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| Fri, 11-03-2006 - 12:16pm |
I just watched a show where a male panel said they would rather be told their sexual skills were lacking then have a woman fake it. It this the general male consensus? Also, will a man tell a woman if she was lacking? Any signs, other than never hearing from him again, that the guy you just had sex with wasn't pleased?

Yes, that is the general male consensus.
If you tell us we're lacking, our egos might be just a little bruised.
If we find out you've been faking orgasms for a long time, we may stop having sex with you altogether, or leave you. Faking orgasms is a reflection of a lack of openness, honesty, and trust in a relationship.
I can't necessarilly speak for all men, but I will certainly tell my partner if she is lacking. However, I do this a little more tactfully.. telling her what doesn't work, and suggesting ways to improve, or change things a little. Constructive criticism, not just "You're lacking."
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Ask him. Ask him how it was. Ask him if there's anything you can do better; anything he really enjoyedl anything he didn't enjoy so much. Communication will always get you where you want to get to =)
For most men, sex is always satisfying, unless the woman lays there like a lump, rolling her eyes, and telling him to hurry and get it over with! If you're enjoying what's going on, and you're showing that, they'll be happy.
But there is nothing wrong with either sex making suggestions, either. Anyone with any brains isn't going to tell their partner that they're lousy lovers. There is a way of simply saying, "I would love it if you would do this, or that, or whatever". Unfortunately, there ARE men who think they're the world's greatest lovers.....and aren't open to suggestion...but who would want to be with someone like that anyway? And I think a lot of men think that way because so many women will "fake" it, thinking that will make them happy. And it does. There have been posts here from women who are beating themselves up because they don't have orgasms (and many women don't) and their partner tells them "there must be something wrong with you, because EVERY woman I've ever been with has had orgasms!" Most men have no idea that a woman is faking, if she is or isn't.
Many men AND women think that a man gives a woman an orgasm. He doesn't! He can do the right things, but if she's non-orgasmic, he can be the best lover in the world, she's not going to have them. And if she doesn't, so what? As long as she's enjoying, and he's enjoying....orgasms are just the icing on the cake.... But if she feels guilty, and fakes orgasms, she's just making her own lack of them worse than ever.
Communication, in and out of the bedroom is the key to any good relationship.
I agree with you that older is better. These young kids think they have it locked...and think that by the time you're 40 you should hang it up and settle for a rocking chair!
When you're 19, and servicing your husbands buddies....you think that's hot stuff. When you grow up......you KNOW what hot stuff is, and it ain't THAT!
What we see here is not a cross-section of people, it's people with problems....and one of the biggest "problems" is lack of orgasms. Sometimes it's the guys, but often it's the women themselves that feel there's something wrong with them, or they feel "guilty" that they don't have orgasms. There have been a few women who have said they just don't bother with sex anymore....why bother if they're not going to have orgasms? HOW SAD!
I honestly think that men like you are in the minority. Many men are totally uninformed about female bodies and female sexuality....and many are just selfish, they "get theirs" and assume that a woman will "get theirs" simply because they're so thrilled to be with him. I've been around the block a few times, and I've met very few like you!