orgasm
Find a Conversation
orgasm
| Mon, 09-03-2007 - 4:46am |
i have a problem and need some advice. i don't have a orgasm when my boyfriend and i have sex. i enjoy every minute of it. i always go to the bathroom when he's done and use my toy. i don't tell him cause i don't wanna hurt his feelings and make him think he's doin somethin wrong. he does everything right. help please!!!

I would say take it easy. Its not absolutely a necessity to have an orgasm. If you are enjoying its perfectly OK. However, try these out:
1. Don't make it about "having orgasm". Make it about enjoying mutually.
2. Most of the women do ot orgasm through insertion. Ask him to try clitorial stimulation or vaginal stimulation with his hands.
3. Better still, if he is all for it, ask him to go down on you.
4. Try 69. Its lovely for simulataneous orgasm.
5. I have recently discovered the power of suckling. Ask him to suckle on your nipples (like a baby) and simultaneously give you a hand job. A sure way to orgasm for me!
6. But most improtant relax and enhjoy and let it come naturally.
Good luck!
Welcome to the board prettydesirablemom.
Why not bring the toy into the bedroom and include it during sex. It's great to use a vibrator during partner play, and he can enjoy the sensations as well.
Have you had orgasms with previous partners? Most women do not have orgasms during penetration, and it shouldn't hurt your BFs feelings if you don't. If he doesn't already understand that the female anatomy doesn't work like the guys, then refer him to www.the-clitoris.com for an education.
Hopefully he has a common goal with you -- that both of you enjoy sex and build a bond between the two of you during sex. If it's about his pleasure and ego, then chances are, you're never going to have an orgasm. He should want you to be just as satisfied as he is, and he should be mature enough to realize that your ability to have an orgasm isn't a direct reflection on his performance. He can *help* you have an orgasm, but ultimately, it's up to you whether or not you actually have an orgasm.
Your mind also plays a big role in your ability to have an orgasm. Personally, I wouldn't go to the bathroom and use a toy after sex. Sounds to me like your desire to have an orgasm is too important to you. Sex can still be very pleasurable without an orgasm, and you can masturbate on your own even when you have an active sex life with a partner. BUT, to get up and go to the bathroom after sex to masturbate is what I would find insulting (if I was him). Just because he's had an orgasm, doesn't mean the sexual encounter has to be over. He can continue to provide you manual or oral stimulation, or use a toy to help you reach an orgasm. You are clearly making a statement that says "I'm not satisfied" the way you are handling things. I would suspect that if he discovered what you are doing, that is what would be hurtful to him. Most guys love to see a woman provide her own stimulation during sex. It's a major turn on for them, so whether you use your fingers or a vibe, don't be afraid to stimulate your clitoris during intercourse. If you're not comfortable touching yourself in front of him, how about whispering in his ear what you would like him to do to you.
follow me to
my partner in the siggy exchange
I agree with the others. The object of sexual activity isn't to have orgasms. If he's doing "everything right"......then the problem is yours, not his. You have to learn to concentrate on the pleasure, and NOT on whether or not you'll have an orgasm. When you make it a goal, it's NOT going to happen.
Having orgasms doesn't make sex good...... having good sex makes orgasms happen. If you're not concentrating on the pleasure you're having, you'll never have the orgasms.....