Other sexual partners.......reasons why?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Other sexual partners.......reasons why?
72
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 10:20am

For those in a long term relationship


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

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Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 3:32pm
Which is basically, all I said! So, why are my comments being labled judgemental and lectures, when you're saying essentially the same thing? Hmmmm. A little bias there on Wind's part perhaps?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 3:47pm

After all of these posts, guess I currently have a marriage of convenience. Don’t like that analogy yet out of necessity I ought to learn to live with it; I guess. I agree that when one gets married, “there is an assumption that sex will be part of the union”. That was also my assumption. However, I suppose the details are in the direct conversation between each party about sexual behavior and what is expected or desired. Its like reading the fine print in a contract, one usually doesn’t think about those things at the time or doesn’t want to indulge in just what the words really foretell. One doesn’t really want to take an unknown chance that a discussion about sex, sexual play or fantasies will go sour so it usually is not confronted. That was our problem. Even if we had talked about this subject and been receptive to each other’s wishes and desires, people change over time, so those things were left to chance. These subjects were never discussed and it was just a taboo. Looking back on it, I guess that’s where I or we went astray.

I couldn’t agree with you more about, as you say, “when one spouse could care less about the physical needs of the other it’s a red flag”. I now believe an innocent act or jester, in the relationship becomes something important to keep a mine’s eye on and closely monitor for any indicators of escalation that points toward a marriage is falling apart. Had I been suspicious enough to be that observant I might be a paranoid case by now. I wouldn’t know how to handle that situation as compared to what I have now. Guess I can now, just live with a no sex marriage and hope it will change for a better relationship. Anticipation is always a good sign as opposed to despair.

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