Oral sex not sex?

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Oral sex not sex?
9
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 9:26am
Recently I was told that younger gals view oral sex as only "forplay" or petting and not as sex. I was told that they use oral sex as a way of pleasing a guy, and not getting prego. My generation views orals sex as a form of sex, and many of us view it as even more intimate than intercourse. Many of the women I knew would only give a bj to their S.O. Comments?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to:
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 9:48am
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
In reply to:
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 9:50am
You're right, of course. Oral SEX is called that because it's sex, and as you said, viewed by most mature adults as an even MORE intimate form of sex than intercourse.

Maybe it's because most people in a mature adult relationship consider oral sex a part of foreplay, the young kids have picked up on that....and think that it's "okay", as long as you don't go on and have intercourse.

Young women have a strange idea about virginity....equating it with nothing more than vaginal penetration. Even though that's the technical meaning, for most people, virginity equates "innocence", and when a female has had every orifice in her body EXCEPT her vagina penetrated with fingers, tongues and penises, they like to think of themselves as "innocent" or "pure". It's hard not to laugh when you read that a young woman has done everything sexual that is possible, manual, oral and anal, but they go on to state that they're "saving themselves" for marriage. Boy, what a dissapointment THEIR wedding night is going to be!

You know something is very wrong when you read newspaper headlines that a 14 year old was caught in a highschool stairwell giving oral sex to a long line of boys. I guess she accomplished her purpose (at least until she was caught) and I'm sure she was one of the most popular girls in that school. How sad!

I recently read an article about how kids are bombarded with sex on TV, in movies, even in their music.....so it's not unusual that they have a skewed idea of what it's about. Not that they even see the actual sex act, but the premise of some TV shows like Friends is about nothing but who's sleeping with who, and how to get someone between the sheets. The kids get the idea that's all life is about......getting and giving sex. I've read posts from young girls wanting to know how to give good oral sex, BETTER than their b/f's OTHER girlfriends, so that they can be the favorite girlfriend. That's not only sad, that's sick. When did it become a competition? How about even more experienced girls wanting to know how to "blow his mind" next time.......Honey, if his mind isn't "blown" by just being with you, there's something wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it.

I'm sure in another generation or two, things will revert back to a more "victorian" way of life, it's a known fact that the pendulum swings both ways.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
In reply to:
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 12:00pm
Of course part of the issue is that we are artificially extending "childhood" wellond the normal age of sexual maturity. This has developed only over the last few decades.

For most of our history people entered into adult relationships soon after puberty. By delaying that we introduce a whole new set of issues to deal with. We expect sexually mature young people to behave the same as they did before puberty. We are surprised and concerned when they do act based on the desires that come with physical sexual maturity.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
In reply to:
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 1:33pm
If an orgasm or genital touching

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to:
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 3:06pm
>>part of the issue is that we are artificially extending "childhood" wellond the normal age of sexual maturity.<<

Do you really think that is the case? I would have thought that it is the opposite. We are forcing adult behaviours onto sexual immature children. Have you not noticed that some children of 10 or 11 behave and express themselves like small adults? Although beyond puberty and capable of sexual reproduction most children aren't emotionally mature enough to deal with adult sexual behaviour - yet it is very much part of their world now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
In reply to:
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 3:49pm
I'm sorry, but I can't agree with that. "Artificially" extending childhood??? Fifty years ago, the "average" age of puberty was 12 to 14. Are you saying that a 12 to 14 year old is ready for sex? Are you also aware that today, it isn't unusual for girls of 9 or 10 to start puberty, and have periods? By your definition, should a 10 year old be encouraged or allowed to be sexually active? I have a friend who's a nurse in the pediatric ward of a large city hospital. She tells stories about 11 and 12 year olds that are pregnant, and give birth......and have NO idea why they're having a baby. I guess they don't understand that sexual activity makes babies happen. Maybe because they watch "Friends" and some slick 16 year old tells them that it's what all the girls do.

They may have passed the age of puberty, but it also requires maturity and knowledge to be able to have a sexual relationship.

When I was growing up, and passed puberty at the age of 14, I was also expected to have some SELF CONTROL! Just going thru puberty is not license to become sexually active, now or in the past.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
In reply to:
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 7:41pm
no puberty is not a "go" sign to go ahead and have sex. but back to the original question, maybe because i am from the 'younger' generation i don't view oral sex as sex. and mainly that's because growing up, in HS especially, more "derrogatory" terms were used to describe it (bj, head, etc)... "oral SEX" was never used to describe what was going on. i practiced oral sex for a couple years before i lost my virginity. in no way did i think i was 'pure' but, i wouldn't get pregnant, and i was safe w/ one partner, and was not ready to have sex. plus, sadly, many teenage girls only get freaked out by becoming pregnant, not STD's.. so practicing oral was deemed as "okay". to me, sex is much more intimate because it's a much larger connection. not that oral doesn't have that, but the way it's portrayed when i was younger kind of ruined that, for me at least. i'm only 21, but in my generation, that's how it's seen. i was a virgin until i had intercourse, end of story. does it mean i was "wrong" to engage in oral sex because i was holding off on intercourse? no, of course not. at one point i was waiting to have sex till marriage/right person, and practicing oral didn't seem "as wrong" because the consequences (pregnant when young and not ready) were not nearly as serious. it's all about personal preference which yes seems to differ by generation and often swayed by the media.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
In reply to:
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 12:31pm



At younger ages you are right there is more of a concern.

My point is not long ago people married by their mid teens and had a family by 20's now we often have kids in school till their mid 20's some not forming pair bonds till their mid 20's or 30's with marriage following. Given that extended adolescence, I don't think its realistic to expect that most will refrain from acting on their normal sex drive until age 20 or latter. Particularly the group of young people from their mid teens and on.

That being the case, its important that they have the information they need to be safe and when and if they decide to start a sexual relationship.

The fact that young people in that age group would choose to act on there sexual desires should be neither shocking or unexpected.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
In reply to:
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 12:38pm
Ok point taken at pre teen ages it is a concern.

My point is more that since many don't finish school till the mid 20's that is in effect extending adolescents beyond it biological norm. As such I don't think unrealistic to expect most will refrain from acting on their normal sex drive until age 20 or latter. Particularly the group of young people from their mid teens and on.