Oral question

Avatar for debra1016
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Oral question
20
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 4:15pm
Okay, in an effort to revitalize our sex life (I posted last week regarding DH's lack of libido), I initiated oral sex the other night. I used to really enjoy doing this, and have been told I was quite good at it, but it's been awhile. I noticed I have much more of a gag reflex than I used to, I have no idea why. I thought maybe it was because I was kneeling in front of him, maybe it was a bad angle, but I just couldn't find a comfortable way to take in as much as I could. I know he would love me to go all the way down, and I used to be able to do this. Any suggestions for how to position myself as to not gag? I admit, since it's been so long for us, I was a little anxious and perhaps overzealous, maybe I just wasn't relaxed.

Any feedback would be appreciated, thank you!

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
In reply to: debra1016
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 6:37pm
No small ones for me, thank you.
Avatar for debra1016
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: debra1016
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 9:00pm
Thanks, everyone for your comments- glad to have started such a great topic. Yes, he did reciprocate, and I have no complaints in that dept. I appreciate all the advice, and I think next time will be even better!

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
In reply to: debra1016
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 11:29am
There is a goop that you can buy at a sex shop if you have a shop aval. called good head...it is flavored and what it does is numb the back of your throat so that you can swallow your man whole.

I have very bad gag reflexes too.

Christi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
In reply to: debra1016
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 2:31pm
Good Head is not very good. It didn't numb out my SO's throat, but it made my penis and especially the head numb. She still gagged from it, and all I ended up having was a numb head. LOL Also, tried the Oral care strips during cunnilingus, and she had to stop me, because it burned her. I think I left to much of the strip in my mouth when I started to work on her. I will try again, but this time swallow all the remaining bits of the strip. Personally I just like the giver to be enjoying themselves(my SO) and me to know it. If I don't feel like she is having a good time, then I will go soft, period, end of story. I have not been able to enjoy a BJ from any woman who didn't show her pleasure in doing it. Then again, I have had women who got to into showing there pleasure that it seemed fake too. So it is hard to find a great BJ. My SO has been the best I have ever had, but lately she is having difficulty with my erection deficiency. I am unable to maintain an erection through the course of a BJ. I know why, and I know what to do for it, but I am not able to tell her, because as soon as I mention anything about it she starts thinking she is not good enough for me, or inadequate. It is totally infuriating. She tries, she really does, but I feel like it is all for not if I don't cum, so, I have to stop her, or change up, or do something, and she takes offence to that. She says she wants to taste me, like I do her, but I am getting afraid these days especially, that I will not stay hard, and more damage will be done from it, then not doing it at all. The other night I was down on her, and she wanted to go down on me, So after taking off my shirt, and working on my pants, I told her to wait for a few minutes, let me at least get aroused here first. That was not meant as an offensive statement, but it must have come out wrong, because she lost interest intirely, and didn't want to even let me continue, or touch her sexually for that matter the rest of the night. Even the next day, I was shunned. It really bothers me that something I have no control over is hurting her so badly. I have sat down and tried to explain it to her, but it does no good. I am so confused as to what to do here, so maybe someone has some clue. I am so lost. I want to please her, but at the same time, I know I never will while the pressure is on. She doesn't just do it for fun, she does it to get my orgasm. And it makes it harder for me, cause I end up focusing on that, and not on the actions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
In reply to: debra1016
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 4:36pm
Amazing ain't it Jeep? When someone pressures you, how it can have an adverse effect? How expectations, can alter the course of the mind. If I were you, I'd point blankly tell her that she's the cause of the problem. That she's sucking(;-)) all of the fun out of it and making it a goal. The weird thing is, is that even if she does calm down and accept it, you won't! tee hee The damage is done. Everytime she's on you, you're going to feel pressured. Only time and her true attitude will re-gain your belief in her, that she won't be disappointed and is not doing it for the prize! I've never had to deal with it, but my DH is 48, and you never know. I'm preparing my ego for the day. ;-) Yep, you need to tell her that she's the cause, that might shake her up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2003
In reply to: debra1016
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 4:48pm
Gosh, all I can say is, don't torture yourself so much! Don't deprive her of the pleasure of pleasuring -you- ... that's perhaps the ultimate in all things relating to love and sex -- to know that you're capable of causing nuclear explosions of bliss in the other person's brain -- whether with your sexual moves or simply your good company. Really, don't overthink it. Also I think there's a really positive way to talk to others and get what it is you want ... I'm sure this woman would like nothing more than to do what you want ... but she's not a mind-reader, and we're all wired slightly differently ... so you have to tell her! One thing that was interesting: a couple of years ago I had a good fling with a married woman (please no commenting on the morality of same) and I said to myself, I'm always gonna tell her EXACTLY what I want, for better or worse, and if she doesn't like it, well fine. The thing that was so awesome was that she really, really, really liked being told -- not in a mean way just a direct way -- what I liked and it made her feel like a complete person to be able to do it.

(Also, why worried about whether or not you're aroused at the beginning of a bj? Presumably you'll soon be!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
In reply to: debra1016
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 5:11pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
In reply to: debra1016
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 12:34pm
>>I am curious as to why you said let me at least get aroused first. I love when dh is not aroused and I can bring him there through oral or is that not something you like.<<

That is something I like, but at the moment I was getting very nervous, and very apprehensive about it. So, all I was trying to do was slow things a bit. It really bothers me to think that all she wants is the orgasm at the end, and lately that is all she has talked about. I have gotten so bad that during I will go soft, because I start thinking to much. Am I going to make it? Is she going to get her prize? Will I get soft? Everything she does feels incredible, but I cannot focus on it, because my mind is racing a million miles an hour about whether or not I will make her happy. And a lot of it has simply to do with something you said in another thread. Enthusiasm is not there. Desire to just do it, is not there. It is all about the orgasm. Yes, I love oral sex to completion, I love oral sex as forplay, I love oral sex, just for the oral sex. But I have to have the feeling that she wants what she is doing, enjoyus what she is doing, and is getting pleasure from it. If she appears to be doing it just for me, or doing it out of guilt, or feeling that it is only fair, I lose interest, and go soft. Then she is all upset over it, and starts talking about how inadequate she is, and how she cannot do anything to please me. It is a viscious cycle that I cannot step out of.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: debra1016
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 1:56pm

Jeep,


I can understand your apprehension in all this.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
In reply to: debra1016
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 3:46pm
I have only had a few times when pleasing her didn't result in orgasm, and those are times she stopped me herself. Those were times when her brain just wasn't in the bedroom. If she didn't have an orgasm from sex, she is still happy and content. There have been times when she did not have an orgasm at all, primarily due to situations like above. No, she does not blame me, and she tells me over and over again that she really does enjoy it, even without the O. But she seems to think that my pleasure is derived from my orgasm, and I have to convince her otherwise. LOL Not an easy thing to do, as this woman is one of the most stubborn I have ever known. LOL

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