Oral question

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2007
Oral question
19
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 9:03am

My question kind of fits under the one from the lady that seems to not like giving oral. My wife seems very much like her-I might get 3-4 a year. Now, I am not going to pressure her to do something that she doesn't want to do but obviously I would love more. Here is a question I had at the end of my last post that some might not have viewed. I would be curious to get your opinions.

Oh one more question for you ladies-what do you consider a blow job. Do you consider it when you go down on him until he cums? For my wife, a blow job has always consisted of oral action for about 1-2 minutes just prior to intercourse. Is that still considered a blow job or is there another name for that? I can really only think of one sexual activity that would make my sex life complete with my wife and that is for her to give me a bj from start to finish. I have asked her about and she says no way she will do that. I do respect her wishes but can't help but still want that experience. I guess one time when she is giving me head, I can let her get me nearly there and then tell her I am about to blow and she can then pull back and jerk me off-that would be as close to it as possible and here recently, she has started asking me if I want her to jerk me off or do I want to have sex, something she has never done in our marriage. Don't get me wrong, I prefer intercourse as does she but, before recently, she was very reluctant to even touch me down there, and now, she touches me often and has even started jerking me off. If she senses I am about to cum, she will ask me how I want to cum and mostly I say via intercourse but a few times I have let her just jack me off. So, maybe the next time she is giving me oral, I can let her get me REALLY close and then she can manually go from there. Obviously this would cause a mess but if she is giving me oral as she normally does-with me lying on my back and her on top of me, well kneeling in front of me on the bed, the mess would likely get on the sheets or on me. She has made comments before about how she doesn't like the mess so this again might be a good way to make my one last sexual fantasy come true-as close to true as I will get with the wife that is (the ultimate of course would be to cum in her mouth). Considering my wife seems much comfortable getting me orgasm manually nowadays, I really think this might be a really exciting experience for myself and maybe even for her.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
In reply to: pappyred
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 9:40am

You know, sometimes it takes a lot of years from "put THAT in my mouth, you've got to be kidding?" to "Ok, if you want me to, I will". And then maybe in a few more years, "bring that thing here".....

Some women have to work their way up to it very slowly. They have to be able to reconcile in their mind that it's not gross, or tacky, or low class.

As for finishing in her mouth, a lot of women are scared of the taste, the consistency, gagging or even throwing up. Until they get to experience it, they'll never know.

I went from resisting doing it, to "oh, just to shut him up"......while I was married. Of course, the "favor" was never returned. After I got divorced.....I was so indoctrinated that I did it without being asked, because I knew men liked it. It took me a few good relationships and maturity to not only doing it, but WANTING to do it. I never found the taste bad, I've gagged a few times (not because of taste, just from being caught off guard, lol) and it's no big deal.....and I would feel deprived if I was ever with a man who didn't want it done.....I love it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
In reply to: pappyred
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 9:44am
I think oral sex is anytime a women's mouth is on her man's penis. It doesn't matter for how long or if to completion.



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2007
In reply to: pappyred
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 10:27am
Well, my wife did it more before we were married than she has after we were married-course we waited to have intercourse so in her mind, oral/manual was the only sex acts we were able to do before we married. Then, once married, it was like, we can now officially have intercourse so no need to do oral again. Even though I LOVED to give her oral, she usually balked. Now that we have talked and talked and talked about it, she realizes that I do indeed love giving her oral-and she seems to enjoy it when she allows me to do it as it gives her great pleasure, usually orgasm. That concept was tough for her to accept because as she said, "I don't get why you love doing that so much". Along the way though, her giving me oral has continued to be a very rare occurence. I do NOT ask for oral because the few times I have done so, she has given me a look that would kill. So, I just kind of wait until she does it-maybe 3-4x during the year. One thing I have noticed with her though is that she is now more willing to touch me down there-before, it was rare she would even touch me. Also, when I am giving her oral, she will touch herself or open herself up to me while I am down there. This is great progress for her to realize, it is not low class or dirty for her to touch me or herself. I am hopeful though that as the years pass, she will begin to realize more and more that giving oral is not so bad and gives me a great deal pleasure. I honestly am fine if she never lets me cum in her mouth-she has tasted my precum and doesn't like the taste. I don't have a problem with her not doing that but if she will give me oral until I about lose it and then pull off me and finish me with her hand, I think that will be about as great of an experience as if she let me cum in her mouth. I really am encouraged by her progress over the last 2-3 years. I am just hopeful that as she continues to mature sexually, she will be more aggressive and less passive. She will learn to enjoy sex more and more and just maybe her drive will someday equal mine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
In reply to: pappyred
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 12:09pm

I pretty much agree with sakura on this. Its a learned action. Giving my man pleasure was the first thing that I got off on about it. Then I learned to enjoy it fully and this made it pleasurable for me too. Some women never get used to actually swallowing and if you have one that does, treasure her. My SO is 49 and he never had a woman get him off like that before and actually swallow (and like it) but me. I have seen that in a lot of my relationships. So if you can convince her to do it longer and then tell her just before you orgasm so she can finish manually that's a good way to start.

Good luck pappy!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2007
In reply to: pappyred
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 12:37pm
Thanks for your responses. Heck, if I can get her to give me oral and then manually finish me, that will be as much as I can ask for to be honest. I would be shocked beyond belief if she ever wanted me to finish in her mouth, I just don't expect that to ever happen-and I am fine with that. I am just thrilled she finally has started manually stimulating me after all these years-it is like she finally is admitting, it is ok to have a sexual encounter without having to have intercourse. I LOVE intercourse but it is refreshing to have another outlet to orgasm every so often. So, the next time she goes down on me, I think I am going to tell her to finish me manually and see how that experience is. It might not be as great as I had hoped for but then again, it might be better than I could imagine. Before recently, she didn't know how to jack me off. Her grip and motion was not good at all but since she has started doing more of it now, she now is getting an idea of just how to do it in a way that gets me off. Practice really does make perfect.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2007
In reply to: pappyred
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 5:27pm
altough i'd usually prefer to have him finish in my mouth (or tits sometimes), there have been times when i have just jacked the guy off. it's kinda fun watching that stuff shoot out! lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2005
In reply to: pappyred
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 4:20am
DW and I both love to give each other oral. I love for DW to cum while I give her oral. We will kiss deeply sharing her juices. DW is an expert at BJ'S. She loves for me to cum in her mouth, but I prefer her to give me a BJ and just as I am about to cum to finish me with a handjob. Oral sex is so erotic.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2007
In reply to: pappyred
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 10:55am
Well, it might be fun to watch it come out but it is more fun for it be coming out of you-meaning, as much fun as a woman might get in getting her man to cum, it is more fun for us guys to cum. Just like I love getting my wife to O but I bet she loves getting to O more than I love getting her there. I do think though, as long as my wife doesn't get my cum all over her, she might be fine doing this for me. She does not like having cum all over her but if it gets on me or the sheets, she is ok with it. Still thinks it is messy but otherwise ok with it. I can't wait until my next bj to see if this will happen. Course it might be Oct or Nov before I get another one but that is fine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2007
In reply to: pappyred
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 2:53pm
Just a suggestion, but you could use a condom and let her finish giving you oral sex. That way it's not messy and she doesn't have to worry about gagging or whatever. Good luck, it sounds like things are getting better with time. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2007
In reply to: pappyred
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 9:25am

While I do appreciate your suggestion, believe me, I would gladly wear a condom, I don't think your suggestion would go over well with my wife. Reason being, you buy flavored condoms, it is telling her, hey, I want you to give me more bj's. One thing I have learned over the years with the wife, she does NOT like to feel pressure to give. She only wants to give when she wants to give-which, I have to say is not very often, but probably more often than a lot of women give. Still, if I buy something designed for a woman giving oral, I think it sends the wrong message.

Well, as great as our night escape was, we have not made love again since we returned. Granted, we had a busy weekend but still had hoped to take that momentum from our night away going. The monthly visitor is due any day so I fear we will likely go possibly two weeks between encounters. I know I shouldn't complain but can't help it sometimes. Course I have taken care of myself several times since. Not sure how my wife can go without for a week or two but I certainly can't. She thinks I do but I can't. She never point blank asks me because if she did, I would be honest and tell her yes, I have masturbated 2-3x this week. I have never understood her orgasms to be honest. By her reactions, they feel just as incredible as mine do but somehow she can go a long period of time without experiencing that. To me, something that feels that good, I can't go more than 3-4 days without feeling it again.

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