Other sexual partners.......reasons why?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Other sexual partners.......reasons why?
72
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 10:20am

For those in a long term relationship


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 5:40pm

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 5:56pm
Someone posted that it was out of curiosity, and seeking physical pleasure as the reasons they swing.. May be... But they cant get the same physical pleasure from each other?..I mean an orgasm is an orgasm right?.. I still think it has to do with wanting variety and to avoid boredom.. Just my opinion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 6:04pm

>>I guess we'll have to see who's still together 30 yrs. from now.....<<

I'd be curious too. Interesting how this topic seems to throw up some very polarised viewpoints.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 6:12pm

>>...but I know if I wanted more than one sex partner, I wouldn't have got married. For me, sex in a marriage belongs to the married couple only...<<

Interesting. I'm quite happy with the one partner that I have. If I don't ever have sex with anyone-else then I'm fine with that too. But the idea of a threesome is appealing and if it worked in reality then I'd be OK with that too. We probably won't ever do it so as I said before, my opinion on this topic may not be valid compared to those people that have done it. If it does happen it has to be, first and foremost, about us. It has to be about us rather than something equal between the three people involved. The third person would remain the "outsider" in several ways. I'm not sure that I can explain it very well. Provided it still remains about "us" then I don't feel that it matters whether or not we are married or just de-facto or whatever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2005
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 12:16am
Personally it was nothing I ever thought about before. I was and still am very old fashioned and quiet, so is my husband. When he revealed this fantasy to me, I was surprised but it turned into something that I became interested in too. We have a wonderful relationship, good communication, great sex, and are eachother's best friends. We don't know if it would ever become a reality for us but are both open to the possibility of it happening one day. It is not something that we absolutely need to do but rather something that's exciting and fun. There is absolutely no lack of excitement in our sex life. After reading this post, I asked my husband what he thought. His answer was very simple. It is something he enjoys for its simple pleasure. He says its like asking someone why they're gay, or why they have a foot fetish. There is no explanation, it is just there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 10:40am
"He says its like asking someone why they're gay, or why they have a foot fetish. There is no explanation, it is just there."
In plain English he is saying he wants the experience, excitement of having sex with another female. Are you OK with that?
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 11:17am

I think it's like asking ANY child "do you want some chocolate cake, or do you want to eat your broccoli sprouts." LOL!

Human nature will always urge us to do the things that are easy, immediately gratifying, exciting, new and fun as opposed to what's really in our best interest or most beneficial for us and our partner.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2005
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 3:11pm

You know, I think it's a little sad that the question started out as what seemed like genuine curiousity and has apparently turned into some people condeming the lifestyle as "not good for the relationship."

While swinging might not be right for you or for your relationship, that doesn't meet that it can't be right for someone elses.

I think perhaps the reason I was the only one to admit swinging here was because of the backlash that "my kind" generally receives from others. It's sad that we can't accept other people's lifestyles without judging. But that's a whole other topic for another day I suppose.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2005
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 3:18pm

I posted that. And I believe what I said was that we started out of curiousity and have continued because we are sexual people who enjoy sexual experiences, including swinging. If someone wants to have sex in more than one position, does that mean they are switching positions out of boredom? Not necessarily.

I will agree that variety is the spice of life. Swinging is fun and it works for us now, but if my partner didn't want to do it anymore - I'd be 100% okay with that. If he's the last person I ever have sex with, I will be more than satisfied and fulfilled.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 3:34pm

This is a difference of opinion, nothing more. But we ALL make judgements when deciding how we will live our lives, don't we? YOU included.

On the flip side, those of us who are monogamous by choice have been treated to insinuations of how narrow-minded, rigid and inhibited we are because we don't care to include others in our sexual relationships. Fine. That's another opinion I don't share. I can live with that.

I haven't condemned anyone's choices, though, I just stated a personal opinion about this one in particular. And yes, we are free to voice our opinions about ALL the choices set before us on this board. It isn't the Open Relationship board after all, so there will be other thoughts on the subject. You should expect to read some dissenting opinions about the lifestyle.

So, speaking for myself, this lifestyle choice is NOT good for a marriage. However, I would never attempt to speak for you or anyone else who has chosen it. That was your choice to make.

And you know, if you simply aren't open to reading other opinions that don't reflect your own, why not utilize the ignore button? That's always an option.




Edited 2/23/2006 3:41 pm ET by katmandoo2001

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