Other sexual partners.......reasons why?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Other sexual partners.......reasons why?
72
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 10:20am

For those in a long term relationship


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2005
Wed, 03-01-2006 - 1:20am
I couldn't agree with you more. The key to all of this happiness is good communication.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 12:48am

The Almighty invented sex and 'Man' invented marriage, I believe I am paraphrasing Voltaire here. I do not believe threesome / group sex is wrong in a marriage. Especially if it is done in agreement and within the boundries established by the couple. If done correctly it can be a relationshihp enhancing experience.

The draw to it is different for different people but for me it is the opportunity to experience a different type of pleasure by being at the center of attention.

At least for me who has participated in threesomes including variations of threesomes, it would not be a deal breaker for me but I can say the experiences that we have had, has strengthed our relationship.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 12:54am
I disagree with Voltaire's point of view. The Almighty created both sex AND marriage.


Edited 3/2/2006 1:12 am ET by katmandoo2001
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 2:18pm

Well, if you knew this about her before marriage or your commitment, why would you agree to marry? And why can't YOU teach her how to kiss, make love, etc? Why does anyone else need to be involved?

My DH was a virgin when we married, in terms of intercourse, and it took some time for us to get comfortable with one another, but with cooperation and love, it's become better than we could have ever predicted. No third party needed either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 4:23pm

In response to your post #45, directed towards me about; “Well, if you knew this about her before marriage or your commitment, why would you agree to marry?” This is a good question yet, I think you missed read my initial statement. I said, “It became obvious to me, after the honeymoon, that she had no experience and was not confidence with sex play or any aspect of a love affair.” The optimal phrase in my statement is “after the honeymoon”. I did not know before marriage about her inexperience; just respected her in what seem to be coyness in manners. I never had a clue about her innocence. Guess I was naïveté. She was also a virgin when we married.

Regarding your second point, “getting comfortable with one another” was not all that bad. We pretty much agree on almost everything, lots of compatibility. However sensual activities after the Honeymoon was typically met with a Victorian approach of surprise, discuss, and resistance to do what was considered by her as dirty conduct. Sexual desires was met with “good girls don’t do that”. She was raised on a farm and I thought she was a typical farm girl and knew all about life’s aspects. Her parents did not allow girls to be out side the house because that wasn’t lady like. However, she did livestock shows as a presenter but didn’t do much of the preparation of animals. I was mislead in my assumption about her demeanor and life experiences.

The third party aspect was introduced because I thought it would show her that sexual stuff was a natural tendency and typical human behavior. My MAIN reason for suggesting that another party be invited into our bedroom was to provide the spouse with the idea and techniques of how to play. That was my ONLY purpose.

Hope that answers your questions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 4:49pm
You might relay some facts to the little woman.. There are over 5 BILLION people on earth. That means there has been AT LEAST that many acts of love making...lol (obviously a lot more).. But the point is it is as natural as breathing. I think she is using her opinion and upbringing as an excuse for her insecurites. "Sex is dirty" is a decision... "Sex is good AND fun" is also a decision... Its just a matter of changing your mind... "change your thoughts and change your world." It really is that simple to muster up the courage to try it and see. If she had been a victim of sexual abuse, then it would be more complicated.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 5:09pm

I'm sorry, I DID miss that clarification about your discovery taking place "after the honeymoon."

However, I still don't understand how you can NOT discuss mutual expectations, desires, and sexual needs, as well as every other aspect of marriage, before marrying.

Did the subject ever come up? Did you ever question her expectations, feelings, etc.? Even if you weren't sexual before marriage, those ARE important considerations to discuss with a potential spouse.

I realize that most people are just too lovestruck, too infatuated, too everything, in a budding relationship to risk rocking the boat by tackling those serious topics, but when headed for the commitment of marriage, I would think they would at least attempt to do so.

And IMO, the only example you would be providing her with an introduction of a third party, would be THAT particular person's sexual ideas, tendencies, behavior's, etc. since we all differ. And I fail see what THAT would have to do with her! So, I would agree with her reaction.

My advice, for whatever it's worth, coming from first hand experience, would be marital counseling to help with communication and mutual understanding. It's really invaluable.




Edited 3/2/2006 5:14 pm ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
Sat, 03-04-2006 - 12:14am
Voltaire is correct and eloquently summarises why swinging / group sex is practiced. I believe the actual quote is, G*d created sex and priests created marriage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Sat, 03-04-2006 - 4:44am
Isnt there something about fornication in the Bible? Voltaire was just a man. Men are often wrong...lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2006
Sat, 03-04-2006 - 10:32am
Honestly, I am totally cool with swinging for any couple that it makes happy! If all people involves are happy and enjoying it, and no one feels hurt, that's great! And I'm sure there are many people that it works really well for. I am just WAY too much of a jealous hot-head to be able to do it successfully!

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