Other sexual partners.......reasons why?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Other sexual partners.......reasons why?
72
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 10:20am

For those in a long term relationship


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sat, 02-25-2006 - 9:30am

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sat, 02-25-2006 - 9:33pm
Yup. There is something to be said for a controversial, yet civilised, exchange of views as opposed to an all-out slanging match! :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sat, 02-25-2006 - 9:38pm

>>I have to say that the MAIN reason why these couples invited another party into their bedroom was because one of them wanted to have sex with another women/man plain and simple. <<

Perhaps that's the main difference between the threesomes that work and the ones that don't work? Perhaps in the ones that work it is mutual agreement and interest from the partners, whereas ones that don't one are one sided and it is only one person that wants to introduce a third person?

Not a strongly held opinion, just a random thought more than anything...

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-25-2006 - 10:25pm
Exactamente, Rain.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-25-2006 - 10:31pm
Yes, and I'm sure there are all kinds of defintions for what a "healthy marriage" is, too. What one couple may believe is healthy and beneficial will obviously differ from what another may believe. This thread is good evidence of that. And as I stated before....we judge choices all the time. Doesn't mean I am condemning the person making that choice though.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
Sat, 02-25-2006 - 11:53pm

We have been married 18 years and I add others to my sex life, DW and I had a one-year separation 3-4 years ago and she went back to the boyfriend she had had before me, and I went to a woman that I knew in highschool. After a year DW & I got back together for financial reasons. I don't know whether she is still having sex with the BF, but she still sees him and is usually (but not always) open about it. Sometimes it is in our home, othertimes his home (he is married) and other times ?????

I'm still seeing my GF but we are not intimate. She sees me because she lacks emotional involvement with a FWB lover who is controlling and shehas not clicked with anyone else in 3 years.

In the meantime I have met 3 women that I have a better emotional relationship with than I have with my wife. One is much older than me, and will not enter into physical intimacy beyond hugging & kissing YET because she has had 4 husbands and a companion marriage and simply does not trust her judgement or trust me.

Another is FWB but with emotional involvement both sides now, we can seldom see each other and both agreed to an open relationship. She now has another lover but says she would need more emotional involvement with him to make that exclusive. The man she married is no longer the man she needs in 2006.

My last (4th) partner is a widow, she is trying to get back into dating and I am just her 3rd male social contact that has meant anything...the first 2 she realized that she could have FWB with an emotional attachment BUT could not move forward into a close relationship YET with either of these two particular personalities. But she had married very young and now they have been good dating practice experiences.

I hope that answers "why".

Its not the taboo of it, I wasn't happy just having one sexual partner in part because our drives were so different.

Initially my partner was totally against it and won't do it, it was a deal breaker for me, so I just went & did it but became emotionally involved in something that started as FWB. The affair moved into the open & that caused us to split. She moved quickly to find someone anyway.

Big

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Sat, 02-25-2006 - 11:59pm
Sure, Westie, that could be, but I don't see what difference it makes. It could still be indicative that BOTH partners aren't happy/satisfied....and/or may even have an agenda of their own(future reciprocal threesome).
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 11:11am

Just want to put my 2 cents into this discussion,"Other sexual partners...reasons why?".

My MAIN reason for suggesting that another party be invited into our bedroom was to provide the spouse with the idea and techniques of how to play. That was my ONLY purpose.

She wasn’t even a good kisser and admits that her upbringing and teenage years wasn’t all that beneficial in producing an interest or appetite in sexual issues. It became obvious to me, after the honeymoon, that she had no experience and was not confidence with sex play or any aspect of a love affair. So I made an off the cuff remark early in our marriage about engaging a third person for some extra sensual activity. I was met with a resounding displeasure about my statement, that’s putting it mildly. Occasionally she still brings it up when the conversation gravitates towards our nonsexual (brother sister) relationship. She still holds that incident against me. I have always told her the reason for my thought but that’s doesn’t seem to matter. She admits her attraction to me was the perception that my outgoing personality could provide her with opportunities to met other individuals and a different way of life that was lacking in her lifestyle.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 5:05pm

Although its not something we do often, DW and I have enjoyed the occasional other partner or third party,

--


martinisnsushi - the two most important food groups!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2005
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 4:11pm

Thank you soooo much for actually GETTING what I was trying to say! :-)

And don't worry - I'm not ashamed of my swinging ways...so I'll continue to talk about out :-)

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