Open Marriage? Would you
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Open Marriage? Would you
| Sat, 02-18-2006 - 11:43am |
Open Marriage? Would you
- like one?
- have one?
- tried it did not like?
- Allow mate to have one but not you?
- you have one but never allow your mate?
- Only as a couple in three some?
- Only as couple swapping?
- Not in a Million years?
You will be able to change your vote.

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Just way too many "what if`s"...I view as sex with my wife as something sacred. I`m not about to share her with anyone, and she feels the same way. I dont understand the mentality of the open marrige...whats the point of marriage? Convenience? Health Insurance? To me, people who will have sex with others, wheather it be swinging or group sex or open to where they see whom ever they want, have totally separated sex from emotion....even with their own partner.
I know the difference between emotionless sex and sex with someone you love. I guess most of us who have had both found that although the physical side of sex without emotion can be physically gratifying, yet shallow, it pales in comparison to having sex with the person you love. Thus we get married. We share daily duties, expenses, goals,emotions, but we dont share our bodies with someone else... If we did then whats the point of being married?
Edited 2/21/2006 11:38 am ET by humpdaddy
It seems that the attention spans AND the expectations tend to be very short and unrealistic in our society today when it comes to sexual attraction, and relationships in general. That explains the 60% divorce rate.
In the past, couples expected that marriage would require dedication, patience, compromise and ugh...sacrifice, to make it satisfying and worthwhile. Just like anything else worth doing or having.
Today, no one wants to work at anything or make any effort beyond what they believe is necessary, so you end up with bored couples looking to spice things up the easiest way possible...simply find another body to sleep with. And then telling themselves that they're "enlightened, open and free" and all the other nonsense. Not sure how going outside the marriage spices things up within it, but that's what they tell themselves anyway.
That's just not for us. We don't go outside our marriage to solve problems within it because it makes no sense.
>>We don't go outside our marriage to solve problems within it because it makes no sense.<<
But you are assuming that there is a problem. Clearly your own experience in your own relationship leads you to believe that there must be a "problem" with someone-else's relationship if both want to involve a third person. Why does there have to be any problem?
>>Today, no one wants to work at anything or make any effort beyond what they believe is necessary, so you end up with bored couples looking to spice things up the easiest way possible...<<
I'm not so sure that this is a new thing either. Perhaps it's being talked about more, perhaps the internet makes it easier for people to discuss it, perhaps more couples are *sharing* the experience, but I doubt that one or both partners looking for sexual experiences outside the marriage is a new phenomena.
Well, IMO, if you're seeking a different partner, in a supposedly contented and satisfactory relationship, then there IS a problem. You're not getting something from your partner that you're attempting to find elsewhere. That's my perception of the choice anyway. Otherwise, why wouldn't you simply explore new aspects of your own sexualities together without involving another person?
Whether it's the excitement of the voyeurist opportunity or just having sex with a different body, both reasons which you gave as reasons you might consider making that choice, then those things alone could indicate something is lacking in your relationship, couldn't it?
It would never dawn on me or my DH to make that choice. I know because after hearing so many couples saying that they are considering it, I asked my DH if he had any desire to share ourselves with a third party. His reaction? "Are you nuts?"
Why is it that some couples never feel the need to go outside the marriage and some do? I'm not sure but perhaps it's just that monogamy isn't for everyone.
Yes, cheating has always gone on, I'm quite sure but this expectation that sex should always be as it is in the beginning, is a new idea, it seems. Most older couples tended to realize that sex, like the relationship itself, will evolve and mature with time. In other words, CHANGE. Not necessarily for the worst, but actually for the better.
It just seems that couples don't hang in there long enough anymore to find that out before they're sprinting out the door looking for the next different warm body to spice things up.
I'm not critiquing your potential choice though Westie, I'm just making personal observations. Whatever a couple decides to do and why, is up to them.
>>Otherwise, why wouldn't you simply explore new aspects of your own sexualities together without involving another person?<<
We'll have to agree to disagree.
Why NOT explore new aspects of your sexuality together if one of those aspects is a mutually agreed desire to involve another person?
I simply don't see that something has to be missing in a relationship to want to do this. Yes, it *could* be an indicator that something is missing, but I don't see that it has to be like that. You seem to be saying that it's something that's done in a misguided effort to fix a problem, I'm saying that it's possibly something that can be done to enhance what is already there.
>>Whether it's the excitement of the voyeurist opportunity or just having sex with a different body, ... then those things alone could indicate something is lacking in your relationship...>>
Yes, it could indicate something is lacking. But what if it isn't lacking? What if I can have two for the price of one? Why NOT have both if BOTH people want it?
"Why not have both if both people want it?"
Well, they CAN, obviously, and many do.
I'm just questioning the reasoning behind the desire. We CAN and do rationalize all kinds of things to make them acceptable to ourselves though. We can make things right and desirable in our own minds if we want something badly enough. Human nature is like that.
I'm just wondering if this is simply rationalization in order to have your cake and eat it, too.
Tell me, will you also be willing to share her with another man if she wants in the future?
Edited 2/22/2006 12:39 am ET by rain_dancer_iam
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