Only works in one position - help

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2005
Only works in one position - help
5
Sat, 01-22-2005 - 9:10pm

My bf and I have been having sex for about a month but only been successful when I am on top.

We are both fairly inexperienced, so hoping for some thoughts and advice. We first tried missionary but after not being able to get it in after a couple of tries we switched to me on top. This works but we still have to be careful with going at the right angle, otherwise it just doesnt go in at all. I don't know whether this of size - he seemed a little big to me at first but with foreplay, a little lubrication and going slowly, it is mostly comfortable for me now when we do succeed.

Please help - getting a little frustrated and embarrased since it seems such a weird problem. Also, while he has quickly learned how to give me pleasure through clitoral stimulation, he does not seem to be getting the same amount of pleasure from this position and I don't know how to give it to him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Sun, 01-23-2005 - 12:57am

It's only a month! It took some time to get this position to work (and you said that you have to be very careful with that) so it'll take time and practice for other positions to "work" too!

Sex is not only intercourse.....you can give him pleasure orally and manually, too. (Just as he can for you!)

There is SO much more to sex than intercourse, and if you take enough time for the foreplay, you will be able to "get it in" in other positions, too......but it takes practice.

Some women don't reach their full potential for sex for years....it doesn't happen overnight. Be patient.....talk to each other......tell each other what feels good, what doesn't...and learn from each other. Believe it or not, "inexperience" doesn't have that much to do with it, excepting that experience gives you more confidence to try new things. When you're with your 5th partner, or your 10th partner, you'll still have to talk about it, and learn together, because everyone is different, and everyone likes different things. It's not so much "experience" as it is learning about a new partner, what their "hot spots" are, and how to make THEM happy. Every partner is a new experience.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2004
Sun, 01-23-2005 - 3:29pm

It seems like you guys may be stressing out too much when it 'slips out' or whatever. But don't worry. Just go with it. If it slips out, get the sucker back in there and dont make a big deal over it. The experience shouldn't be stressful, it should be fun and comfortable. And yea, like the teabag said, it's ONLY BEEN A MONTH!!

Just be sure to get in a lot of foreplay (kissing, fingering, blowing, sucking, stroking, etc). Don't be so focused on the actual intersource part of sex. It should always be a gradual bulidup to penetration. And try lying on your back while he lifts your legs up over his shoulders while being up on his knees. He'll get to 'be incharge' for that one. (this position isn't as complicated as it sounds)

Just dont stress out too much. You won't look forward to it as much if you find it 'frustrating.'

good luck!
-sammy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2005
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 11:02pm

Hi, thanks for the replies and encouragement.

The problem isn't so much about it slipping out (though that has happened once or twice), it just doesn't seem to be that easy to get it in in the first place. I feel kind of silly just writing about it as I don't see many others in the forums having such a basic problem! Is it normal for it to take a while to find the right 'technique'? We do a lot of foreplay - at least he does and I really enjoy it - but I don't how to reciprocate since he's a little shy about being touched and seems put off by the idea of a woman giving oral. He also seems uncomfortable with many condom types - as with the response on another thread, we found using the larger-sized trojans helps. We will try out the tips, but in the meantime guess we will just have to muddle it through..

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 3:46am

You said that he is a little shy about being touched, that is what sex is all about. If you don't touch eachother its a little hard to do the deed.

Is it that you think you can just sit down on him and it will enter smoothly? Usually i or my boyfriend have to guide it in, no matter what position and no matter how much lube is used.

And if he is put off by a woman giving him head he obviously has not experienced it yet... i have yet to meet a man who didn't appreciate it!

My boyfriend is very shy and it took some time to get used to because i am one to just do what i want if it feels good and i think it will feel good to him too, but its been more than two years now so he has loosened up a lot.

Give him some time and talk with him about the fact that touching is necessary and should feel good! Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 10:31pm

Well said abforu.

I too was kinda like that before Mrs. Para came along and reached in and grabbed me outta my shell, lol. You're right, of course, the intimate touching prior to and during intercourse is as necessary for sex as breathing is when ya really think of about it.

I think sometimes these couples just get into a relationship with far too often. They really have SUCH anticipation about 'what its going to be like' that they unintentionally leave no room for more fun activities in bed and just stick to the typicals.

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R