Oral

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Oral
30
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 6:08pm
hmm most of you know ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years and i LOvE him so much,.. LATELY now he talks about me doing this all the time (oral) and i just cant. i cant even see myself doing that. I always yell at him "NO! im never going to do it! And he gets really upset. "He tells me if i do it he would be so happy and blah blah.. but i just cant see myself doing it or why i would even want to do it. in the beginning of our relationship, the first year, i allowed him to get oral from other women because i didnt care, it just grossed me out but now i dont want him with no other woman now that im sexually active with him.
But i just dont know what to do, everytime i think about it i gross out... any kind of suggestions?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
In reply to: naleiya
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 8:05am
I think we have to remember that she's only had sex once in her whole life and that with some upsetting aftermath. It takes a while to get used to the idea of new things, when you're 18 and haven't had sex but once.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
In reply to: naleiya
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 8:14am

I want to start off by saying that if you are dead set against giving him oral, if it just disgusts you, then don't do it. On the other hand, if you are at all curious, maybe give it a try.

I had an ex-GF who refused to give me oral. I could live with that, but I let her know I wish she would give it a try. One night we were naked in bed, lying on our sides and reversed so that my head was by her genitals and hers by my penis. I started giving her oral (she certainly had no problem receiving) and she seemed to be getting very aroused, then suddenly she grabbed my erection and put it into her mouth. After that night, she seems to have gotten over some mental barrier and performed oral on me many times.

My first time performing oral on a woman was reluctant. I did it mainly to please her. It took awhile, but sometimes I crave it!

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: naleiya
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 9:18am
Yes, in just the next 5 yrs. alone, she'll change her mind about a LOT of things! Twice!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
In reply to: naleiya
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 11:36am

There are so many "stories" on this board, sometimes we forget about the background of someone like this. I didn't forget it, but I wasn't really thinking, either. As you said in your other post, a few years back, oral wasn't "first date recreation"! It never came up in my life till I was married for several years. Back then, women were aware of it, but thought that only hookers did it! When I was first asked for it, I wasn't grossed out, but I just kept thinking "I'm not a hooker and I can't do that"!

Anyway, thinking about what's happened to her in just the last few months, I have to wonder about dear b/f......does he have ANY concept of what she's been thru? I doubt it if now all he's concerned about is "getting off"! I have had my doubts about him thru this whole saga......but when you're 18, and think you're in love, there is NO way anyone can convince her that he isn't "Mr.Wonderful". Only time will tell.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
In reply to: naleiya
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 12:27pm
no he hasnt been asking me ever since the "trauma" i like to call it.. but weve been together for a while (2years) its just something i started thinking about... but like ____ said im not new-experienced with sex, maybe i need to get into it more and i would feel different.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
In reply to: naleiya
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 3:08pm

I wonder how many other men felt the same way before giving oral, if they were completely honest! **And** when they were an inexperienced teenager. I knew a few guys at that age, that thought giving oral to a woman wasn't something they were sure they wanted to do. I think they were afraid they wouldn't do it right, might be bothered by odor, it didn't seem all that appealing. And how many of those guys felt differently after 20 years and some experience under their belt? They probably look back and laugh about their hesitation, now that they're in their 40s!!

When you're 18 and inexperienced, saying no to something sexual doesn't mean you'll never consider it. When I was that age, I never would have thought I would consent to anal sex (many times), or eagerly climb on top of DH, or do it on the front porch one evening, or posted (faceless) pics of DH and I on the 'net. Hell, the Internet wasn't even around when I was that age!!! Or probably a ton of other things that maturity and comfort with my own sexuality have led me to do.

I think at 18, you have plenty of time to get comfortable with the idea of doing sexual things in your life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: naleiya
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 4:47pm

>>I wonder how many other men felt the same way before giving oral, if they were completely honest! <<

Yeah, when you're 18 things seem different. I can remember that I couldn't wait to give oral back when I was a young chap - but then I think that I was probably in the minority. I would expect that most guys would have been a bit hesistant for a number of reasons.

Maybe things will change and her feelings about oral sex will change? In the meantime, he just has to live without his BJ's. He'll have to make a choice between the relationship that he has, and his need for oral sex.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: naleiya
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 6:19pm
The funny thing about that is that I never asked a guy to provide oral for me...they ALWAYS offered. So, not sure if the reticence that the OP is feeling is as prevalent for men when it comes to getting THAT up close and personal with female genitalia.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: naleiya
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 1:00am
That's a thought. I think that many men wouldn't be caught dead admitting that they like giving oral sex - certainly not the macho ones anyway. It could be difficult finding out what percentage of men DON'T like performing oral sex actually is. I suspect that the surveyed "dislike" would be higher than the real percentage.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: naleiya
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 10:27am

Not sure why men wouldn't dare admit that they like pleasing their partner though. Why wouldn't a man WANT his male friends to know that he is willing to give unselfishly?

I guess that's another male sexual attitude that most women don't understand.