other message boards ignore me, so....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
other message boards ignore me, so....
9
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 5:11pm

i'm posting here...sorry

i don't have many friends, so i pretty much only want to hang out with my bf. the 2 friends i like hanging out with i talk to regularly and we'll go rollerblading or something, but we don't really go out at night.

my bf has a lot of friends and can only really hang out with them weekends. i'm fine with this, i do get nervous that something will happen, but i'm glad that he hangs out and i know that he can't just hang out with me all the time and needs time out to be social (we're kinda opposites when it comes to that).

problem is that everytime he goes out whether i'm at my apt or at home (we're in college still) i get upset/depressed/sometimes cry. i don't take it out on him anymore b/c it's not his fault.

i almost never go out b/c i have no money and b/c i go home almost every weekend and the weekends i don't, friday nights i can't go out b/c i have volunteering really early saturday.

what should i do to be more positive and happy about him going out and not so alone when he does? :-/

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 5:27pm

How about getting involved in something else, make some friends or the friends you do have, make plans with them even if it's just to rent a movie and watch with them

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 5:35pm

yeah..i had asked a friend to hang out, but she didn't get the message until too late.

i was scrapbooking, cleaning, baking and still was sad.

i do depend on him a lot lately b/c life has been rough and he's there for me a lot, so when he's not there i kinda break down. when he's there i can kinda just leave the rough stuff behind fo ra while and be with him. i do have to open up to him asap about things b/c i'm just getting way too overwhelmed which is probably another reason i reacted the way i did friday.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 6:21pm

Everyone needs some breathing room. Perhaps he can pick just one night on the weekend to go out with his friends. It sounds like Friday is a good time for that, as you have early morning obligations on Saturday.

Tish really hit it on the head, it does sound as if you have become too dependent on him. If you are doing things you enjoy, but you are still feeling sad, depressed, etc., then there has to be something going on there with you. Perhaps you are having some problems with depression that you should discuss with your doctor. Or perhaps you feel you can't totally trust your BF. Talking with him and setting healthy boundaries can help there.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 6:23pm

It's good that he's there for you but you also have to learn how to handle rough spots in your life on your own without having to depend on someone always being there.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2006
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 7:40pm

I agree with the others that it sounds like you're getting too dependent on him.

Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 7:49pm

i've always hid my problems and try to deal with them on my own instead of talk ing about emotions.
the problem isn't something that i can get rid of. i have to get to a point where i'm overwhelmed which happened memorial day weekend before i talk a lot about something.

i don't depend on him or friends to solve my problems. i depend on them to let me to forget about my problems for a while since i thnk about it all the time.

someday i know i'll need counseling and probably drugs, but for now i'm not doing that

thanks for listening everyone. i really appreciate it

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 8:11pm

some of things we do have in common, school i have troubles in, but now i'm out for the summer and working full time, so that's nice. i'm in some troubles financially, but now that i'm working i don't have problems, i just can't seem to get ahead b/c of school bills and everything, i've lost most of my friends, but that's mostly my doing. i had a lot of problems with me being the only one putting any effort into it. i even told them, but nothing would be done. so i finally gave up on those friendships and only do something if they are the ones to put work into it now and don't consider them friends. i'm not one to hang out with people i odn't like, so i've gotten over them. it's just tought since we were such great friends freshman year.

my bf has helped me to move on from them. he always encourages me to go out and call my friends and everything. he tells me everyone always wonders where i am when he goes out. some of his friends call me and we'll hang out. i've made some great friends and the people at work a great and i volunteer every other saturday.

if i'm here a weekend, he'll hang out with me. but since i'm gone almost every weekend i think that upsets me some b/c it's the only time we can spend time together and actually go out.

i have been to other message boards! lol. i went to a relationship one for this and no one responded. i also went to a cancer support one and i got one response. so i gave up on those and just come here b/c there are so many people that help with advice and things.

the main thing is that my mom was diagnosed with cancer right before thanksgiving, started a treatment and it didn't work. she started chemo 2 weeks ago and memorial day weekend she couldn't do anything so i was mom of the household and was doing everything. i don't mind it, it's just rough when my mom is in the other room hurting so much. my mom tells me better versions of things, but i hear worse versions from my dad. and i just don't know what to do really. it's almost nice that i get to leave home to come back to school for the weekdays so i can get a break for a while.

and on top of it my brother is graduating so of course i'm expected to come home all the time asap to do things. my brother toldl me that my mom was mad that i stayed at my apt for a few hours instaed of coming home for right away. i'm happy for my brother, it's just a lot going on right now. this past weekend was graduation, next weekend is his open house, the next weekend is fathers day, the next weekend there are some things going on or else i'm probably going to a big country concert, then the next weekend is my only weekend without plans, but i still have volunteering which i love, but at least i'll have a little break. the rest of the summer won't be so busy and if i go home we'll just have crops to do with isn't a big deal. just so much to do and worry about these days i've gotten overwhelmed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 9:01pm
It does appear that you have a lot on your plate. Sorry to hear about your mom too. What about the possibility of him going home with you some of those weekends?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 11:55pm
yeah, he's coming home for a while this weekend for my brothers open house. not sure if he's just showing up to it or actually coming for a while. i think he's scared of my house b/c he thinks my dad hates him. especially now that we're going to live together next year! but that needs to change, i've been bugging him about it, but maybe i need to make it more clear that it's important to me. he also feels weird b/c of what's going on with my mom and my family doesn't really acknowledge it much...whole family = bad at talking about emotions and stuff