One minute man

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2005
One minute man
7
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 12:06pm
Ok, among other things on my plate in the particular situation (being involved with two guys), the most recent guy just isn't all that I thought he would be.
I made a huge step by going the distance with this new guy since I was already dating someone else who isn't exactly cool with me seeing other people, but is AMAZING in bed.
The attraction is huge though with this newer guy!
I guess it really falls back on me though which is why I am here. I initiated the whole thing because I knew he was a little more "shy" than most guys I have talked to/dated. I thought he was cute, mysterious, etc. and wanted to flirt. So I should mention we work together which is another wall I find myself crashing straight into.
It took about a month before we actually hung out, and it wasn't even like it was really "hanging out". I was working late one night when he asked what I was doing after work. Needless to say I ended up at his apartment and we had a very bad, drunken sack session. I chalked it up to being drunk, but I was still sort of disappointed because I HAVE had amazing sessions when I was drunk.
Round two a few nights later- same shyte (Minus the being drunk), it lasted all of 2-3 minutes. I wasn't sure if he got off, but I KNOW I didn't.
Round three, last night. Seems like the pattern continues.
I decided to take the step and ask what the deal was. Honestly, at this point I was wondering if he had even got off any of the times we were together. The first couple of times it WAS awkward and given the circumstances, I wasn't sure how touchy the subject would be. But last night I was at my wits end and just needed to know why we could basically not keep our hands off eachother because of some sort of attraction, but we couldn't make it work in bed. He told me he comes fast.
OK, *whew*, at least SOMEONE is getting off. (I was beginning to think it was me). On top of the fact that I haven't had such a short sack session in a long time, he makes NO NOISES what-so-ever. So I have no idea what is going through his head!!
I told him it kind of freaks me out that he doesn't make any noise and it makes me wonder if what I am doing feels good/bad/indifferent?!?!
So what it all boils down to, after talking for a little while about it is, he is a one minute man. I didn't want to ask, but I assume he hasn't had sex in a quite some time so that attributes to one of the major problems...the other....he doesn't seem so experienced. I mean, I have gotten guys off in minutes from just being so wound up myself that I talk and go crazy, but it was obvious from their style they knew what they were doing.
His "pumping" is more like an untrained puppy and his moves are very very rusty. This is where I feel bad. I inititated it so I would feel bad just stopping everything becuase I am not pleased in this aspect, but really, I'm not in the mood to train someone, which is ultimately what he said he wants me to do.
Any suggestions? Help? Comments?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
In reply to: bep630
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 3:29pm

How a man behaves in bed is how he behaves. I have news for you. You DON'T "get men off", they do it all by themselves. What you do or how you do it has nothing to do with how fast or how slow they are, it's all up to them. There is such a thing as a guy being nervous, or having performance anxiety.....and it sounds like that's his problem.

Since it seems like you're looking for a good sex partner, you'd better stick with #1 if he's so amazingly good.

This guy may be "experienced", but experience is not the same thing as "knowledge" and if he doesn't know what you want or need, and you don't feel like teaching him.....then what's the point?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: bep630
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 3:35pm

What you're doing is comparing him to other guys.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: bep630
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 3:43pm

Well, don't we have to "train" every new partner to meet our needs and visa versa though? At least, to some degree?

However, I don't really see what your other options are since he can't read your mind.

Yes, you can choose to finish what you started with this guy or you can leave him high and dry. Most guys are minute men, in the beginning anyway.

In any case, no one really has good sex by instinct. It nearly always takes some time to communicate and discover what the new partner needs since every person is different. Sure hormones can make up for a lack of experience at first but great lover's aren't born, they're made.

I must say that sneaking around isn't a great start to any new relationship though.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2005
In reply to: bep630
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 10:11pm
I appreciate all of the feedback.
I realize from reading everything you said that maybe I wasn't thinking about things in the right light. I WAS comparing him to other guys. More or less the other I am hooking up with. Unlike what was said by some of you, I didn't have to do anything for the sex to be good with the first guy. It just WAS. We had great sex from day 1...and ok, it did get better after we realized what we liked/didn't (but still...).
I guess thinking that would happen with the guy, was jumping the gun. However, I don't ever think of sex as being bad...you know, when I think about it, the things that pop into my head aren't my bad experiences first and foremost- just how much I like and want it.
Honestly over the past two-three years ALL of the men I have been with, I had been with for a long period of time so I guess I lost sight of the "newness jitters". I just haven't had them myself in a long time, but I do understand because I have been through it.
I guess my next move is to sort through this situation I have created and not look at it as bad sex, but sex that I could either potentially assist in making better, or just drop. I do have another person to consider...and "sneaking around"........where do I begin with that ? You are really preaching to the choir on that one and I know it is a sticky situation with a lot of people, so I don't feel like it is necessary to get into a debate about it here. I am a grown woman who understands and realizes what she has done. I know the pros (although not many at all) and cons of the situation I have created. The situation spreads out more than I explained so maybe you think I am cheating, but there is more to the story than you may think...
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: bep630
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 9:54am

I'm sure there IS "more to the story" than you explained in your initial post but I can only respond to the information you chose to provide.

You seem to insinuate that you've been cheated on before. I would hope that experience(s) would make you more sensitive and compassionate, not determined to spread the misery.

But "realizing what you've done" isn't enough, IMO, not unless a resolution or change comes from it. I'm just thinking of the other person involved who gets no choice in the matter and who will be hurt by what you're doing. Maybe it's time to put yourself in both their shoes instead of being concerned about what you're getting out of each relationship.

I really wasn't trying to "preach" though, just giving an honest opinion of your situation.




Edited 2/3/2006 10:16 am ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
In reply to: bep630
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 4:29pm
A mind is a terrible thing to waste..lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2006
In reply to: bep630
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 8:16pm

bep650

Let me start off by asking you, other than your male friend being quoted as a "One Minute Man" do you enjoy being with him, do you get along well together and does he treat you as you deserve to be treated. That is the question.

Men have difficulties as do women, many women don't reach Orgasm, and some fake it, there are also women that have difficulties becoming lubricated and rely on KY, is this a major concern to the male NO as long as the relationship is strong between the couple you should be able to work things out But dont base your relationship on a person that does everything for you but cant avoid early ejeculation.

Go search the web and find out what premature ejaulation is and what causes it, so you can better understand.
I suffer from the same thing, not 1 minute, but I do suffer from this. Premature ejeculation is sometimes caused from anticipation of having sex some men control this better than other, yes we all want to "get off".
Work with him if you enjoy him and he treats you right and if not well then you choose to move on but remember it is something that you and him can work together on.