It opens a dialog that doesn't put pressure on either of you, and will give each of you something to look forward to when you do take that step.

The other thing that I tend to do is talk about things that felt great after the fact. Sometimes when we're laying there in the afterglow, I'll mention how this one thing he did really set me off, or tell him that I just love it when he "blanks", or how wonderful it was having him do "x" which led up to "y". It's like using positive reinforcement, doesn't put any pressure or guilt on him. He feels great about being a good lover, and he tends to repeat the performances.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Mon, 06-23-2008 - 3:50pm
There's lots of ways to approach the topic.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Mon, 06-23-2008 - 8:44pm

You have received a lot of great in out already so it is my turn to add a thought. Don't be afraid to SHOW him what you like if words escape you. I know I had difficulty with this for a bit with my dh. He just wasn;t getting me where i needed to go and I realized that was my issue I had to solve. We decided to show each other how we made ourselves feel good (some call that mutual masterbation) but we learned a lot from each other and still do after 25 years of marriage.


If you are shy with the words, try action and good luck!