The only thing that turns me on is rape

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2007
The only thing that turns me on is rape
13
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 12:01am

Please help... I have no idea what to do... And sorry if this question offends anyone.

I am a 19 year old female and have had 3 sexual partners in the last 2 years, always in caring, consensual, dating relationships. However, it was fairly traditional sex, sure, different positions, but never anything kinky.

The problem is, the only thing that arouses me in the slightest is the thought of being raped... To me, the idea of soft-touching, kissing, looking into each others' eyes, etc is a turn off... it isn't sexual at all to me. I've never had orgasms from sex, don't feel any pleasure from it, and don't get wet during foreplay (we always, always need lube). However, I can get off from masturbating, but only if I think about getting raped, in graphic detail.

My current boyfriend knows about the problem, but he's unwilling to try any kind of role play or anything, he says he "just wouldn't be comfortable with it", and frankly, I can't imagine how it wouldn't be awkward... "Okay, hold still bitch.... am I doing this right?"

But I guess the real problem is that although the idea of being raped is a huge turn on to me, I still want a loving and respectful partner. I feel as if, in order to get enjoyable sex, I'll have to have an abusive boyfriend, but in order to get the loving partner, I'll have to spend the rest of my life staring at the ceiling wishing I felt something.

Does anyone have any ideas of what I should do? I'm completely at my wits' end.
Thanks for your time :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2007
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 5:36am

Thankyou so much for your advice... I really appreciate it, and it's a good way to start... sadly my bed is completely devoid of anything to tie someone to, but I'm sure we'll think of something... there's always the hands-behind-the-back thing...

I'll try and talk to him about any fantasties he has... Perhaps he has a traditional, kink-free loving consensual sex fantasy? (ha ha ha)... but yeah, that's a good idea... I have asked him before, but you're right, he could be embarassed to tell me.

Thanks again! I so much appreciate your replies :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2005
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 6:53am

who said he had to tie you to your bed? LOL If he's going to *force* you into having sexual intercourse with him, then it can be ANYWHERE! And just like you said, hands behind your back is a possibility!

thinking about the scenario, maybe something simple to start out with... Oops, you left the door unlocked and b/f surprises you while you are taking a shower, grabs you out, ties you up and has his way with you right there in the bathroom and *leaves* when he's done! It doesn't have to be rough if he's not comfortable... but I think it would be an idea way to start.

Well I'm off to work fantasizing about my own dh and above scenario! LOL Have a great day!
Katie

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2013
Mon, 03-25-2013 - 4:32am
Omg its like you took the words/ thoughts straight from my head! I have been worried about the exact same thing, the thought of being raped is all that turns me on, 'normal' sex is actually a turn off for me all the soft caring stuff just bores me and I mean to the point where I'll be fuckln someone that I found attractive before we got to the bedroom and I'll be thinking about what I'm going to have for dinner. I've been spanked during sex but nothing to the extent of what it would take to really turn me on. But at the same time I really want a kind caring partner and I would never stay with someone who would abuse/ hit me just because the sex turned me on but then I feel like an abusive boyfriend would be the only way of feeling anything during sex. I've thought about telling my past boyfriends that rape is what turns me on to try some role play but the part about rape that I find hot is the idea of being dominated against my will and forced in to doing things, if theres a safe word and I know that its not real it would feel kind of silly and it wouldn't work as well for me. The thing that turns me on is the opposite of what I would need to have a healthy relationship with someone and I have no idea what to do about it! I'm comfortable with it and all I don't feel the need to go get help thats bull I'm just worried that I'll have to spend my life never feeling anything during sex and never having an orgasm caused by another person :( I've forgotten the point I was trying to make I think I just got a bit carried away because literally what you wrote is exactly how I feel but yeah let me know if you figure anything out :)

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