Oral Sex Question - Complicated

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2006
Oral Sex Question - Complicated
5
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 10:11am

I will try to make this easy to follow.

My guy loves to provide oral sex. He is a master at the art. Lately, however, I have been very jitery and not responding the way I'd like/should. Of course he noticed and thinks I no longer enjoy his attention (I don't want to give this up). I told him this but from his prospective - he's been rejected and doesn't want to do this anymore.

Last night we came really close to doing it again but I didn't push the issue (which he feels "sealed the envelope") and once again - he has told me he won't provide oral anymore.

I feel like banging my head against the wall.

I want to receive oral, I want to relax and enjoy it but I'm in this rediculous catch-22. If I ask - he'll think I'm just trying to appease him and if I don't ask (and hope that it will just happen) then he thinks I don't want it.

Uugghh. Can anyone make sense of this and help?

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 12:08pm
Double posting, sorry.


Edited 12/11/2006 12:27 pm ET by katmandoo2001
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 12:21pm

Unfortunately, it seems that your BF's reaction exposes the true reason he's so generous with the oral pleasure and it's not a good one. His sexual ego is tied up in your reaction. Instead of doing it because it gives you pleasure, he's doing it because your reaction makes HIM feel like a great lover. Hence, his "I'm taking my tongue and going home" reaction to your lack of applause, oohs and ahhs lately.

I think you need to explain sexuality 101 to him. You love his skills but you aren't a robot programmed to respond the same way every time. You WILL have an off day, night or even period but it has NOTHING to do with his abilities to please you.

Too bad that he's not mature enough to know that already.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2006
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 12:59pm
One or both of you is confused about female sexual responce! No two women respond to identical stimulation the same way. I've never had an O thru OS, and yes it makes me a bit odd from other females, but I enjoy OS anyway. You need to let him know that he can't base your reaction and responce ( or lack there of ) based on past lovers and his refusal to "provide oral" because your body isn't responding as he sees appropriate is childish and egotistical.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 1:41pm
That is correct, your reactions are not going to be the same every time he gives you oral and he needs to be made to realize, he does need to be mature enough to realize that you are not going to react the same every time. My girlfriend has differing reactions when I perform oral sex on her but I realize that this will be the case and I don't let it get to me because I know it doesn't mean I'm not pleasing her. Sometimes it takes a little longer for her to come, or sometimes she needs more foreplay before I perform oral sex on her or before we have intercourse. So I would talk to him and let him know that you will have differring reactions and maybe he needs to give you more foreplay as well. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 2:35pm

Who told you he was a "Master of the Art"? HIM? He needs to grow up, he needs to learn about women, and he needs to leave his ego outside the bedroom.

He thinks he's not pleasing you? He thinks if you ask you're appeasing him? Actually, he thinks too much of himself, and he's not doing it FOR you, he's doing it TO you, and damn you if you're not appreciating it enough.

If a man thinks this way in the bedroom, he thinks the same way OUT of the bedroom. If you can't "talk" to him and get a rational response and some understanding from him.....you need to start thinking, too! Thinking if you can deal with this guy's EGO!

PS: My former SO LOVED giving oral sex.....but he also was doing it for me. If I wasn't "responding" (It happens to every woman on occasion) he just kept at it, he was enjoying, and so was I.....and he UNDERSTOOD that. Ego wasn't a part of it....enjoyment for both of us was what mattered.