Orgasm

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2008
Orgasm
4
Mon, 06-30-2008 - 10:04pm

Hi..I am a 40yr old who is embarrassed to say that I have never in my sexual life experienced an orgam.I have always had to fake them. I don't like doing this, but don't like telling my partner. The last r/ship I was in and

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
In reply to: monarch_butterfly
Mon, 06-30-2008 - 11:25pm

If you are with the right person it wont matter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
In reply to: monarch_butterfly
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 7:55am

Welcome to the board, monarch_butterfly.

Sorry to hear you were abused. The trauma of that could affect your ability to have an orgasm because your mind is your largest sexual organ. Have you had counseling to work through those issues? If not, that might be a good place to start.

It's also possible that the abuse has nothing to do with this. Many women have difficulty reaching orgasm, and about 80% do not have orgasms through vaginal penetration alone. Having the right kind of stimulation is one ingredient, having your mindset in the right place is another ingredient. Choosing the right partner, having the right setting, feeling good about yourself .... all of these things are ingredients also.

Being able to masturbate to orgasm is an excellent way to get to know your own body. You'll learn the types of stimulation you need, the kind of fantasies that work for you, and what an orgasm feels like. Once you know these things, it will help you in your partnered events.

When you fake an orgasm, you're letting both yourself and your partner down. Many men will take offense to this because it is a type of lie. Faking breaks down trust, and when a man discovers you have been faking, it can rock his own self-confidence.

Here are a few articles that you might find helpful:

Should Women Fake Orgasms?
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsunderstandmen/whathethinks/0,,answerman_8clw,00.html

Know Thyself: The Female Form 101
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexsolo/0,,traceycox_b6vtmjv3,00.html

Why can’t I have an Orgasm?
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexorgasm/0,,drruth_qr4q,00.html

Help! I’ve never had an orgasm
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexorgasm/0,,drpatti_216,00.html

You've taken a big step, posting here. This is a great place to get encouragement and to have your questions answered, so feel free to stick around and join in.

Keep us posted on how things are going.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
In reply to: monarch_butterfly
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 11:10am

It's possible that the abuse has a LOT to do with it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
In reply to: monarch_butterfly
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 12:06pm
My DW was in your boat. She was 38 before she experienced her first orgasm. We got together when she was 34 and I 35 and it took that long to overcome her mental blocks from oppressive parents and puritanical grandparents as well as a childhood rape. It took some years to get her to that point where she was comfortable with herself to have the orgasm. When we first had sex she would not even let me take her from behind. She had to "see" me to know that I was not going to do anything that would hurt her. Trust grew then I was allowed to have her from behind. She discovered that the more she let go the more enjoyment she got out of it.
When she started to let go and felt good and knew I was the one it happened. We were having sex in the floor of the living room and she got this look and became vocal. She told me not to stop and before too long she was grabbing me and convulsing. That was her first one and she has not looked back. She still has trouble getting herself over the edge occasionally but its now one of her goals to have one. She finds it helps when I am not only helping stimulate her but cheering her on to achieve that orgasm.
-Gerry-



-Gerry-