Overweight and Feeling Un-Sexy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
Overweight and Feeling Un-Sexy
12
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 12:27pm

Hello all,

Need some advice and sorry for the long posting. I have recently met someone (through an online match making service), we have been out twice and spoken on the phone a lot (we have even had phone sex). He is a very sexual person and has expressed interest in "hooking up" with me. I am attracted to him and that's not the problem. The problem is me, my ex-boyfriend of 7 years stopped wanting to have sex because of my weight (I was anorexic when we met and slowly over the years starting to put on weight - a bit too much in the end). We did not have sex for the last 2 years of our relationship and broke up about 3 years ago (so yes, it has been that long). Because of a medical condition it is hard for me to lose weight - I have found a program that is working and it is coming off slowly. I am terribly self conscious about it and nervous about seeing this new guy.

Do men notice this as much as we notice it about ourselves?
Should I just wait until I feel not so yukky about myself?
Any thoughts or experiences would help.
Thanks!

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Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 12:51pm

I think you need to stop worrying about it. You've been out twice and he knows what you look like and he apparently liked what he saw, so don't worry about revealing your body.

And don't compare this guy to the last, that's a mistake and it's unfair. IF your old BF had a problem with your weight, then that was his problem.

New guy, new start.

Have fun and play safe!

Avatar for luv5monkeys
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 1:47pm

After reading you post...about being anorexic...I am not sure dieting would be a good thing for you at all. Perhaps your current medical condition is tied to your anorexic history. Last year, I detoxed my body, took out my funky foods & my chronic illness of 30 years went poof!

Take extra special care of yourself & you will feel great about yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 2:19pm

My ex left me because he lost sexual interest in me. I was not overweight or thin, it was just his problem. We can never satisfy men.

Sometimes I wish I was fat to play with my big breasts and his penis. But I am not, so maybe you should see the positive side of being overweight, there are many men who fancy this sort of women.

He already knows you so you should feel great knowing that he still fancies you regardless of your weight.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2005
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 2:57pm
I know exactly how you feel. The funny thing is that I don't have a weight problem, but I was still very self-conscious about the way I looked for a long time. I learned that, instead of focusing on how my body looked, it helped me to focus on how it made me and my BF FEEL during sex. And because my body (and yours, too, I am sure) has the capacity to give and receive so much pleasure, that has to be a positive thing, right? Also, my last BF had a really amazing body, so I guess I always assumed that I didn't "meet his standards", even though he never made comments to that effect. My current BF has an average body, but he makes me feel so much more pleasure than my ex ever did, which convinces me that it is not about having an amazing body. I know that I don't care about the few extra pounds my BF is carrying around the middle. I may experience more pleasure with my current BF because I no longer feel pressured to have a perfect body. However, I think an even larger part has to do with the emotions involved. If you truly like and care about this guy and he truly likes and cares about you, the sex becomes about so much more than just the physical aspect. And, in general, I would say that a man is much too concerned (particularly in the beginning) with making you feel good during sex to really even notice whether or not your body is perfect. Learn to appreciate your body for the amazing things it can do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 4:23pm
Thank you all for your responses! Luv5monkeys...thank you for your concern regarding the diet, I am actually doing it right this time and working with a doctor. I was concentrating on the wrong thing...you all reminded me that I need to remember the pleasure I can give -regardless of size. And you are right, feeling "sexy" on the inside will come through. Thanks again, I guess I just needed a shot of self confidence and will remember...new guy...new start! :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 4:29pm

1. Mrs. Para has been pleasantly plump all her life, and has not had much luck herself in finding someone she could trust and, needlesstosay, someone who was attracted to her and that way. That said...

2. THIS is just ]]]] one of my personal reasons for pushing so hard on people, especially you ladies, to find someone you share trust with FIRST (!!!) before you even think about getting physical.

Your last love was what it was, conditional. Either you two are getting to know each other and "allowing" each other to pick and choose who and what you like, or you're not going to. Up to you.

Hope you keep us posted. Plump is awesome! Don't let the preference of your ex actually "rule" the rest of your life, when you KNOW there are plenty of guys out there who don't care either way anyway and just like the person instead. Find out which type of guy this is and just let him be self without feeling so bad.

Just because there people out there who have preferences that we may not fit, does NOT mean there must be something wrong with any of us, so STOP that! Right? Right.

:)
:)

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 5:29pm

Like the others said, he has already seen you so he knows what your size is.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 5:46pm
First of all I feel your pain girl. I've been overweight all my life. I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism at the beginning of the year. Having an out of balanced thyroid, in my case, makes it harder to lose weight. Plus taking birth control doesn't help. I've been blessed with a wonderful guy who doesn't care about my looks. I'm 18 and around 200lbs. I'm around 5' 8", so I'm evenly spread out! Going from 245 (my most heavy) when i was just 15.. then getting down to almost 160 then back to where I am now isn't very lovely. Since I've been sick I've gained 30lbs or so. And it sucks big time. I'm trying to lose it again, but it's hard. Anyways to get to my point... don't worry about if you're overweight or now. I'm sure you're pretty either way. If he's a man at all, he won't care what you look like.. as long as your personality rocks! :o)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 1:00am

I'm hoping this link worked (first time I've tried to copy a post link. I think you might find what some of the guys interesting. I know I did!

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlpleasurepr&msg=7230.1&ctx=0

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2005
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 7:14am

I couldn't help noticing that no men responded to this, so I will. It doesn't matter. Does society push the "wrong" image of women? Yes. Do men grow believing that the images are accurate? Yes. Do SOME men see that as a priority? Yes. Do all men? Absolutely not. For the most part, if you are an affectionate person who cares about your health more than your appearance, then you are well ahead of the game. My wife is not skinny, but she's not obese. She is what Michalengelo would have painted as a women. The fact is, most men don't realize it's not all about looks until we get into our 30's. This is when our bodies start to "sag" (for lack of a better word) and we lose the image of "perfection" as the norm. Do we still enjoy seeing an attractive model in a magazine (Maxim, FHM, etc)? Yes, but that is what we were taught is beauty, so it's engrained. Nature made us look for the best mate based on looks first. In reality, it makes no difference. If you are self conscious about your body, then the focus is no longer on your relationship, and one WILL affect the other. Focus on what you can DO with your body, whatever type it is, and with confidence, and you'll capture his heart forever.

Edited 4/28/2005 7:26 am ET ET by worrieddadof3

Edited 4/28/2005 7:27 am ET ET by worrieddadof3




Edited 4/28/2005 7:28 am ET ET by worrieddadof3

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