Other sexual partners.......reasons why?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Other sexual partners.......reasons why?
72
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 10:20am

For those in a long term relationship


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2005
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 3:45pm

You're right. If I don't agree - I can ignore, but I don't have to. I can post my disagreement! And that's all I was doing. Unfortunately, my reply went to you, but it wasn't solely for you. I also think other posters were judgemental on the other side - by calling monogamous people old fashioned or whatever.

I think it's good to have differing opinions, I just there's a way to do it without being judgemental. And I don't think my posts made any judgement calls on anyone else's lifestyle. I guess I'm just in the mindset today where I wish more people were nice to each other! Can we all have a group hug now? :-)




Edited 2/23/2006 3:47 pm ET by bleugoddess
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 3:53pm

Well, I'll agree with the group hug idea. But you CAN judge choices without judging the person making the choices! And there is a difference.

I don't think there's any reason why we can't accept all comments in the spirit they are given on this board though, whether you agree with them or the delivery or not. We're all simply sharing our individual thoughts, perceptions and opinions.




Edited 2/23/2006 6:00 pm ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2005
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 1:35pm
You may be surprised to know that his fantasy is not to have sex with another female but for me to have sex with another male. If it never happens, that's fine with us. We will continue to have our wonderful relationship with wonderful sex. Every individual person and couple, for that matter, is unique in their own way. There are many things that other couples do that I wouldn't. I don't necessarily have an opinion on it. It's just something that I wouldn't do.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 2:11pm
Oh, but you do have an opinion about things other couples do that you wouldn't though. Otherwise, you wouldn't have made the decision not to do them. You just choose not to voice that opinion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 5:55pm
You stated, "But they (meaning Swingers) cant get the same physical pleasure from each other (meaning married couple)?" My thought on this is; if the spouse isn't interested anymore in physical pleasure what is the other one supposed to do? I don’t want to dry up and blow away, live like brother and sister or just die without any additional physical pleasure. This is not what married humans are meant to do, live without physical pleasure. What is one supposed to do in a one sided marriage for sexual satisfaction?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2004
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 6:18pm

bleugoddess,
I hope you continue to freely admit to being in the swinging lifestyle. Whether others want to admit it or not, people can be very judgemental about lifestyles that differ from theirs. It's one thing to say "it would not be good for my marriage" vs. saying "it's not good for marriage". This insinuates that it's not good for ANY marriage, which clearly is untrue because there are many healthy marriages that do engage in this and other activities.

Things change as time goes by. It wasn't that long ago that the vast majority of people thought masturbation was wrong and evil. Anyone admitting to masturbating was widely hailed as being abnormal, similar to today's views of the swinging lifestyle.

The same is true for vibrators. 20 years ago, you were thought to be a sexual addict if you even thought of using a vibrator.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 8:25pm
I thought I said they "can" get physical pleasure from each other... If my marriage was one sided as far as sex goes, well mine turned out to be that way. It was like living with my sister.. This and a couple other reasons is why I left. I didnt think an affair was the way to go and my then wife would never have gone for swinging.
Avatar for gigi_1000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 9:35pm
Tish, that was an interesting set of questions about open marriages, and it developed into a hot discussion. I think that the way we are individually "wired" affects how we regard our marriages. I was fortunate to have met and married a very sexual woman who was extremely compatible with me. We are both "wired" to accept only monogamy. Neither of us feels deprived for never have had another partner. We both cherish the fact that we are true to just one another. What anyone else desires to do in their marriage is their choice. It is just not our choice. It has worked well for us for over 50 years and counting. And sex is still a vital part of our loving marriage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sat, 02-25-2006 - 1:55am

>>Tish, that was an interesting set of questions about open marriages, and it developed into a hot discussion. <<

I'd agree with that!

>> I think that the way we are individually "wired" affects how we regard our marriages.<<

I'd agree with that too. I must admit that I'm a little surprised at how some are convinced that a swinging lifestyle is "bad" or that there *must* be something missing in a relationship to want a swinging lifestyle (No, I'm not particularly picking on you, kat ). Note that using the term "swinging" makes me feel uneasy. We certainly don't consider ourselves "swingers" and would never have an "open" marriage.

I guess that it is a matter of people being wired differently and feeling quite different about the issue. I feel that, generally speaking, our relationship is pretty good and getting better. I don't feel that anything is "missing". To me; I can see a threesome being a potentially workable concept and something that my partner and I can come to a mutually beneficial agreement over. Yet to others it clearly isn't something that they could or would ever consider. Interesting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Sat, 02-25-2006 - 9:18am
Tish, I personally could never understand it, because as I said, I can't imagine anything more of a turn-off than watching the man I love have sex with another woman. I do realize that SOME people can and do pull it off and it CAN enhance their union, however, that is NOT what I have seen actually happen. In most of the situations that I have witnessed from the time I was younger up until now, I have to say that the MAIN reason why these couples invited another party into their bedroom was because one of them wanted to have sex with another women/man plain and simple. The relationships were never the same after the threesome and caused so much turmoil(some for years) while they tried to recover from the experience. For some, it's hard not to think that your partner is not happy/satisfied if they suggest bringing another party into your bedroom, or opening the marriage--because that's the very nature of beast. I have never personally met a man that actually wanted to share me with another man, if anything, it was the opposite. So, although some people may have other reasons, from what I've seen, the most common reason was that they were not happy/satisfied/content with their current situation.
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )

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