Other sexual partners.......reasons why?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Other sexual partners.......reasons why?
72
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 10:20am

For those in a long term relationship


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 10:36am

I like the way you politely worded that, lol. Maybe its my nature as a boss or businessman, but my point blank question for married threesome styles is why did they get married in the first place?

As always, not knocking anything, just wondering what the connection is.

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 11:03am
If you think about it, it has to be sexual boredom. Sex as a couple just isnt getting it any more, so they must need a little taboo or thrill. Could be they were both really used to lots of sexual partners when they were single, and miss the variety. Not my cup of tea, but to each their own.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 12:07pm
My reply to your post, "Other sexual partners....Why?" I would like to try something different just to see if there is anything to it. Think for now it would add some spark to my marriage that I don't currently possess. The unknowing factor of trust, faith, thrill, etc. would be reminiscent of the early days of marriage. The added spark would be the challenge to reinforce those traits that might be in jeopardy if an open marriage existed. The excitement that existed during the process leading up to an engagement and early years of experimenting in the marriage is what I would be looking for. If negative factors started to develop then it would be time to switch back to the old traditional ways so prevalent in the other replies posted.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 1:56pm
Risky experiment though. Looking for that "spark" outside the marriage comes with risks that might not allow you to go back to the tried and true of the marriage you knew before.
I feel that the spark in marriage will ALWAYS be there if you make sure it never goes out in the first place.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 2:28pm

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 2:33pm

Oh Para, you know me,


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2005
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 2:40pm

My friend is polyamorous (see http://www.lovemore.com/section/faq for a description of terms and meanings), and has some friends that have been polyamorous for many years. These definitions are very varied (swinging, poly, etc.), which is why I put the link above.

Anyway, their explanation was that they found out a long time ago that they were capable of loving more than one other person at the same time. When I heard that, I was kind of envious, thinking perhaps I wasn't evolved as much as a person as they were. I thought that perhaps that's something that comes with an even more open mind than I seem to think I have...

Recently, these acquaintances have been thinking about not being polyamorous anymore, and I haven't been able to talk with them to find out why. But I'd be very curious to. Have they become less openminded? Is it something else? Have they decided after all these years that it's not for them, or have they changed in some other way?

I guess I have a lot more questions than answers to this one.

Best,

E :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2005
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 4:23pm

Hmm...I'm kind of surprised that I'm one of the few actual swingers to post!

I consider myself a newbie swinger with just a couple of partner swapping experiences. For my boyfriend and I, it's a lot about curiousity. We are both very sexual people and while we are quite content with each other, we were at first curious about having a 3some. That eventually lead us to swinging, which for us means engaging in foreplay and/or sex with another person, but we're in the room together. We both find the sight of each other having sex with another person to be very arousing. We are still exploring this lifestyle, so things may change after the "newness" wears off - but that's the "why" for right now.

For us, swapping (or swinging) is about sex and physical pleasure. We don't believe in polyamorous relationships and we would not consider having live-in swinger situation. We belong to a swinger's group and when the group has a party - we attend and enjoy the experiences with other couples. At the end of the day, we go home to each other and we are completely satisfied with each other. We both agree that if one said no more swinging - that would be completely understood and respected. So for us, it's not a "deal breaker".

Hope that helps explain at least 1 couple's mentality.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 4:49pm

You guys (not *just* you, tish) remind me of a bunch of ol' grannies sitting around the table with their scones and jam and grumbling about the youth of today or something! LOL!

Let me make this clear, my partner and I have NOT had a threesome, and especially would not want an open marriage; so I'm not sure whether or not my opinion is valid. We have, however, had some discussion about this subject and my partner expressed a strong interest in inviting another woman into the bedroom at some suitable point in the future. After further discussion, we have shelved these plans because we aren't 100% comfortable with some of the finer points at this time.

This is not about us having a boring sex life. Quite the contrary, I think that it's part of having an exciting sex life for us. Although we have had problems with frequency of sex in the recent past, when things are going well the sex and the intimacy is very, very good. However, the idea of sharing the bed with another person is intrigueing. Being a guy, I guess that the idea of being with another woman holds a certain physical appeal. I also find the fantasy of seeing my partner with another woman to be attractive and exciting. My partner has been with another woman in the past, so she knows what it would be about and the idea of making love to another woman holds a certain appeal to her too. I believe that she also enjoys the idea of her and another woman doing stuff to me too to be exciting. I think that part of the appeal is doing something new - it's right in there with things like trying a new position, using a sex toy for the first time, wearing sexy lingerie or giving a BJ for the first time. Admittedly it is a BIG step up from something like that, and that's why we haven't just dashed out and done it. But definitely part of the appeal of a threesome is similar.

Yes, we are married (or at least we will be shortly). I see no conflict with the marriage vows there. Neither of us are particularly religious and provided that we are looking after each other first and foremost I can't see the problem with mutually choosing to have someone-else in the bedroom with us.

The person that we'd involve? There are a couple of people that have been suggested. Single females that we have met socially and distantly through work before, but have we have no or little day-to-day contact with them. This is no question about them being close acquaintances. That wouldn't happen.

The risk? Well, it IS a gamble. But so is making new platonic friends of the opposite sex like everyone does normally anyway. There is always a chance that any "friendship" can lead to attraction. Sure, throwing sex and the intimacy that brings into the mix makes it more complicated, but that's why we are being cautious.

Will it ever happen? Not sure. I think that it's possible given the right set of circumstances but it's not something that we're actively pursuing at this point in time.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 5:00pm

Well, I'm not a "granny" yet, Westie, so please, don't date me. LOL! And my DH definitely isn't a granny and he's right next to us at that table.

But I can speak from many long years of experience in marriage and what it takes to maintain that in such a hostile, anti-marriage environment.

I guess we'll have to see who's still together 30 yrs. from now.....those who chose that open lifestyle or those who chose monogamy. I will be curious to find out.




Edited 2/21/2006 5:24 pm ET by katmandoo2001

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