OK, This is Just for Fun :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2004
OK, This is Just for Fun :)
6
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 9:22am
I know some of you ladies won't be comfortable with this because it may force you to think about or consider something that you currently ignore out of necessity so don't answer if you don't want to. But I've noticed how open and honest these boards are, and this is a question I've often wondered because men make the mistake of thinking that they have a woman "wrapped" and that they're just sitting back waiting on his every move. Yeah, right.

Of course, anybody with even minimal intelligence knows that's idiotic and sexist, and that women are not "conquerable".

The question is five-fold:

1) If you are not married and are dating, at which point do you make up that beautifully complicated mind of yours that you will or will not have sex with your date. Personally, I don't believe in the "whore" or "slut" label so this is something I've always wondered, and assumed this was determined fairly early in the encounter.

2) If you are married or in a serious relationship, are there times when you meet a man and say to yourself, "I want him" and would actually act on it, not just fantasize about it? Are there times when you decide you would have sex with a man if you both could get away with it and there would be NO fallout or consequences. If so, how often does this state-of-mind occur? Where do you see/meet these men and how old are they? (ie, your age, older, younger.)

3) Do you experience guilt because of these feelings? How do you deal with them? (ie, chocolate, sex with your man, tell somebody, etc.)

4) If you have acted on number 2, please share the circumstances with the rest of the class. Everybody leaves the reservtion for unique reasons and none of them are "wrong," as far as I'm concerned.

5) What is your relationship status and age range?



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 9:46am

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 12:40pm
1) I'm not single and therefore not dating anyone so can't really answer.

2) There have been and always will be men I find attractive for various reasons but I never have and never will act upon it. Usually men in their 40s and 50s that I think are attractive - good sense of humor, character filled face, eyes that smile when the mouth does - all things I like in someone but there is nothing that would ever make me cheat. Not even if there were no consequences. It's my code of honor that keeps me faithful, nothing else.

3) I don't experience guilt when I find someone attractive. It's going to happen, I'm sure DH has met many women over the years whom he was attracted to. We're married but neither one of us is blind. Since I don't act upon anything but am just admiring an attractive man, I see no reason to feel guilty.

4) N/A

5) 38, married 19 1/2 years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 2:18pm
1) If you are not married and are dating, at which point do you make up that beautifully complicated mind of yours that you will or will not have sex with your date. Personally, I don't believe in the "whore" or "slut" label so this is something I've always wondered, and assumed this was determined fairly early in the encounter.

I am married but, when I was single there were two others who I decided to have sex with.

For me, I was able to make that decision because I felt they respected and cared for me, I enjoyed being with them and because I felt safe with them. The other men I dated during college etc. never had a chance. Some I dated once and knew immediately they were not for me. Usually it was not sexual diferences (rarely got that far) but differences in values, interests ect.

2) If you are married or in a serious relationship, are there times when you meet a man and say to yourself, "I want him" and would actually act on it, not just fantasize about it? Are there times when you decide you would have sex with a man if you both could get away with it and there would be NO fallout or consequences. If so, how often does this state-of-mind occur? Where do you see/meet these men and how old are they? (ie, your age, older, younger.)

I dont think I have ever met another man and said to myself "I want him". Sure, I see guys who I think are hot! (saw a few today) but, just because they are attractive does not make me "want him". I guess I am just very happy to be monogomous.

3) Do you experience guilt because of these feelings? How do you deal with them? (ie, chocolate, sex with your man, tell somebody, etc.)

No. I never feel guilty for looking. Like the old saying goes: "It dosen't matter where you get your appetite, so long as you eat at home".



As a matter of fact If I see a guy I think is hot I'll actually point him out to dh, I do the same if I see a woman that's hot. He'll do the same.



For example, this morning while at a motorcycle gathering, I saw a woman go by who was very pretty, I pointed her out to him. I said something like "hey, check her out" he agreed she was beautiful, commented that she had great thighs but he did not care too much for her bumm, and on we went. Anyway, neither of us is jealous when the other looks at someone else. If he's not jealous, there is no reason to feel guilty. Jealousy takes too much energy and so does guilt.

4) If you have acted on number 2, please share the circumstances with the rest of the class. Everybody leaves the reservtion for unique reasons and none of them are "wrong," as far as I'm concerned.

N/A

5) What is your relationship status and age range?

I'm married 17years and I'm 41


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 8:30pm
1) If you are not married and are dating, at which point do you make up that beautifully complicated mind of yours that you will or will not have sex with your date. Personally, I don't believe in the "whore" or "slut" label so this is something I've always wondered, and assumed this was determined fairly early in the encounter.

*i think you just know, and it depends on the time in your life, the connection w/ ure partner, etc. i was in a relationship for 5 years, and never had sex w/ him. it never was right. i was really young, scared, and although we loved each other something was holding me back. then i met someone else, and fell in love, and after 4months decided he would be my first. i was hesitant only because i felt i was some kind of "slut" in the sense i waited ONLY 4 months (in comparison to 5 years), but it felt right. my prereqs were, i needed to be old and mature enough, be in love, and trust the guy.



2) If you are married or in a serious relationship, are there times when you meet a man and say to yourself, "I want him" and would actually act on it, not just fantasize about it? Are there times when you decide you would have sex with a man if you both could get away with it and there would be NO fallout or consequences. If so, how often does this state-of-mind occur? Where do you see/meet these men and how old are they? (ie, your age, older, younger.)

*no i've seen attractive men and been like 'oh id mayb go out w/ him if i wasnt attached' it's never serious consideration though. and i'm never the type to act on a one night stand, and honestly i'm never sexually attracted to some random guy, and would never cheat. i've been cheated on, i know how it feels, and i honestly don't even understand the mind when it decides to do something like that

3) Do you experience guilt because of these feelings? How do you deal with them? (ie, chocolate, sex with your man, tell somebody, etc.)

*no not at all. we're always going to find other people attractive, but that means nothing in comparison to what we both have together. u just don't replace a "connection" w/ someone that easily..


4) If you have acted on number 2, please share the circumstances with the rest of the class. Everybody leaves the reservtion for unique reasons and none of them are "wrong," as far as I'm concerned.

*cant help ya there


5) What is your relationship status and age range?

i'm 21yrs old, been in this relationship for almost a year



Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 4:18pm
1.)That answer would differ from man to man. I don't become aroused from raw chemistry or looks. I need to KNOW a man better than that and know he's relationship-worthy before I consider sex. (Thanks Dad.)

2.)No, I would never compromise my marriage for a single act of sex with an attractive stranger. I AM, of course, attracted to other men but I would never allow myself to "go there." I love and respect my DH too much to dishonor my marriage so it's not a possibility.

3.)I do not experience guilt because of attraction only but I definitely would if I acted on it and cheated. Even if my DH never found out, that deception would always be in my mind and that would change me.

4.)Does not apply.

5.)40's, married

Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 5:04pm
1) Depends on the man and depends on my needs at the time. If I am serious about a relationship I will usually wait longer.

2) If I'm in a serious relationship I'm pretty wrapped up with my partner. I only think of cheating when there is something major missing and I can't get it from the relationship even though I've made some effort. Potential cheating partners would come from my daily environment (work, classes).

3) I may feel a little guilt, but not much. It usually just alerts me that I am not very invested in my relationship or don't think there is a future there. I feel I cannot force feelings if they are not there. If I feel major guilt at the idea of doing something (especially regarding hurting my partner's feelings), I usually won't do it.

4) The only time I remember is when I was in the 3rd year of a 5 year relationship. I had decided to attend law school and my bf at the time hated the idea of me doing that. He was extremely unsupportive and hostile to my pursuit. I met a guy at a law seminar who was pursuing the same goal as me. He understood what I was going through since he was going through the same thing himself. We messed around, but I wouldn't have sex with him. It ended when my bf heard an answering machine message he had left for me.

5) Single, never married, 31