Orgasm: Bet you can't work this one out.
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| Sat, 04-21-2007 - 5:03pm |
Hi everyone, Hope you're doing well. Here is my little story... And please please don't think I'm winging or anything like that, I'm incredibly happy with my sex life, love life etc etc, I just thought I'd try and get some other people's views on my 'problem'. Sorry about the essay length, I tend to babble. :)But please do read. I'd be really interested in what you think.
Okay, so here it goes. I've never had an orgasm, never, but before you tell me the usual advice let me tell you a few things...
- I do masturbate - and yes, I enjoy it. lots. So I know the whole 'self pleasure' talk and still can't get it.
- I'm not insecure about my body. Well, of course I am about little things, everyone is! :) it's natural. But what I mean is I'm not insecure about it when it comes to sexual things because my long term boyfriend makes me feel so confident that I never worry 'oh do my thighs look fat?' during that kind of thing. I'm happy whether I'm in an old shirt, completely clothed or stark naked and in the middle of nowhere! So I'm not worrying about that.
- I’m in a really lovely relationship where I can actually talk to him about anything and feel secure. That kind of love that’s passionate and exciting and caring, but you could also talk about things like taxes and buying central heating systems and things like that and it wouldn’t crush the romance. So I’m not panicking about that.
- I've had lots of sex, and please don't think I'm trying to boast or something, I'm just trying to give a clear picture. So I've had lots, both in a lovey-dovey, completely adoring, heart swelling, smiley way and a frenzied interesting passionate 'right here, right now' way, and a lot of things in between. So it's not either boredom or not being relaxed... I've even had sex during massages, in the shower (btw- would really recommend to anyone who hasn't tried), after lavender scented baths etc etc.
- I've tried the mechanical option, I've used old jessica rabbit till she's blue in the face, I've used simple clitoral stimulator's (another note - very fun, everyone should try!) with no end pow! so to speak.
- We/I use lubricant, or I'm incredibly wet, but it's never uncomfortable in case you thought that was it. :) aha, getting tricky huh?
- I get really turned on, I'm not asexual or not turned on by my partner or anything like that, in fact from conversations I’ve had it seems I get far more aroused far more frequently than a lot of my friends. I read saucy books, have watched porn (although the latter is more because it's funny than sexy), basically I get that fire in my nether-regions and want raunchiness bad. And no, before you think it, it’s not forced, sometimes I wish I didn’t get so horny, it comes at some very inopportune times!
- I’ve explored myself, and my partner has explored me, lots and lots and I love it! I like trying new things, new positions, new ‘places’ and new places, mixtures of kissing, touching, emotions, speeds, accessories etc etc. So it’s not that we’ve been doing missionary all our lives and not got anywhere.
- I am feeling it. I feel some things very sensitively, so sensitively that I sometimes have involuntary spasms of pleasure, for example when masturbating or when my partner gives me oral. But, before you say it, we’ve also been really careful and delicate and slow and soft and all nice. So we’ve accommodated for that too. (But admit it, sometimes only rough and hard will do!)
- Just in case you hadn’t guess by now, I definitely know what a clit is and where my g spot is, they are both very fun!
… SO, what actually happens with me? Well let’s give head (*chuckles at pun*) as the example. Also note it’s very very similar, almost identical, when I masturbate. When my partner gives me head there’s lots of lovely build up, kissing everywhere, getting really turned on, lots of exploring, pleasuring both of us, I really really want it (oh lord, I’m getting all hot just thinking about it!) and so he starts, and at first it feels tickly and then suddenly it’s like wow, overflow of gorgeous, luxurious feelings, yum yum yum, waves of heat, spasm reactions, feels absolutely delicious, that’s the only word for it! I can feel every movement of his tongue, I’ll direct him if I want something in particular, he’ll vary speeds, texture, hardness etc according to my reactions and it just feels completely wow. And my head’s going wild and my pelvis starts thrusting and moving about and I can��t really control my body. Amazing erotic images flood over my mind and everything is a bit blurry. And basically wow. I get this rippling feeling and then it’s like a build up, like each wave of heat is putting another block on this tower of pleasure, and it’s like… “wow”… “wow”….”wow”… “oh my god wow”… “wow”…. and then… “Stop!” And it is just overwhelming and I literally, sometimes involuntary, and without realising, push him away with my hand or thighs so he stops. It feels like it’s just too much and it’s like it is painful, but not in a hurting way but just it’s excruciating. And before you say it, I’ve tried not stopping him, I’ve tried consciously trying to relax, consciously trying to get through it, being tied up to stop myself stopping him, I’ve tried slowing down when it gets near that and taking it slower, I’ve tried fantasying, I’ve tried penetration when the pleasure mounts up, vibrators, using other sensations like smacking and massaging my breast to ‘distract’ me, moaning loudly, breathing heavily (although both of those are normally involuntary), trying not to make a sound etc etc feels like I’ve tried everything! Even if I do try really really hard to get over the excruciating bit then the pleasure just seems to die off and then all that emotion and wowness is just… gone.
…And before you say it, as contrary to this message suggests, I’m not actually obsessed with it, it doesn’t really affect me because I enjoy sex and all that comes with it so much, I enjoy my partner and all the wonderful things he can do, so I’m not really all hung up on it and that’s causing it either!
… So, there we go, here’s my story. Any advice would be really really appreciated as you can probably tell! I hope you are all really really lucky in your love, lives and orgasms! Lots of love x x x x

Wow...this really was an essay...but I can understand you wanting to explain everything as not to get the usual "Do you stimulate your clitoris?" answers. However, I really don't know what to tell you. I do get how you say sometimes you "involuntarily" push him away when it starts to feel super-intensely good...But you said you were tied up before so you couldn't do that and it still didn't happen for you....
You said you DO get spasms and whatnot...that's close to an orgasm... Man, I just have no advice or thoughts at all...Sorry! At least you're not hung up on it so it affects your relationship and sex life. Keep enjoying sex and maybe someday it'll just happen and surprise you.
From what you've said, it sounds to me like you are having an orgasm, but then you suddenly get too sensitive to continue on to have a second one. I mean, you're talking about waves of heat and going wild and being out of control and wow, that sounds exactly like an orgasm. I can't even imagine what you want beyond that, it sounds like it's already very intense for you.
How do you feel when you stop, are you feeling satisfied, or are you feeling frustrated when it's over?
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That's exactly what it feels like right after I get off....
Welcome to the board kandinsky. Great description of everything that is going on with you!
It does sound like you are having an orgasm, just not a "mind blowing" orgasm. The fact that you have the build up, the ride (the wow, wow, wow, that feels so good feeling), and then the release (stop touching me, I'm too sensitive) surely seems like an orgasm to me. I sometimes have these types of orgasm. I guess it's easiest to say that we don't have mind blowing orgasms all the time! Also, I have that type of orgasm mostly during manual or oral stimulation of my clitoris. The mind blowing orgasms occur more often with combined efforts. Try some of these:
-Clitoral stimulation during intercourse, manual or with a vibrator.
-During oral, add a vibrator or dildo for added stimulation and penetration
-Concentrate on g-spot and clitoral stimulation at the same time. This is great with a g-spot vibe and oral combine. Try placing pillows (about 2) under your butt so that your body is positioned a little differently.
The difference between the mind blowing orgasm is that you ride that wave a little longer. For me, the spasms (contractions) are not as rapid, but hold much longer with a much more significant release. There is a final release, followed by a fairly long clenching of the muscles. Also, with this type of orgasm, I don't feel the need to have him stop. My clitoris does not feel as sensitive. This often happens during intercourse, and sends DH over the edge, so he becomes spent. It's a very satisfying and fulfilling orgasm. A great added benefit is that since my clitoris does not become overly sensitive, it is easy to continue (or move on to other activities) and have multiple orgasms. I have had this type of orgasm during romantic, loving encounters, and during down & dirty sex -- so it can happen either way.
The kind of orgasm that you are having, I describe as the kind that "sneaks up on me". The mind blowing type of orgasm, I get totally lost in. I think you have to capture that type of orgasm -- it doesn't just happen. Here's a suggestion....when you feel that build up, getting very near becoming overly sensitive feeling approaching -- STOP the activity. Move on to a combination (like IC with clitoral stimulation) and see if it doesn't produce an orgasm with a different feel.
You SHOULD know when you are, but then if you're waiting for something like you read in romance novels, or see in movies....you're waiting for the earth to move, screaming and yelling, etc. That's NOT the way it usually happens. It's simply as you describe it, the feeling building and building......and then it's done.
The most earth shattering ones I've ever had came from a combination of oral clitoral stimulation at the same time as digital "g" spot stimulation....and that only a few times. Everything has to be JUST right, including your mindset.
Just try to enjoy what's happening. Looking for MORE is spoiling it.