Opinions Wanted

Avatar for hwh50
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2001
Opinions Wanted
8
Fri, 11-03-2006 - 12:16pm
I just watched a show where a male panel said they would rather be told their sexual skills were lacking then have a woman fake it. It this the general male consensus? Also, will a man tell a woman if she was lacking? Any signs, other than never hearing from him again, that the guy you just had sex with wasn't pleased?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2006
In reply to: hwh50
Fri, 11-03-2006 - 7:41pm

Yes, that is the general male consensus.

If you tell us we're lacking, our egos might be just a little bruised.
If we find out you've been faking orgasms for a long time, we may stop having sex with you altogether, or leave you. Faking orgasms is a reflection of a lack of openness, honesty, and trust in a relationship.

I can't necessarilly speak for all men, but I will certainly tell my partner if she is lacking. However, I do this a little more tactfully.. telling her what doesn't work, and suggesting ways to improve, or change things a little. Constructive criticism, not just "You're lacking."

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Ask him. Ask him how it was. Ask him if there's anything you can do better; anything he really enjoyedl anything he didn't enjoy so much. Communication will always get you where you want to get to =)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2006
In reply to: hwh50
Fri, 11-03-2006 - 10:44pm
It's my opinion that either party, whether it be the man or the woman, should continue to "fake it", unless, of course, they hope to alleviate the problem. It is impossible to fix a problem which you don't know exists.
once.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
In reply to: hwh50
Fri, 11-03-2006 - 11:31pm

For most men, sex is always satisfying, unless the woman lays there like a lump, rolling her eyes, and telling him to hurry and get it over with! If you're enjoying what's going on, and you're showing that, they'll be happy.

But there is nothing wrong with either sex making suggestions, either. Anyone with any brains isn't going to tell their partner that they're lousy lovers. There is a way of simply saying, "I would love it if you would do this, or that, or whatever". Unfortunately, there ARE men who think they're the world's greatest lovers.....and aren't open to suggestion...but who would want to be with someone like that anyway? And I think a lot of men think that way because so many women will "fake" it, thinking that will make them happy. And it does. There have been posts here from women who are beating themselves up because they don't have orgasms (and many women don't) and their partner tells them "there must be something wrong with you, because EVERY woman I've ever been with has had orgasms!" Most men have no idea that a woman is faking, if she is or isn't.

Many men AND women think that a man gives a woman an orgasm. He doesn't! He can do the right things, but if she's non-orgasmic, he can be the best lover in the world, she's not going to have them. And if she doesn't, so what? As long as she's enjoying, and he's enjoying....orgasms are just the icing on the cake.... But if she feels guilty, and fakes orgasms, she's just making her own lack of them worse than ever.

Communication, in and out of the bedroom is the key to any good relationship.

Avatar for hwh50
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2001
In reply to: hwh50
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 4:57pm
I have to admit there were times I faked it because it wasn't happening on it's own. The man I was with was hung up on the fact that I had to orgasm or something was wrong with our love making. That was years ago, since then I've learned how to make it happen so there's no need to fake, mind over matter.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2004
In reply to: hwh50
Sun, 11-05-2006 - 1:59am
I have heard this, but never felt that way at all. If my SO had ever lied about an O, she is only cutting herself short. I never felt as if I were being graded, because I have always offered to do whatever she asks for, or I should say she "indicates" that she wants/needs to get off. I do agree with one of the other posters, that women get better about realising what they need to orgasm, as far as stimulation and their own mindset, as they get older. There is no doubt in my mind at all that both men and women become better lovers as they age/learn what both they and their partners need.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
In reply to: hwh50
Sun, 11-05-2006 - 9:43am

I agree with you that older is better. These young kids think they have it locked...and think that by the time you're 40 you should hang it up and settle for a rocking chair!

When you're 19, and servicing your husbands buddies....you think that's hot stuff. When you grow up......you KNOW what hot stuff is, and it ain't THAT!

What we see here is not a cross-section of people, it's people with problems....and one of the biggest "problems" is lack of orgasms. Sometimes it's the guys, but often it's the women themselves that feel there's something wrong with them, or they feel "guilty" that they don't have orgasms. There have been a few women who have said they just don't bother with sex anymore....why bother if they're not going to have orgasms? HOW SAD!

I honestly think that men like you are in the minority. Many men are totally uninformed about female bodies and female sexuality....and many are just selfish, they "get theirs" and assume that a woman will "get theirs" simply because they're so thrilled to be with him. I've been around the block a few times, and I've met very few like you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2004
In reply to: hwh50
Sun, 11-05-2006 - 5:11pm
Thanks for your comments. I learned many years ago that the more she enjoyed it, the more often it would take place. I pretty much know what she needs/likes, so I pretty much don't stray too far from those things unless she indicates she wants to do something different. And I almost always make sure she cums first, since we know I am going to anyway. BTW, I like your direct, no nonsense advice. Definitely a woman that has learned a thing or two about life!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2006
In reply to: hwh50
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 2:54pm
Interesting and informative thread! I, for one, wouldn't bother faking - I'd only be short changing myself. You have to be comfortable enough with yourself and your relationship to "make" things happen. And, most of the time that means communicating your needs and wants with the other person.

 

 

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