orgasm troubles
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| Sun, 05-20-2007 - 12:15am |
hey everyone. im kinda confused about what is going on...my boyfriend has pretty much always been able to give me an orgasm, but recently its like i just cant! he is upset about it and convinced that he is the reason. ive told him that that is ridiculous; that it is not at all his fault! and its not, like it feels amazing, just like it always has, but for the last week or two its like i am ALMOST there...like i could have one at any second, but just CANT! its frustrating. i have no idea whats going on!
im sure you all can imagine how terrible it is to see the man you love completely jumbled because he thinks he cant please you. (again, just want to stress...it feels INCREDIBLE, so its not him...)
if you have any comments/advice i would appreciate them! thanks! :)

YOu need to explain the facts of life to your b/f! He doesn't MAKE you have orgasms. Anymore than you MAKE him get an erection or ejaculate. As you said, it is NOT him, it's you, and it means absolutely nothing. Things like this happen, and his carrying on about it makes it worse. It's no different than if he had PE or ED. If it happened to him once, and then you nagged him constantly about it, guess what, it will happen again.
EVERYONE, male and female, has occasional "problems". It means nothing. You're tired, you're stressed for some reason (and his whining doesn't help THAT!) your hormones are fluctuating......whatever. It happens to everyone.
Unlike men, women do not HAVE to have orgasms to enjoy sex. We don't get blue balls. Sex is wonderful without orgasms, and orgasms are the icing on the cake, not the cake itself. Orgasms are NOT proof of pleasure! Women can have orgasms with men they don't even like very well. Orgasms are not proof of "love", either.
Tell HIM to get over it. It will get better faster if he's not driving you crazy about it. The more you worry about it, because he's worrying you, the longer it will keep up. The sooner he gets off it, the sooner things will return to normal. Tell him to do what he's supposed to do, and you'll enjoy it...and if he stops worrying YOU about it, it'll be just fine.
I understand how you feel.
I have had this problem as well.
But I am pregnant so I think that was the
reason. DH did not nag me about it he understood
and believed me when I said it wasn't him.
Most men do get frustrated because they want to please
you soooo bad. What helped. Oral helped a lot! WOT helped a lot.
Letting him get me going first with out touching him
made a difference. I don't know what's going on in your
head but if you are worried about not getting off and how
he will react this is devastating for O's!
Try setting the atmosphere differently with candles music.
Dress up make your self feel sexy. Change things up a little
routine sex can cause this problem. Not saying it's routine for
you but if it is then maybe that's what needs a change.
You could always try getting your self in the mood and then
let him finish you that has also worked for me.
Just some ideas
Kareese.
Sounds to me like both of you are concentrating a bit too much on your orgasm. That sets a recipe for disaster.
I agree that changing the routine might help. Get your head into a fantasy if you can, or have sex in a different place/way than normal.
If you don't orgasm, let him know you still enjoyed yourself -- before he has a chance to show concern or you disappointment. The disappointment is really in yourself, so he can't take that on, and you shouldn't dwell on it. I know that can be easier said than done!
You have gotten a lot of good suggestions from the other members, but here are a couple more.
-Offer him a quickie -- where both of you know that you are not expecting to get off. The next time you have sex, think about how hot the quickie was and start your fantasy from there.
-Concentrate on only one thing -- like "being wet". (Anything but the orgasm.) That will keep your mind in the event, but not on the orgasm. If you find yourself getting more wet, then it will feed your arousal and enjoyment.
Good luck, and keep us posted.
my partner in the siggy exchange