only one of us is finishing it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2007
only one of us is finishing it!
4
Tue, 07-10-2007 - 12:14am

I'm so confused!
I'm having fantastic sex... but the BF doesn't actually climax! I don't understand at all - I've never encountered this problem before (in fact my problem is usually the exact opposite). I've tried every move I know and every "dirty" trick I can think of to no avail. About six weeks ago I asked him to masturbate for me (really hot, by the way) and he did hit the finish line that way on our second attempt, but when I try to do it for him (even with instructions) it just doesn't happen. He seems to be fine with it (how can anyone be fine with it??). He says it's happened before, that he's so turned on pleasing me, that this way he can ensure I have multiple orgasm in multiple sessions every time we're together (which I do - it's unbelievable)... but I'm starting to take it personally! What can I do to help him? How come I almost have to be peeled off the ceiling but he doesn't? At first I thought maybe he was nervous or self-conscious or just not quite relaxed enough, but it hasn't gotten any better. This is the only problem in an otherwise amazing relationship and it seems to only be a problem for me. I don't know what to do! Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2007
Tue, 07-10-2007 - 12:35am

It just happens sometimes. There must be like a subconscious thing with certain new lovers. I had really insanely great chemistry with my previous lover and it was cum, cum and more cum. Then I started dating the girl I'm now seeing and it took forever to get my act together with her. Had sex with her several times and I just wasn't cumming inside her. Her vagina just felt totally different than the previous one -- to be somewhat graphic it felt looser and it seemed to fill up with air every time -- and she moved very slightly differently, but enough that it made a difference. It's very wierd to hang in that moment of just-about-to-cum for several minutes.

She was finally able to give me a handjob -- the real thing with both hands and her mouth -- and it took forever but it loosened everything up in my brain. I can happily cum inside her now.

Even still, I often finish by masturbating but that's because I like doing it. Try doing it on her sunglasses and having her lick it off with a huge smile ... that's plenty hot!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Tue, 07-10-2007 - 7:11am

Welcome to the board knightj.

Sometimes in a new relationship, it does take a while, and it's something going on within their head. I know my DH had been through a divorce and then a very controlling relationship. He wasn't able to maintain an erection or ejaculate the first couple of times we were together. I didn't make a big deal about it, he relaxed, and everything worked itself out.

There are a couple of other things that can contribute as well. One is age, the other is masturbation habits. Usually as a guy gets older, he begins to have more difficulty with erections, and can sometimes have problems ejaculating as well. If that's a possibility, you want to be sure that you don't add to his stress level with that event. Also, if a guy frequently masturbates, or has been masturbating for a period of time between relationships, it's often difficult for him to retrain himself to the new feel of things.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Tue, 07-10-2007 - 7:17am

The masturbation question was the first thing that went through my mind too Misty reading knightj's OP. It is possible that he was masturbating a lot before starting to have sex with you knightj and he hasn't quite given up the habit yet. That can make it harder for him to cum while you are having sex. I would suggest following Misty mae's advice and just wait it out and ENJOY :) If he was unhappy about it you would know it. Guys tell it like it is usually, they don't beat around the bush (no pun intended). If he says he is fine take him at his word.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2007
Tue, 07-10-2007 - 8:05am

This is good advice. My bf had been through a tough divorce and it was a tough thing. Definitely had trouble the first few times and similar to you I did not make a big deal of it. He very often will just pleasure himself to completion and that is fine. I can provide the lubricant, he can provide the stimulation lol.

He has described that feeling of just staying at that place where all systems are go but just not launching into cumming. I told him, whenever he feels like it, just to pull out and get himself off, then put it back in, or whatever he wants basically. You can tell very easily that he loves that and that it feels good and that he's used to it -- it's a big one and it's fun to watch him use both hands on it. Fortunately I stay wet so if he wants to go for a marathon session that's not usually a problem either. The key to all this is just communication. He's a very good communicator and has made me into a much, much better one.