Is this ok?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2004
Is this ok?
5
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 12:07pm
The guy I am dating came over drunk last night and was all over me and wanted to have sex so I figured I would just do it. The problem is he was really rough and wouldn`t wear a condom and now this morning I feel awful mentally about it. I don`t now what to do. Any advice?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2005
In reply to: shoppergrl4
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 12:27pm

1. Let him know how you feel about what happened--not in an accusing way, as he'll only offer "if you didn't want to, you didn't have to," if he even remembers what happened--but just how it left you feeling.

2. Don't let it happen again, and let him know in no uncertain terms that it will not, and that if he ever comes over again in a state of drunkenness, he might as well turn around since you won't let him in your home.

3. Try to figure out why you let something like this happen to you in the first place, and what your needs are in a relationship.

4. If you miss your period next month, get a pregnancy test.

Once you do these things, you'll be taking control of your life, you won't get into such situations again, and most of all, you'll feel a lot better about yourself.




Edited 8/7/2006 12:32 pm ET by mr_e_steubing
Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: shoppergrl4
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 12:36pm
Great response. Instead of just feeling bad about what happened this post gives you the tools to deal with it. If you do these things you empower yourself not just let yourself be a victim.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: shoppergrl4
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:04pm

No, it's not okay.

Please don't think that you MUST have sex with him whenever he wants to. Particularly, in those type of situations where he's drunk, etc. Remember, sex is a mutual act, not just what you provide for him.

Obviously, you didn't feel good about the situation from the start and that's when you should always follow your first inclination. The fact that he was not loving or gentle and only thinking about himself, only made things worse.

TALK about it and be honest about your feelings. And don't sugarcoat what happened to preserve his feelings. He's a big boy and needs to take responsibility for his actions. He needs to know that what happened wasn't okay with you. If he feels guilty, then it's because he should feel guilty!

He needs to realize the consequences of his actions and be given the opportunity to apologize and make amends. But allowing bad behavior to continue unacknowledged & unpunished isn't the answer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
In reply to: shoppergrl4
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:13pm

No, it is NOT okay in any way, shape or form! First of all you said the "guy you are dating".....so he's NOT your boyfriend! Secondly, he's got a drinking problem, and what he did was the same as RAPE! Just because you didn't fight him doesn't mean you were a willing participant.

Now you have to worry about being pregnant, and about whether or not he has any diseases. If it hasn't been 72 hours, then you should call your doctor about the emergency pills......if it has been more than that....then you have to wait until you can take a test.

I think this is a guy you shouldn't date anymore! He's bad news!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
In reply to: shoppergrl4
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 5:45pm

Definitely not Ok. Get tested, get the emergency contraceptive (I think you have up to 72 hours afterwards).

Personally, I would dump the creep. By ignoring your request and putting your health in jeopardy the way he did, he is essentially saying "I only care about my desires. Your needs mean nothing to me." Drunk or not, that is selfish and irresponsible. I would run to the gyn's office for STD testing because a person like that has probably been careless about sex in the past.